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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to apologise for my fertility?

30 replies

BumWiper · 15/05/2011 20:35

My youngest SIL is unable to have children.She has known this for some years.Anyway she has told her extended family that i only got pregnant with the last DC just to rub her nose in it as she was going through IVF,and is refusing to come to the christening until we apologise.last DC was a happy surprise.she has also said that i am not a natural mother because i feed with formula.
sometimes i wonder if i knew what dh's family was like would i ever have married him Grin

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 15/05/2011 20:36

She sounds very bitter and twisted, tell her that no apology will be forthcoming and you will be sorry not to see her at the christening.

maxpower · 15/05/2011 20:38

I agree with fabby, just say you're sorry she'll miss the christening. She's (understandably) jealous as hell.

chelstonmum · 15/05/2011 20:38

YANBU!

Your sil is obviously very sad and upset, but also very rude. It is no way to view her niece or nephew and to be honest do you want the evil fairy at the christening?

A1980 · 15/05/2011 20:39

I had difficulty conceiving and may well not be able to have children. I find it hard to take when I hear of yet another firned / colleague getting pregnant. However I am genuinely happy for them, congratulate them and mean it when I say it and then get upset by myself behind closed doors.

No matter how hard it is her behaviour is uncalled for.

Original poster
BumWiper · 15/05/2011 20:45

PIL are saying to just apologise to smooth things over.they've always done whatever just to pacify her,including paying her fines when she was caught driving with no NCT,putting themselves in debt.don't want to fall out with PIL but don't want to dance to her tune either.

OP posts:
Maryz · 15/05/2011 20:46

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chelstonmum · 15/05/2011 20:47

A1980 we are set for a seven year gap when our new arrival is born. Five long years of that were spent trying, being tested, crying etc. Failed IVF and a lot of upset later we relaxed over christmas and it happened.... I think we had pretty much given up all hope. Hang on in there! x

Original poster
BumWiper · 15/05/2011 20:51

she said it at bingo (which she,her friend,MIL and her aunties go to every week) and asked her aunt to tell us.which she did,she would not be the type of person to cause trouble or speak behind someones back.MIL said it to me seperatly.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 15/05/2011 20:52

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A1980 · 15/05/2011 20:53

Thanks chelstonmum but my DP and I split up after he decided he didn't want to try anymore nad he wanted to move home to South Africa. There's a real risk I will run out of time. I'm obviously not trying anymore.

Original poster
BumWiper · 15/05/2011 20:53

Maryz also i cannot just dismiss my childrens aunt and put her out of my mind.

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 15/05/2011 20:54

Apologise for what, for having a child? You got pregnant and gave birth just to rub her nose in it? She may be upset, but that is just bizarre. Do not apologise, your pregnancy and child is nothing to do with her.
I appreciate it must be very hard for her but that kind of approach and being supported in it by her parents will not help her deal with her own issues. Be kind to hr, but don't give in to her.

GiveMeSomeSpace · 15/05/2011 20:54

OP this is no fight for you to get into - don't get dragged in at all. I'd expect your to step into the breach here in a completely dispassionate way to state simply how irrational and nonsensical this all is. Irrational people get shown up for what they are if they are just ignored. Don't rise to it at all. Good luck :)

MadamDeathstare · 15/05/2011 20:55

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GiveMeSomeSpace · 15/05/2011 20:56

.......I'd expect your DH to step into the breach.......

MadamDeathstare · 15/05/2011 20:56

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
BumWiper · 15/05/2011 20:57

im not unfeeling to her either and sympathtise completly with her and anyone else facing fertility issues,it must be such a difficult thing.

OP posts:
Maryz · 15/05/2011 20:58

This reply has been deleted

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MadamDeathstare · 15/05/2011 21:01

This reply has been deleted

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MadamDeathstare · 15/05/2011 21:02

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Original poster
BumWiper · 15/05/2011 21:04

dh just said fine leave her to it but (and maybe its hormones) i just wanted to have all the family there.

OP posts:
JeremyKylesPetProject · 15/05/2011 21:07

Have you thought about asking family members to stop passing these comments on? Passing bitchy comments on makes you (general you) as bad as the person doing the bitching.

missmelo · 15/05/2011 21:09

YANBU you have nothing to apologise for. I sympathise with your SIL for her situation but she is being bitter and hugely unfair to her own brother and you. Has your DH have an opinion? I would NOT apologise. She seems a bit spoilt too re the PIL's paying fines etc, if she is an adult she needs to understand consequences of her actions. I hope she doesn't make the christening too awkward for you by not being there.
As for her judgement on how you choose to feed your child, well thats just horrible, its your body, its your baby.
Congratulations on your new baby :)

MadamDeathstare · 15/05/2011 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeremyKylesPetProject · 15/05/2011 21:11

Yes I agree with Maryz post too. Be the bigger person. Graciously ignore all comments.

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