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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

prams and trains

32 replies

Annpan88 · 15/05/2011 16:38

Basically, me, Dh and 8 week old DS and on the train journey back from the inlaws (a bit of a trek) and we get on the train. The only space on one of these retro trains is the wheel chair spot. No people with a wheel chair but one twenty something bloke with a small suit case stretched out.

We had to park the buggy there with a sleeping DS. I personally think its rude that the bloke didn't get up to give us the seats or even move his rucksack so one of us could sit down with DS. There were plenty of other seats that would of accomadated him (albeit without the legspace he was so enjoying). DH and I had to stand and we obviously couldn't leave DS unattended.

I would of and have give up my seat in similar situations and think while its not our god given right to have seating in this area, it would of been polite.

Also, I should add if some one in a wheel chair had come on, I deff would of moved, folded the pram and woken baby (and be happy to do)

AIBU to think this man was rude and not feel bad that we ended up hovering around him (he also made a big deal of stretching again when we got ofmaybe I'm just tired and grumpy and need to rant about meaninglelss rubbish

OP posts:

rainbowinthesky · 15/05/2011 16:39

Did you ask him to move?

Original poster

Annpan88 · 15/05/2011 16:39

Sorry for bad grammer am on phone

OP posts:

ChaoticAngelQueenofAnarchy · 15/05/2011 16:39

You should have asked him to move his rucksack so one of you could have sat down.

Original poster

Annpan88 · 15/05/2011 16:44

No I probably should of but didn't as it wasn't a buggy space really but should if. I know its all very well to complain after. I guess I posted just to get peoples opinions (am waiting at station for a connecting train)

OP posts:

ChaoticAngelQueenofAnarchy · 15/05/2011 16:47

Well YANBU to think he could have moved if there were other spaces, or at least moved his rucksack but really you should have asked him to move his rucksack. That may have led him to moving to another seat or one of you being able to sit while the other found somewhere else.

5318008 · 15/05/2011 18:21

not asking him to move his rucksack is pathetic

DontCallMePeanut · 15/05/2011 18:25

If you'd asked him to move his bag, he probably would have.

Try not to do what I did last time I was catching a train with xP and DS... xP got on the train, turned round to help us on, but the doors closed, leaving me and DS stranded on the platform, with xP stuck on the train with the luggage.

scarlettsmummy2 · 15/05/2011 18:26

this has happened to me lots of times. i just ask whoever the gormless person is to move!

beanlet · 15/05/2011 18:31

All wheelchair spaces on trains IME have big signs saying no luggage here, so you should have told him to move his rucksack. But there was no justification to ask him to move. I travel long distance with the pram by train all the time, and if someone is sitting in those seats, I take the baby out of the pram and sit elsewhere with him on my knee.

YAB a little bit U

emsyj · 15/05/2011 18:52

I don't think he should have moved, but he should have taken his rucksack off the seat. If he didn't, it would have been reasonable for you to ask him to move it so one of you could sit down. The other could have sat elsewhere so long as one of you stayed with DS. Presumably the man had chosen those seats because they have extra legroom - why should he move to a more cramped seat just so you and your DH could sit together? You are adults presumably?

YABU to repeatedly say 'should of' and 'would of' instead of should have and would have in your OP. It makes my teeth itch.

A1980 · 15/05/2011 20:27

TBH everyone has lost the ability to speak these days.

For example, no one says "excuse me" anymore, they just push past you, etc.

You should have asked him to move. It's not rude of you to ask him politely to move and he probably would have done had you asked.

You could also have taken the baby out of the pram and sat somewhere else. The world does not revolve around you just becasue you have a pram.

So YABU

vajazzhands · 15/05/2011 20:30

He should have moved his rucksack for you. but not moved for your husband, why should he?

vajazzhands · 15/05/2011 20:37

IAlso you are not being unreasonable for not asking him to move his rucksack, if you can't be arsed to move your bag for a woman and her pram you probably won't move when asked.

You should always move luggage without being asked if people are standing and there are no free spaces

DingDongMerrilyOutOfSeason · 15/05/2011 20:37

YABU. One of you could have sat down somewhere else and taken turns to be with DS. The one staying with the pram should have asked the guy to move his rucksack and then you would have both had a seat, just not together. Easily sorted but instead you hovered getting more and more grumpy.

FWIW I would have moved, but although I think he was a little inattentive not to have notcied you/rude to have noticed and not moved his bag, I would also have asked him to move his seat so I think you were a bit pathetic.

create · 15/05/2011 20:39

You should have just asked.

I once had someone rant at me for not moving my legs so they could get past. I genuinely was so engrosed in my book that I hadn't noticed they needed to pass. I would have moved instantly if I had. Same applies to a bag on the seat, I will always move if I notice someone needs the seat, but I sometimes don't notice. (and will always if I realise after they've been stood for a while)

If he was a young childless man and there were lots of other seats nearby and you didn't ask, maybe he didn't realise the importance of you needing that particular seat i.e. didn't appreciate that you needed to stay near the pram/didn't want to remove child from pram/couldn't park the pram elsewhere. It seems obvious once you've lived that life for a few weeks, but not the sort of thing you think about if you have never had to do it.

vajazzhands · 15/05/2011 20:40

CAn people stop being rude and calling theOP pathetic. She's just had a baby fgs might be feeling a bit emotional. its really rude

purplepidjin · 15/05/2011 20:41

YANBU to think he could have been more courteous. FWIW, I have had this when pushing a wheelchair. And had evil looks from people when I accidentally bump their ankles trying to maneouvre it into the stupidly fucking tiny space. While I probably could leave to sit elsewhere, it's my job and I don't feel I should.

northernrock · 15/05/2011 20:44

Ha ha ha! When my son was tiny (and I first took him on a train journey at 6 weeks) I would fold up the buggy thing and stand on the platform holding him, with my bags by my feet and just grab unsuspecting passengers and get them to help me chuck everything on the train (not the baby).
Sometimes they looked a bit non plussed, but often were kind, and they could hardly refuse, right? (And this was travelling from London, so the rudest possible demographic.)
Yes, people can be ignorant, but you just have to be brazen and ASK! (Or sort of demand, but with a bat of the old eyelashes!)

DingDongMerrilyOutOfSeason · 15/05/2011 20:45

I take back the word pathetic. I mean something like it and can't find a good word. I get really cross when people stew over things that they could easily have sorted, it is playing the victim.

OP, you are emotional and hormonal, next time you will know to be more proactive.

A1980 · 15/05/2011 20:49

Exactly right northernrock. if you need help ask. I'm happy to help people on and off trains etc.

northernrock · 15/05/2011 20:52

northernrock · 15/05/2011 20:53

Oh, sorry, thought hadnt posted that!

northernrock · 15/05/2011 20:54

It's like groundhog day!

TheyKnowEsperanto · 15/05/2011 20:55

YAB-a-teensy-bit-U OP because, while he should have moved his rucksack (or even moved to another free seat so you and DP could sit in front of pram) and you shouldn't have had to ask, I think better to ask than to fester.

I tend to go all obsequious-assertive in those situations and say something like: "Would you mind being ever so kind and moving your bag so I can sit down?" Admittedly I sound something of a twee twat while saying it, but it seems to take quite a lot for someone to acknowledge they are not kind (not met one yet) even if they might otherwise have been happy to behave in an inconsiderate/unkind manner or even respond aggressively.

TheyKnowEsperanto · 15/05/2011 20:59

northernrock I like your style - you're not a Project Manager are you?

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