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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think if you are going to be a God parent you should believe in God?!

53 replies

slightlyunbalanced · 15/05/2011 10:11

I should firstly say that I am not religious and I think that most if not all religions are a form of brain washing. I do have many devoutely religious friends and we respect each others views.

That aside, one of my FB "friends" posted on her status this morning "x is off to church, don't worry I haven't found God I'm just becoming a Godmother" Hmm.

AIBU to not "get" this or people who have their DC's christened when they never go to church, and don't include any faith on their day to day lives.

Confused
OP posts:
CristinaTheAstonishing · 15/05/2011 10:57

Sunnyday - you do realise church schools have intakes of community places as well? You don't have to be or pretend to be churchy in order to get in.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 15/05/2011 10:58

Also, wouldn't you feel ashamed of giving your children a good education but lousy morals?

SardineQueen · 15/05/2011 10:59

I like posts from sunnyday and crashingwaves.

We live in a christian country, with christianity very much in evidence all over the place. Schools involve a daily act of broadly christian worship, many schools are fully CofE and give an education on a christian basis, we have a church on every corner etc etc etc. CofE is the "default" religion. There are times in life that people like to mark with friends and family, there are things which are tradition. These things have for centuries in our country involved church. They are a part of our cultural makeup. So I say let people do them. Baptism, weddings and funerals being the main ones that people do. And haven't the CofE themselves said that they are comfortable with performing these things for people who are not generally churchgoers.

I can understand why religious people get arsey about it but frankly I think that the CofE is there for all of us.

SardineQueen · 15/05/2011 11:01

Cristina that is completely untrue. Some do. Some don't. In this area most of the religious schools intake on 100% religious criteria (most never get far enough down the entry criteria list to no 18. distance from school).

In our area it is usual for children whose parents go to church to be given priority over non-religious children in care and siblings (if their parents have stopped going to church).

Original poster
slightlyunbalanced · 15/05/2011 11:02

My son went to a C of E school, he got in because it was a good school and we were in catchment. DD did not get in as her year was over subscribed, and full of people who lied about assesses and were pretend church goers. I followed the rules and for 4 years had 3 kids at 3 different schools.

Fun it was not but I wasn't prepared to lie and use the church for my own ends.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 15/05/2011 11:02

There is a very big difference between a non regular church goer and someone who doesn't believe at all.

sunnyday123 · 15/05/2011 11:03

some cofe do but not all and certainly not the catholic schools near me - my DD school hasn't took a non-RC for 6 years as they cant refuse a catholic over a non catholic as its the only catholic school. If undersubscribed they can but they never are. The archdiocise set the admission criteria for all schools in our area (6 lEAs) as the following:

1 catholics in care
2 catholics in catchment
3 catholic siblings out of catchment
4 other catholics
5 non catholics in care
6 non catholic siblings
7 non catholics
etc

My school never gets past criteria 3 so non catholics have no chance! And those that do take non religious in CofE, tend to take siblings, then CofE and take the rest on distance which in my area means if you live more than 300 metres from school you have no change and we are only a small town!

SardineQueen · 15/05/2011 11:04

Some people who go to church regularly don't believe. In times gone by, many many people went to church regularly who didn't believe.

How do you hope to read people's minds?

CristinaTheAstonishing · 15/05/2011 11:04

sardine - you are much deluded, my dear, I don't need or want the CofE.

As for state schools taking 100% of their children from religious background only, does that really happen or is it just scaremonegring to get (hypocrytic) arses on seats in the church? If it does, words fail me.

sunnyday123 · 15/05/2011 11:07

just to make it clear i do believe in god and so haven't only made my children RC for schools - its just i was CofE and my DH is RC so RC pitched the post because of school - we would have baptised them one or the other anyway as traditionally its important for us as a family. Plus not all church schools use church attendance. The 3 schools near me don't mention church attendance - just baptism.

SardineQueen · 15/05/2011 11:10

Cristina - Eh? I don't understand the deluded thing? Where did I say that you wanted or needed the CofE?

"As for state schools taking 100% of their children from religious background only, does that really happen or is it just scaremonegring to get (hypocrytic) arses on seats in the church?"

Come and live in my borough. 60% of the primary schools have religious entry criteria, most of them have no proportion of "community" places. If you don't fulfil the religious criteria, no you won't get in. We have schools that are CofE, RC and Jewish, all accepting children on religious entry criteria.

Why do you think this is not happening? It is usual around here. Most schools are also oversubscribed, so people need to move to near the school AND meet the religious criteria.

sunnyday123 · 15/05/2011 11:13

christina it really does happen! My DD Rc school never takes non catholics, the next best school is CofE and does prioritise CofE first, even CofE out of area go ahead of non-religious kids. In reality not many places are left (most go to nonreligious siblings) so unless you live next door to school you can struggle. I had no idea how hard it would be when applying for my DD place - if you dont make those decisions early its a big worry come school time as noone really looks at school til admission time. Near me a class of 30 can have over 20 siblings!

CristinaTheAstonishing · 15/05/2011 11:13

Sardine - I didn't think it was happening because i think it's wrong and never heard of it before.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 15/05/2011 11:15

Bloody hell is all I can say that these things go on.

sunnyday123 · 15/05/2011 11:24

it is a huge issue and people without school age children underestimate the effect of faith on school applications. My friend had a naming ceremony 6 years ago and as such had no priority for the closet 9 schools! And obviously the other state schools past that went on distance and by that point she was too far. She had to accept the only school with places left (not so good!). Its a problem and not fair and i always try to warn my friends to look at their local area schools etc as 5 years later they may find their beliefs have impacted significantly on their childs future.

giveitago · 15/05/2011 12:50

'I also see the issues with schooling every year. This year where i live 2 parents who didn't want a religious school (cofE or RC) had to travel 4 miles to the nearest state school. There were 3 other state schools but were full on distance. They then complained. There are lots of threads about church schools disadvantaging non religious kids and i agree its a massive problem but i'm afraid there was no way my kid was going to be disadvantaged and sent miles away to an ok school when there was an RC outstanding school on the doorstep which teaches the same principles we follow. If you have strong views against religion then fair enough but if you have beliefs in it and are fully prepared to support the school and church then i dont see the problem.

Honestly every year there are so many disappointed parents i know come admission time because they opted for non religious ceremonies etc - fine if you have strong views against but sometimes i think people are naive about the effect it has - rightly or wrongly on kids schooling.'

Erm we'll have this issue for secondary school. The issue is not that my child is not baptised the issue is wholly that I pay lots of taxes and there's no school in our COMMUNITY (ie our area) that will take him without either having water chucked over his head or a circumsition -a completely bonkers admission procedure in my view.

crashingwaves · 15/05/2011 13:06

Personally, in an ideal world, I wouldn't want faith schools - but since we're not in an ideal world, I'm not going to see my child going to a crap school because of my beliefs, sorry.

giveitago · 15/05/2011 13:17

I agree to a degree crashing. However, it goes against what is in my community and what my child's background (lots of different things). Interesting to note that this country is becoming more and more divided as the years pass.

I'm from a very mixed background and I could gain from all of it. Not so for my child as it seems I have to give him one religion's credentials very early on just so he can go a school near his home.

Very sad. ds is an only child to older parents - he's at a community primary and it does him lots of good to go to the local park or supermarket and recognise and hook up with local school friends. This will all stop for him in a few years.

MillyR · 15/05/2011 13:33

I am an atheist and my children are baptised. Some of the godparents are Christians and some are not. I did it because it was important to my extended family, who are religious, and because I am culturally Christian as are my children.

Rhinestone · 15/05/2011 17:04

OP, I'm a Christian and I agree 100%! Godparents are there to guide children in the religious faith. Contrary to popular belief it's not about getting extra birthday presents.

Meow75 · 15/05/2011 17:27

My husband refused his (non-church attending) sister's invitation to be her son's GF on the grounds of being agnostic and thus not convinced of the vows that he would be making.

His other younger (also non church attending, and as I understand, non believing) sister did agree to be the boy's GM but I believe that she did this on account of her thinking it gives her some sort of social status amongst her family and friends. She is the boy's only blood related auntie (and I am his only other auntie). What sort of status does she want?!?!

MercurySoccer · 15/05/2011 17:30

YANBU

whackamole · 15/05/2011 17:41

I agree.

I was asked to be Godmother and declined, saying as much as I would like to be part of the child's life I would've felt like a hypocrite as I am not religious at all.

I also declined to christen my own children for the same reason. This might sound harsh, but a lot of people seem to do it purely for the presents.

Original poster
slightlyunbalanced · 15/05/2011 17:56

I think they do - and for the party.

OP posts:
sunnyday123 · 15/05/2011 18:22

i think there are lots of reasons people christen their kids, some for religion, others because of tradition but i honestly haven't met any who did it for the presents! Do you know how much a christening can cost!