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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think if you are going to be a God parent you should believe in God?!

53 replies

slightlyunbalanced · 15/05/2011 10:11

I should firstly say that I am not religious and I think that most if not all religions are a form of brain washing. I do have many devoutely religious friends and we respect each others views.

That aside, one of my FB "friends" posted on her status this morning "x is off to church, don't worry I haven't found God I'm just becoming a Godmother" .

AIBU to not "get" this or people who have their DC's christened when they never go to church, and don't include any faith on their day to day lives.

OP posts:

crashingwaves · 15/05/2011 10:12

I don't attend church but Christianity is roughly what I believe and I want to bring DS up with those values so while I know what you mean I think YABU :)

azazello · 15/05/2011 10:15

YABU. Most people are asked to be godparents because they are close friends with the parents and the parents have asked them. If they can't take the vows for whatever reason, that is fine and no problem, but if they are okay with it I don't see the problem. I would prefer to have people who are close friends and spend time with our DCs than limit our choice to people who are active Christians.

Original poster

slightlyunbalanced · 15/05/2011 10:18

Eh?! Surely the whole point of a christening and god parents is to guide that child in the christian faith?!

OP posts:

gillybean2 · 15/05/2011 10:19

YANBU - If you are standing up in church agreeing to be there to guide that child in the religeous belief chosen for them by their parents then yes you should jolly well believe in what you are agreeing too imo.

TheSecondComing · 15/05/2011 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillianAstra · 15/05/2011 10:24

And if you are assigning Godparents to your child then you should believe in God too.

TrillianAstra · 15/05/2011 10:25

It's it about boycotting TSC, I would always go along and support a marriage, but I might think that the peple involved were a little bit silly for having it in a church if I knew that they didn't believe in the God of that church.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 15/05/2011 10:26

I'm an atheist god-parent. The parents asked me knew this and knew that it was for social and personal reasons - not religious ones that I accepted. I would have felt worse refusing on principle.

Hammy02 · 15/05/2011 10:29

YANBU. The clue is in the term 'God parent'.

Original poster

slightlyunbalanced · 15/05/2011 10:30

I have refused on principle. Why not just ask those people to be there for your children in the event of a tragedy/you being unavailable?

Why does God/the church need to be involved?

OP posts:

gillybean2 · 15/05/2011 10:31

TheSecondComing - if someone chooses to have a wedding or a funeral in a church I am attending to support them or comemorate their life in teh way they choose. If I go to church for these reasons (or for a baptism) I do not mumble along to the prayers, sing praise to god, or 'agree' to upholding their belief while in church or by default agree to do this simply in accepting tehir invitation.
I don't believe and so I do not feel the need to join in with the prayers etc. I would also decline if I was asked to do a religeous reading.

However as a godparent you do stand up and say yes I will do as is asked and ensure this child is brought up believing in god. You do agree to join in and take on responsibility for the religeous upbringing of that child. You can't agree to that if you don't believe in god yourself now can you.
Well unless you are a hypocrite I suppose...

Thistledew · 15/05/2011 10:32

YANBU. My friend asked me to be godmother to her child. I am not Christian, so have agreed with her and her vicar that I will make a public declaration to support the child during the christening ceremony, but will not make the religious vows.
OTOH, some people would say that they do not disbelieve in the christian version of god and broadly follow the bible's moral code, even if they do not attend church, in which case, why should they not participate in Christian ceremonies? They are not reserved for a particular 'level' of christian, but are open to anyone who defines themselves as such.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 15/05/2011 10:33

If both parties know it's all a bit of a sham, it's irrelevant what we think about it. It's 2011, the bringing up in God malarkey is hardly actively practiced nowadays.

TidyDancer · 15/05/2011 10:34

YABU. It seems you don't even know for sure that the person you are referring to doesn't believe in God. They could just be saying they aren't becoming a church-goer (albeit in a slightly clunky way). Not your place to judge really.

gillybean2 · 15/05/2011 10:35

If it's a sham then have a naming ceromony rather than a baptism in a church if you really feel you have to do something.

LisasCat · 15/05/2011 10:36

This is why DD has Guideparents. They have taken on non spiritual aspects (to be a different viewpoint for her to turn to when she thinks we're just being soooo unreasonable, as well as guardians in the event of the worst happening), but no religion. Although they often get called Godparents if it's in the course of a conversation that we don't want to have derailed into one about their role.

CristinaTheAstonishing · 15/05/2011 10:37

Gillybean2 - I agree, bypass the church altogether. Unless the parents doing the invitation don't quite have the guts to stand up for what they don't believe in and just go along with it all for convenience sake.

Sirzy · 15/05/2011 10:38

It depends on the reason for the christening IMO.

I am Christian and a semi regular church goer. When i picked godparents for Ds i picked people who I knew where also Christian, none of them go to church regulary but i know them well enough to know there beliefs and know they take the whole role seriously.

Sirzy · 15/05/2011 10:40

I know someone who is planning a christening for her Dd yet last week had a Facebook status saying "and people wonder why i don't believe in god" which her partner liked - i can't help but wonder why they are bothering with a christening then?

I think naming ceremonies are fantastic for those who want the welcome without the religion.

sunnyday123 · 15/05/2011 10:40

i think lots of people - even if not completely religious, like to believe in the principles of christianity and like the tradition of a wedding, christening, godparents etc. You don't have to go to church or anything to be a christian. People may not fully believe in god but are open to the idea of something and the church isnt just for full-one religious people. Its open to everyone.

I don't have a problem with people marrying etc in church if they don't believe - it may be something they feel their family holds as important and don't want to offend, its all okay pleasing yourself but lots of people still feel like a nonchurch wedding is a "cheaper" option! I know as i got married abroad (civil) and people never react the same way. Also, those that don't believe may simply baptise for practical reasons like schooling etc and don't see the problem. I'm not catholic but do believe in god and made my DC catholic as i wanted them to belong to a faith and the school situation was a consideration.

I am godparent to 4 children and its a great honour!

Original poster

slightlyunbalanced · 15/05/2011 10:45

Doing it for school is wrong wrong wrong IMO, it's lying and as bad as lying about where you live.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 15/05/2011 10:51

I agree slightlyubalanced and don't understand why someone would want there lo educated in a religion they don't believe.

IgnoringTheChildren · 15/05/2011 10:52

YANBU If you aren't actually religious (definied by what you believe rather than how often you attend church!) then you shouldn't have your child christened. If you are Christian then surely you wouldn't ask non-Christians to be Godparents, however that doesn't mean that non-Christian friends can't have that role (minus the religion) in the childs life (as Thistledew is doing).

crashingwaves · 15/05/2011 10:53

I'll probably get flamed for this :)

I personally feel that raising a child in the church is so much more than 'believing in God' - in fact I would go as far as to say you don't have to really believe in God to raise a child in the church. I'll try to explain what I mean.

I was brought up in the Church of England, my grandfather was a vicar. I know numerous hymns, know the Bible well and when I went to university was involved in the Christian Union (which was actually a BIG mistake but anyway!)

Then, I stopped believing in God. I was irritated by the closed minds around me and felt God hadn't helped at all (I was going through personal trauma.) These days, I don't know what I believe in to be honest :) but Christianity is still part of my past and part of my/our (as in mine and DS's) culture. I can't and won't pretend that doesn't exist. And I do firmly believe in the values of Christianity, I would be happy if DS believed, I would be just as happy if he didn't.

So getting him christened was VERY important to me and I have told him stories from the Bible. When he grows up if he thinks they are rubbish, fine, but it is part of what I will offer him.

sunnyday123 · 15/05/2011 10:53

i hear what you are saying slightlyunbalanced however i do believe in god and fully support my children in their school and associate church. I can understand people feeling uneasy with it if they are deeply nonreligious but i am not.

I also see the issues with schooling every year. This year where i live 2 parents who didn't want a religious school (cofE or RC) had to travel 4 miles to the nearest state school. There were 3 other state schools but were full on distance. They then complained. There are lots of threads about church schools disadvantaging non religious kids and i agree its a massive problem but i'm afraid there was no way my kid was going to be disadvantaged and sent miles away to an ok school when there was an RC outstanding school on the doorstep which teaches the same principles we follow. If you have strong views against religion then fair enough but if you have beliefs in it and are fully prepared to support the school and church then i dont see the problem.

Honestly every year there are so many disappointed parents i know come admission time because they opted for non religious ceremonies etc - fine if you have strong views against but sometimes i think people are naive about the effect it has - rightly or wrongly on kids schooling.

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