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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DH shouldn't play 5 a side during Sunday bathtime

79 replies

flagging · 14/05/2011 18:41

Caveat - DH is a great, hands-on dad, does lots round the house etc so can't complain but he works long long hours. Rarely home for bathtime even bed time during the week. So Saturday/Sunday am so happy to have a bit of help. Now his 5 a side has moved to 6pm-7.30pm on a Sunday (right over the bedtime routine). I say I'm not happy and don't want him to go. He says I'm being unreasonable and he would never complain if it was me wanting to go out.

Am I being a witch?

OP posts:
Original poster
flagging · 14/05/2011 18:56

netto he's a darling but football is his flaw!

OP posts:
rookiemater · 14/05/2011 18:57

What age are your kids flagging?

dexter73 · 14/05/2011 19:00

You sound like a bit of a martyr in your 18.55 post tbh! Get an outside interest that is nothing to do with the school, kids or cleaning. It is a good thing and you can do it!

HumphreyCobbler · 14/05/2011 19:01

I find bath and bed routine a real chore tbh, so I would not be amused at having to do it on one of the few days I had any help with it. The OP does everything else and given the fact that her DH seems to already have plenty of time to do his own thing, I see no reason why she should not have some say in how her weekend works out.

Original poster
flagging · 14/05/2011 19:06

humphrey thank you. I really really hate bathtime and I do feel a bit of a martyr.

OP posts:
mycatoscar · 14/05/2011 19:06

YANBU to be a bit peed off but as you say, he didnt choose for it to be that time. But I can see how you must feel and also agree with everyone who has suggested you go out and get yourself some time too as it sounds like you dont get an awful lot at the moment.

Also, maybe suggest he does saturday night bed/bath by himself so that you get one "night off" a week - I think this is the very least that should be agreed.

rookiemater · 14/05/2011 19:08

Sorry flagging but I think we do need to know what age your DCs are. If you have pre school ones then you have a point, but if they are all at school then you could arrange exercise etc during the day. Plus maybe DCs don't need bath on Sunday DS gets bath every other night so could rearrange schedule so its bed time only.

NeverSayPie · 14/05/2011 19:10

bath them less.

Sirzy · 14/05/2011 19:11

If you hate bathtime that much don't bath them every night.

As long as he doesn't stop you having me time when needed then yabu. Like others have said compromise so you get time to do what you want.

cat64 · 14/05/2011 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MistyB · 14/05/2011 19:20

YANBU. I am surprised that so many people think you are!!!

I can fully understand that if you are a SAHM with a DH who works long hours and frequently works away from home that any inroads into your weekend family time can make it seem that your job becomes more like a 24/7 slog than 5 days with weekend family time.

I also agree that bathtime is not the best time as this time can be a real groundhog day time, particularly if you do this every day on your own and you then have to get everything ready for the following day. (besides, he already gets two other time slots when he gets to do his own thing...)

When your children are older, have more flexible bed times and are at school during the day, you will probably feel differently and it's not too long to wait.

smallpotato · 14/05/2011 19:57

YANBU, sounds like he already has plenty of time for sport. Could he swap one of his activities for a run in the evening when kids are in bed? Or go to the gym at lunch? Or could he agree to go to football a bit late and do the bath before he leaves?

DH is similar, with him it's cycling, he always moans he doesn't get to go as much as he used to (even though he usually goes most weekends). When I point out I never get to do anything on my own anymore he says 'but you don't like sport anyway!' As if time off to do an activity is ok, but time off to just relax and read the paper is lazy Angry

smallpotato · 14/05/2011 19:57

YANBU, sounds like he already has plenty of time for sport. Could he swap one of his activities for a run in the evening when kids are in bed? Or go to the gym at lunch? Or could he agree to go to football a bit late and do the bath before he leaves?

DH is similar, with him it's cycling, he always moans he doesn't get to go as much as he used to (even though he usually goes most weekends). When I point out I never get to do anything on my own anymore he says 'but you don't like sport anyway!' As if time off to do an activity is ok, but time off to just relax and read the paper is lazy Angry

Original poster
flagging · 14/05/2011 20:16

Thank you last posters. I do find childcare a grind (they're 5&6) though love the kids of course. I was once a high flying professional and gave it up to be a SAHM. Yes DH earns a stack load of cash and that's why he works long, stressful hours and I know he doesn't particularly enjoy it either as he loves being around the kids.

I am so happy when weekends come around because I don't have to do tea (add cooking to things I really really loathe) and I don't have to do bathtime/reading routine. So yeh I do resent having to do sole childcare on Sunday evenings. Wink

OP posts:
LeQueen · 14/05/2011 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 14/05/2011 20:32

If you are a SAHM and he works such long hours and still does what you said in the OP then I think YABVU. He is entitled to his free time.

I would have thought it being in the evening was better meaning you can still do things as a family together during the day.

Didyouever · 14/05/2011 20:36

Can he reduce his hours and you go back to work?

IFoundMyIdenticalHandTwin · 14/05/2011 20:37

Sorry YABU. Can you put the kids in the bath at 7:15 and then get DH to take them out and put them in bed when he gets in?

Or give the kids a bath maybe every other night, which is what I do with my almost five year old.

moondog · 14/05/2011 20:39

fgs
You sound horridly sour and controlling.
My 6 year old showers himself and has done since he was about 41/2. I sned him up, he showers, washes hair, odes teeth, gets changed and comes down again.

BsshBossh · 14/05/2011 20:39

OP, I'm confused. Your DC are school age, you're a SAHM and don't see them for 6 (I assume) hours a day and you find it all a bit of a drudge? Are your DC quite a bit of a handful then at bedtimes? Do they then fall asleep properly or is it all very stressful with them mucking about etc?

I really thought from your OP that your DC were babies/toddlers.

HumphreyCobbler · 14/05/2011 20:40

He already spends half his weekend playing sport as far as I can see.

The OP does not begrudge her DH his time playing sport, she just wants some help with a chore she does without complaint for the rest of the week. A chore that she hates doing. I hate bedtime too.

Or perhaps because the DH in question earns all the money he gets to spend his weekend as he sees fit without reference to his wife's preferences. Hmm

moondog · 14/05/2011 20:41

I do all I can to encourage my dh to do as much sport a s possible.
Soft bellied couch potatoes don't do it for mne at all.

AnnoyingOrange · 14/05/2011 20:42

if op is a SAHM she has all week to do as she pleases whilst the kids are at school

HumphreyCobbler · 14/05/2011 20:42

bathtime here is hideous, with a nightmare cream routine for a child with eczema

Original poster
flagging · 14/05/2011 20:43

Why does everyone think I am a SAHM? I'm not. I get kids ready in the morning, dash to work, dash back (no lunch so I can get my hours in), start evening routine - clubs, tea, homework, bathing etc. By 8pm when DH comes in they are just going to sleep and I am knackered.

Controlling I am not.

OP posts:
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