Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IS 9 TOO YOUNG??

59 replies

vicki2010 · 12/05/2011 19:10

Thought i would post here as it gets so much more traffic!

I have a 9 yr old ds (10 in oct) and feel the time has come to give him some freedom,he cant play out in the street as we live on a very busy main road but there is a lovely park/ponds opposite the house (i would have to escort there due to v awkward crossing) but the problem i have is that i wouldn't be able to see him and he doesn't have a mobile (another thread altogether!!) so what i want to know is, would you let your 9 yr old go out alone knowing you couldn't see them easily and they couldn't contact you easily,i mean i know i have to start sometime but just don't know when is the right time.

If i leave it too late he'll prob end up very un streetwise,if i let him too early..is he too vulnerable?

He's the sort of kid who will confidently go into a supermarket with a list and come out with everything on the list so has common sense iyswim.

Should i give him a mobile for park use????

So would ibu to let him out?

OP posts:
tallulahxhunny · 12/05/2011 19:12

i would definitely get him a mobile then let him go out.

southeastastra · 12/05/2011 19:12

let him out, i think it's so easy to worry until you start letting them, then realising that they are alot more capable than you give them credit for Smile

i wouldn't worry about a mobile - a little girl round here has one and spends all her time threatening to call the police if a child disagrees with her Grin

just teach him basics (phone number, address) he will be fine.

i know it's easier said than done but it will be okay

TattyDevine · 12/05/2011 19:13

I'm not sure what the norm is with 9 year olds...I dont have one yet. I do know I was getting 2 busses across town to go to school at 10 years old.

And crossing the road (though under strict instructions to do so at the lights)

On that basis I'd say YANBU. I wouldn't rule out getting him a cheap mobile though...even if you keep it most the time but give it to him for this kind of thing.

MrsBananaGrabber · 12/05/2011 19:13

I have a 9 year old DS who will be 10 in October and I wouldn't let him go to a park where I couldn't see him, BUT I am very overprotective, my DS is dozy around cars, I let him play outside the house and on the street but not out of sight, think you know your own childs limits iykwim.

FoxyRevenger · 12/05/2011 19:15

I can't claim experience as my daughter is not even 1 yet, but my instinct is to shout HE'S NINE, WOMAN!!!!! Let him out!!! Grin

ageingdisgracefully · 12/05/2011 19:15

YANBU. He's obviously sensible and reliable. My dd is 9 and goes pretty much everywhere she wants on her own. We live in an area very much like yours, by the sound of it. I don't think I'd give him a mobile, though, because I think they create more problems than they solve, but I would certainly let him out to the park as long as he knows and understands his limits. Btw, what do you mean by "vulnerable"?

bigTillyMint · 12/05/2011 19:15

Is he in Y5? I have been letting DS (Y5) cross a very busy road on either the zebra or at the lights to go to the park, shops and school this year. He doesn't have a mobile yet.

I think you have to decide if he is aware enough of the dangers of traffic and alert enough to take care of himself crossing the road.

Popbiscuit · 12/05/2011 19:16

I wouldn't let my 9 year old (DD) out if I couldn't see her easily and she's very sensible. She plays out with friends on the street but they are always in view of all the parents on the street (not a super-busy one). I think it would cause unnecessary stress for you if you couldn't poke your head out and see what he was up to at any given moment.

Would he be going with a gang of friends? That might be different.

nobetterthanthat · 12/05/2011 19:17

My 7 yo plays in the park where I can't see him but he doesn't have to cross a road.

I wouldn't get a mobile. Children with mobiles are more likely to have 'bother' than those without.

Could he not stand across the street and yell if there is a problem? I there a proper crossing further down the road?

walesblackbird · 12/05/2011 19:17

I do now let my 9 year old son out to play out of my sight but I did buy him a cheapie mobile which he has to take with him. He's now progressed to wanting to walk to school without me and I do know that he's sensible enough to do it really but it's a huge step for me and one which I'm finding hard!

bigTillyMint · 12/05/2011 19:18

MrsbananaGrabber (I read it as bananagobblerGrin), you need to start giving your DS some small responsibilities, so that little by little, you can start to feel more confident that he will be able to handle himself when he goes to sec school.

Choufleur · 12/05/2011 19:20

I was getting a bus home when I was 7 (albeit with a group of other junior kids) and playing out of sight of my parents.

Give him a bit of freedom.

lesley33 · 12/05/2011 19:24

I would let him go but wouldn't give him a mobile unless it was a very chaep £10 pay as you go one. The most likely danger he may face is older kids bullying him to get expensive goods off him - like an expensive mobile.

nzshar · 12/05/2011 19:58

I on the other hand would be wary. Only because in the area I am in we have had a scare with attempted aductions ( 7 of them in two weeks) of children and am on paranoid alert!

seeker · 12/05/2011 20:02

We have an anvient crap mobile for this purpose - and ds has to check in every hour, either in person or on the phone on pain of death.

7 attempted abductions in 2 weeks and nothing in the national news? I presume it was a custody issue?

SmethwickBelle · 12/05/2011 20:04

You know your son best, I can't comment on the going out on their own issue but I know my sister just gave her kids (9 and 11) a joint mobile which her 9 year old daugher keeps in her bag, programmed with the important numbers and with the bare minimum credit on it. Mainly for if there are probs with school pick up as she and her DH are separated and she has health problems - its a useful tool first and foremost for emergencies. If your son is sensible I don't see why it wouldn't be a useful tool for him to have too, make sure its a cheap pay as you go so if it was lost or stolen it wouldn't be too much of a problem.

nzshar · 12/05/2011 20:04

Nope. I am surprised it wasn't in the news too. Herts police have issused warnings etc. They have arrested someone they are out on conditional bail at the moment. Don't think the media want to know until someone is actually harmed these days.

cat64 · 12/05/2011 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

seeker · 12/05/2011 20:15

nzshah - if you google it you'll find that the police say they weren't abduction attemps. That's probably why it's not in the news.

lljkk · 12/05/2011 20:23

DS has an ancient mobile for this purpose. I didn't really let him play out indeterminately like that until he was 10yo, though. He still had freedoms like what Cat64 said. Mobile is far from the same as being with you. They can still impulsively do some quite stupid stuff or get themselves into a pickle. 10yo DS got duffed up in the skate park by two 13yos and never rang, just came home all bruised. :(

nzshar · 12/05/2011 20:44

ok maybe attempted abductions an over statment. But 7 reported incidents with regards to unaccompanied children. They have arrested someone an he is out on bail due to go to court on the 23rd of May. Innocent until proven guilty and all that but still makes me paranoid at the moment.

seeker · 12/05/2011 23:40

'10yo DS got duffed up in the skate park by two 13yos and never rang, just came home all bruised. sad"

Horrible for you. But he dealt with it, Well done him!

PaWithABra · 12/05/2011 23:44

yes and he doesn't need a phone to do so.

best to send him out with friends though as my nine year old comes back from the park because there is never any of his friends there as all of their parents are fearful and overprotective as is the modern disease.

ask yourself where you allowed ? if yes what has changed so much ?

corsa100 · 12/05/2011 23:49

If his friends are going out to play then how on earth can you justify keeping your same age DS in??? Do you want him to be the class dork??

LordOfTheFlies · 12/05/2011 23:55

We have got exactly this in our household, DS has been reluctant to go FreeRange but now he's bitten the bullet. I do worry,mainly about traffic, sometimes when we walk to school I have to walk into the road to see past parked vans etc. We have a zebra crossing on one main road which was only allowed after X number of accidents/fatalities.The cars sometimes don't stop for me so I worry about DS(though its years since I could stop trafficSad.)DS worries about being kidnapped- i presume in a tongue in cheek way- he doesn't have a serious fear but I think he's seen on the news, esp with Madelaine McCann back in the news.