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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU For feeling harrassed and a little conerned??

52 replies

dingdongmrs · 12/05/2011 12:44

This may all sound very silly and maybe i am overreacting. i will start at the beginning, it shouldnt be too long!

Me and my husband use facebook, we have two fb friends that are the parents of our childs friend, they are in school together. We used to talk to them alot i suppose because we see them everyday at school but we wouldnt class them as real life friends, just the parents of our childs friend, so obviously we were poliet and friendly to keep things good between the children.

Anyway, two weeks ago the woman was very abusive to my husband her excuse was she had had a bad day!) she called him names and had a go at him for not working but he does work, he is on commission only and his own boss so he doesnt do 9 to 5 every single day but he earns more than her husband who works 12 hours a day for min wage, thats not our fault but she keeps having a go at my husband because she is frustated about her husbands job! anyway after this time she had a massive go at him, he deleted her from fb.

Big mistake, because her husband phoned us after midnight shouting the odds for him deleting his wife! he threatened to come and kick my husbands face it and burn our house down!!

So my husband was ordered to friends request her again! which he did, mainly because we were both concerned about these threats, we have children here and dont want to put them in danger so friends requesting her again was the safest option.

Anyway me and my husband have said we will be polite when we see them at school but not overly friendly in the hope that we can eventually just be classed as acquaintances and they may leave us alone. we dont want to rock the boat and have our house burnt down so we will say hello when we see them but that is it.

They are acting like nothing has happened but the husband has been a bit scary with me, im feeling harrassed, everytime i see him at school he wont leave me alone, he asks questions about me and my husband, he doesnt like it if i dont answer him or only give one word answers, he bugs me and asks me whats wrong. and he has also grabbed me a few times when i havent given him an answer he wants or when he wants to get my attention. i was walking out of school yesterday and he grabbed my arm and wouldnt let go but he didnt say anything, i pulled away and walked off. then today he followed me and child into the park near school and then stormed off because i wasnt playing on a park toy with him! its a big bopit type thing! hes 40 years old and even his child didnt want to play on it so he grabbed his child and said "we're going" and stormed off. hes unstable and im a bit scared of him.

I dont know what to do. im very concerned that he is getting physical and we have seen his temper. even his wife has said in the past how aggressive he can be with her and im very worried that he has turned his attention to me.

i dont know what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
dingdongmrs · 12/05/2011 12:45

Sorry, it was longer than i thought it would be.

OP posts:
Reality · 12/05/2011 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ellifino · 12/05/2011 12:47

Police.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 12/05/2011 12:49

Really? You don't know what to do?

You call the police and you report it.

Big mistake refriending him. Should have called the police (not 999!) to report it then.

You have given him the message that he can bully you too.

You need to show him that he can't.

You need to be very clear that he must stay away from you. Alert the school and alert the police and be willing to call them for help.

Either he is unstable in which case you are at risk no matter what you do and you need protection and calling the police is the right thing to do, or he is a manipulative bully who knows exactly what he is doing and you need protection and calling the police is the right thing to do.

Ignoring it, bending over backwards and doing as you're told will not solve the problem. He will continue to behave this way and it will get worse and worse.

MumblingRagDoll · 12/05/2011 12:49

Police....it sounds awful. He's harrassing you! I hve had a similar sitaton though not nearly as scary and I know how upsetting it can be.

You need to tell the school and the police/.....the school need to know.

issey6cats · 12/05/2011 12:49

i would definitely phone the police and say your concerned for your safety regarding this guy and keep a log of his unreasonable behaviour

Original poster
dingdongmrs · 12/05/2011 12:50

I want to phone the police but its our word against his and his wife will lie for him. i had to deal with police years ago when i asked for help because i was in an abusive relationship and they did nothing because it was my word against his, it feels like the past is repeating itself but not with my own husband!

im also concerned that if i report him and the police go and talk to him, if they dont do anything else, what will this man do? he knows where we live and i dont think he is of stable mind which means he will probably not think twice before setting our house on fire like he threatened and i cant out my children at risk, im not sleeping at night ow because im so concerned, ive even started making our dogs sleep in the hall infront of the front door so they can warn us of anything!

OP posts:
petitepeach · 12/05/2011 12:50

Police! Please don't be bullied by these scummy people, tell the school aswell!

You have done nothing wrong - the world is full of obnoxious idiots, don't let your daughter associate with this family....good luck

CareyFakes · 12/05/2011 12:51

Police involvement and deletion of FB ties. I wouldn't tolerate threats.

FunnysInTheGarden · 12/05/2011 12:51

nut job. Ring the police without delay. Bloody facebook, causes all sorts of problems

Original poster
dingdongmrs · 12/05/2011 12:52

i know i sound really pathetic and i know phoning the police should have been the first thing i should of done but im not ashamed to admit i am absolutely terrified of what he will do when i do report him.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 12/05/2011 12:53

Fucking hell, a call to the police is in order.

These sound like scary people to me and their behaviour is not the norm and definately out of order.

Just listing some of the behaviour-
-Her abusing your DH.
-Him abusing you in a phone call, with threats to assault your husband and burn your house down, and that includes with your DC in it.
-Him physically grabbing and abusing you, then following you to the park.

No, that is not right at all.

I'm surprised you haven't talked to the police yet.

Get on to them today, they will take you seriously, odds on if they're like this with you they'll have been aggressive with other people.

Please do it today.

AgentZigzag · 12/05/2011 12:54

You are not, not pathetic.

If you're worried about making it worse, could it be any worse??

They threatened to burn your house down!

Go to the police, now.

polarbabe · 12/05/2011 12:55

ynbu. Far from it. He sounds a bit like a psycho, completely unhinged. His behaviour is not normal. Report him to the police before he escalates and from the sounds of things he will. Protect yourself. Report him to police now!

Original poster
dingdongmrs · 12/05/2011 12:56

Thank you everyone for your replies, you are right, i need to phone the police, i will do it today and keep you all updated.

Thank you i just wanted to know i wasnt being too sensitive or silly. i dont like wasting the time of the police. i will phone them and try to get this sorted and hopefully they will make sure he stays away from me.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 12/05/2011 12:57

They won't think you're wasting their time, they take it very seriously these days, much better than their response before.

LineRunner · 12/05/2011 13:00

You have enough evidence already for the police to issue him with a harassment warning. The abusive FB posts, the husband's late night phone call to you - it's all a matter of electronic record and the police will know this. The police do actually believe complainants, you know.

And who else you think will help you if not the police?

And delete these toxic people from your FB friends for goodness' sake.

Summerbird73 · 12/05/2011 13:00

YY call the Police. The fact that you are worried he will burn your house down is even more of a reason to call them. They sound horrific.

Speak to the school too, i am worried for their own DC!

moominmad · 12/05/2011 13:06

tell your DH

and call the police

don't do anything on fb before you've alerted the police.

onehellofaride · 12/05/2011 13:08

YADNBU! you don't need someone like this around you, your DH or your child!

The Police will be able to help you just express how frightened you are and tell them you are worried about what he will do when he finds out you have reported him!

MooMooFarm · 12/05/2011 13:08

OP Please phone the police! The man has threatened arson and therefore the police will take it very seriously. Doesn't matter if he and his wife deny it; they sound so horrible they're probably known to the police anyway.

I can understand why you're scared but when something like this happens, you really have no choice but to take a deep breath and deal with it.

The police will know you are undestandably frightened of the consequences and will help you. Please call them.

MooMooFarm · 12/05/2011 13:09

Sorry about all the 'bold' type Confused

QueentessentialExcel · 12/05/2011 13:13

Please call the police.
It is already escalating, and you have not done anything wrong, so better to call.

Lucyinthepie · 12/05/2011 13:14

Is it in order to have the ansaphone on to record any nasty calls from them? Maybe you could check with the police.
I hope this works out for you, it's horrible.

RJRabbit · 12/05/2011 13:20

What everyone else said. And if he grabs you again, shriek "Let me go!" very loudly, so that other people witness it.

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