AIBU?
flossymuldoon · 12/05/2011 10:38
Nope, you aren't been ureasonable. When my ex got married again i was already married but i still felt very strange. I got married again a year to the day that me and ex split. I'm sure my ex felt slightly strange on that day too(even though he never would have admitted it).
I can't understand why he doesn't want you or his son to know though 
. That would most certainly make me feel even more strange. That shouts to me that he is maybe not convinced by his decision??
flimflammery · 12/05/2011 10:41
8 months! pity her - the shine will soon wear off
Of course you're going to feel strange (if not upset) - treat yourself to something nice today if possible. Get a pedicure or rent a chic flic DVD that you wouldn't have been able to watch if he was hogging the remote.
at why he didn't invite his son - is there more to this than you have let on. YANBU in this case. OliPolly · 12/05/2011 10:54
Oh come on flim lets not get paranoid. It's very possible to meet and marry someone within 8 months! I should know, I married my DH after dating for 5 months - 9 years later, we are still together!
I think the issue is more about not inviting his son or keeping it a secret than him moving on with his life.
Northeastgirl · 12/05/2011 11:21
Ouch poor you. I think 8 months sounds rather quick. If it's any help, it does seem to me that men do sometimes move on quicker than women. I notice this with my parents' friends. If the wife dies, the husband often seems to re-marry relatively quickly, but if the husband dies, the wife is likely to stay on her own for longer. My M&D reckon this isn't anything to do with caring less, but just men being more pragmatic and therefore quicker to move on.
The secrecy and excluding your son is bad. However I would really recommend that you try to avoid criticising your ex too much when talking with your son. You can give your son lots of reassurance and sympathy without badmouthing your ex. In the long run, this will put you in the higher moral high ground.
weareallchangingnamesforthis · 12/05/2011 11:30
i recommend chocolate cake with wipped cream, and something nice, your choice, to help it down,... much nicer if somebody else prepares it for you... maybe some nice activity out of the house for you and your son.... depending on budget, could be a nice picnic in the park if needed be...
and what northeastgirl said.... and don't be hard on yourself...
bananasinpyjamas · 12/05/2011 14:09
Thank you for all your posts. Things are complicated, my ds is autistic and currently having chemo treatment. All the more reason I think to make sure he is included. Esp as his other 2 children (before me) are going.
I agree he has nothing to do with me anymore but I think it is very soon to commit so strongly to someone else. Is a bit like the 13 years we had were a complete waste of time and therefore its like a kick in the teeth. Had being the operative word.
In a funny way it has helped me move on. Things are very well defined now and his cries of wanting to see and include my ds more in his life are obviously a load of bull.
Being very careful with my ds. Am not being negative in any way in front of him. Ds does not know so doesn't need to hear it from me especially at the moment.
Will see if I am told in the next few days/ weeks that my son has a new step mum.
ReindeerBollocks · 12/05/2011 17:31
At least your son has you to rely on.
I second all those who say he's a nobber and you can do much better (either on your own or with someone who deserves you).
Would it be wrong to start taking bets on how long his marriage will last? [evil grin emotion]
ReindeerBollocks · 12/05/2011 20:19
Yes t'was me, MrsDeVere he is ok-ish, still had a few sets of needles since we last spoke, he can deal with it rationally some times and then completely loses the plot at other times. He can't predict when he will do this and unfortunately, neither can we. Any help you have would be very much appreciated but I understand that you are probably very busy as it is!
Sorry for hijack, Bananas, hope you have had a nice da with your DS.
thefirstMrsDeVere · 12/05/2011 20:28
Yes sorry op 
I might be able to pick up some tips from various sources (we all share a huge office). From what I can recall you do sound as if you are doing all you can and your DS sounds pretty amazing.
But if I come across anything I will deffo pass it on. 
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.