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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

snootie mum and DC's likely to be in same class next year? Advice

51 replies

janeybo · 11/05/2011 08:12

Snootie mum's hubbie used to be best friends with my hubbie. Her and I never really got along but we tolerated one another for over 10 years (socialising) together etc.
Anyway her and I had a fall out over 12 months ago and she has completely ignored me ever since. Sometimes it's quite scary other times it's quite funny. If she passes us in the playground or whilst dropping off/collecting she nearly knocks me and my DC's out of the way (whilst she scowls and sticks her nose in the air). I on the other hand am pleasant but not OTT with all the mums I encounter (but that's just me).
Anyway she a social climbing, manipulative, meglomaniac and only speaks to certain mums at school if she thinks their is something in it for her and her DC's by associating with them. I usually try and avoid her and it's a big school so not too difficult. However, the school is having a re-org and jumbling up the classes next year (kids in infants). Should I speak to head or class teacher in the hope of our DC's avoiding the same class so less likely to have any contact with her or offspring in case she gets in first or say nothing? Just worried if they end up in the same class she will be manipulative and spiteful to my DC and I will feel on edge every day?
NB this has gone way beyond sorting out and making up. She is so manipulative you have no idea.

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 11/05/2011 08:15

Errrrr speaking to the head and essentially bad mouthing this woman would be pretty manipulative too wouldn't it? Put up with whatever happens and try and build bridges. You are an adult after all.

youmeatsix · 11/05/2011 08:19

the school will expect pupils to put aside/sort out squabbles, they will expect parents to do the same
would you really walk into the head and ask they change their classes because you have had a ruck with a parent?

Groovee · 11/05/2011 08:31

Our school takes into account the feelings and views of parents. One parent kept victimising my friends child because my friend had once asked her not to butt in on a private conversation. The mother was horrible to my friends child so much so she had my friend in tears. The school ensured in P1 and subsequent P2 that this child was NOT in her dd's class. I know other people who've demanded their child not be with their best friend and then moaned that the best friend has found new friends.

FreudianSlipOnACrown · 11/05/2011 08:36

What was the row about?

Original poster

janeybo · 11/05/2011 09:36

TBH this will be the 2nd time they have jumbled up the classes and I know for a fact that many of the mums (particularly from SM's DC's class) went to see the head beforehand, due to their concerns. I don't know if she did but I wouldn't have put it past her. I wouldn't bad mouth the woman I would just say that she and I really don't get on, (without going into details) so if their was any way possible I would really prefer the kids were in seperate classes to avoid the liklihood of any awkward situations in the future.
I don't want to go into the row. Basically she started it, (in the school playground) totally caught me off guard, I was reluctant to engage with this due to location, being taken by surprise and concerns of how things could end up, but I was goaded into saying something by her persistence/insistence, she gave me a mouthful and walked off and has never spoken since. I tried to speak and put it behind us on umpteen occasions (due to hubbies friendship and also I don't like situations like these) but was ignored every single time, eventually I gave up. Her DC and my DC get on when her mum is out of sight but other child keeps well away if her mum is around. I have told my DC if she wants to play with other DC it's fine with me.

OP posts:

Original poster

janeybo · 11/05/2011 09:48

I agree with 'youmeatsix' and for my part we can avoid each other without being unpleasant and rude. Although it is uncomfortable. My hubbie says I've not to say anything at school.
However, birthday party's, other school social events and daily playground banter will be a nightmare if DC's in same class. Also if she does go to the head I would rather it be seen as mutual thing rather than her just putting her side across (whatever that might be).
I don't care whoose class my DC is in I would just prefer them not to be in class with SM.

OP posts:

Mumwithadragontattoo · 11/05/2011 09:57

YABU - you really need to grow up. If you don't like her then avoid her or better still smile and nod / say hi pleasantly but don't take it any further. If you see her at a social engagement (such as kids' parties) do the same and then chat to someone else. Don't badmouth her to the school or the other mums. If she says anything about you and you find out ignore it. You sound like one of the kids not a mum...

Original poster

janeybo · 11/05/2011 10:17

Thanks mum with dragon tattoo did you read any of the above??
I know the situation is childish I have tried being pleasant and saying hello, but it is not reciprocated. So now I avoid and ignore her. But it is not particularly pleasant or unchildlike when she barges past us nearly knocking myself and my DC's out of the way.

OP posts:

kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/05/2011 10:54

You won't like this janey, but I agree with Mumwith too.
You do sound a teeny tiny bit childish yourself. Suck it up and be the bigger person.

FabbyChic · 11/05/2011 10:58

I'd knock her out for the barging, you too soft.

SenoritaViva · 11/05/2011 11:03

Listen to the wiseness of Creacher and Mumwith. I work in a school, we expect children to sort out their squabbles and even if not friends be able to be civil with one another. How on earth can this happen if the parents do not lead by example?

SenoritaViva · 11/05/2011 11:05

Oh god sorry Kreecher. That'll learn me for doing two things at one.

[hiding in shame whilst continuing to multi task]

SenoritaViva · 11/05/2011 11:05

god at once not at one. what is wrong with me?? (pregnant, organising birthday party and soggy brained)

QuackQuackBoing · 11/05/2011 11:07

^Just worried if they end up in the same class she will be manipulative and spiteful to my DC and I will feel on edge every day?
NB this has gone way beyond sorting out and making up. She is so manipulative you have no idea^

Just tell the head this about and the barging. I think the head would understand. If she is physically barging you then that's a problem! Plus you don't know what she is going to say to her kid about yours and you could end up with bullying problems.

worraliberty · 11/05/2011 11:07

Really you do need to grow up.

If you can't handle and ignore these things, how do you expect your kids to?

Classes are grouped so that they're mixed ability normally, hopefully the Head will tell you to suck it up and trust the school to do their job.

Why don't the kids get on just because you and the other Mum have had a squabble?

Original poster

janeybo · 11/05/2011 11:08

Ok thanks for all the advice.

OP posts:

Original poster

janeybo · 11/05/2011 11:17

No the younger kids do get on. Her younger DC is frightened to show they do when her mum is around. The older kids don't since all this. Her older DC frequently runs past us looking back, smirking with their finger to his lips as though they can't speak or aren't allowed to speak to us (like they do when they have to be quiet in school). I just try to ignore it and tell my children to ignore it but still it's still not pleasant.

OP posts:

DillyDaydreaming · 11/05/2011 11:18

It's an awkward situation for you OP and I feel for you actually and think some of the people above are being a bit harsh.

worraliberty · 11/05/2011 11:19

Well if the younger ones get on, just leave them to it.

lljkk · 11/05/2011 11:20

I'd lie & tell the Head that the kids dont' seem to get along so pls. separate if possible.

WowOoo · 11/05/2011 11:23

You absolutely can't go to a head and say this.

It really doesn't set a good example either. I'm hoping that if classes are mixed next year that my son isn't in same class as a snooty mum I've come across, but I'm keeping it to myself.

Fingers crossed they won't be in same class for you.

funnyspelling · 11/05/2011 11:25

be sarcastically polite?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/05/2011 12:00

Sorry, it's me again. I honestly don't understand why people think they should be able to influence which class their child is in.
I know when I was at school, my parents let the school do their job.
I am married to a teacher and naively thought that teacher's children always get the better teacher. DD had a shocker the year we moved to Switzerland. I could have made a fuss and had her moved, but, I sucked it up.

jeee · 11/05/2011 12:04

My mum had a really irritating phrase - "6 of one, and half a dozen of the other" - when it was always my sister's fault . I think this might be one of those times when it's applicable.

CantThinkOfDecentNameChange · 11/05/2011 12:05

Are you for real - the school will laugh at you for suggesting this!! (I'm a teacher). Now that would be opening a can of worms wouldn't it!!!

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