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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my religious family to pray for me.

33 replies

rubbersole · 10/05/2011 22:31

or do any other nonsense.
I'm struggling with something at the minute (IVF). My (Irish Catholic) family keep offering to pray and my sister offered me some Holy water to take home with me. I know they're trying to help but I don't want them to do it. I wouldn't take the water and my sister was offended. The reason i don't just take it and say thanks is because if this all works out somehow I DO NOT want to hear "Ah that's because you used the water/ we prayed". It'll be because Me and my OH have gone through hell and struggled and worked and doctors will have made it happen. I have said I don't mind what they do and I thank them for their kind thoughts but I don't want to know about the holy stuff. AIBU

OP posts:
dawntigga · 10/05/2011 22:33

YANBU for feeling it but there's cock all you can do to stop them.

VGladSheHasNobodyLikeThatInHerLifeTiggaxx

BlessedAssurance · 10/05/2011 22:33

yes

BlessedAssurance · 10/05/2011 22:34

because they might still be praying for you, whether you want them to or not,

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 10/05/2011 22:35

They will still say it is because they prayed, whether you take the water or not.

yousankmybattleship · 10/05/2011 22:35

I TOTALLY agree with you! I have had IVF and I have also had members of my immediate family battling with cancer and nothing makes me crosser than someone saying they will pray for me. Pray all you want if that's what gets you through the day, but please don't do it on my behalf or think for one minute that it will offer me even one shred of comfort. I'd rather you made me a nice cup of tea thanks all the same.

wispalover · 10/05/2011 22:35

Oh that is hard. Could you maybe try and think about the 'praying' in terms of them sending you good vibes/positive thoughts? Try not to let it stress you I'm sure their hearts are in the right place

AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 22:36

What dawntigga said, especially the cock all bit Grin

parakeet · 10/05/2011 22:36

YANBU.

If you do conceive and they do come over all "It was because we prayed for you", you'll be too happy to care.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 10/05/2011 22:37

Well you can't have it all ways. Telling them you don't mind what they do isn't telling them not to, is it? Why are you so bothered about what they think anyway?

Original poster
rubbersole · 10/05/2011 22:37

BA that's fine - I wouldn't ask them not to do that. Just don't ever give credit to it in my company (if we are successful). I don't want the sh*t I've gone through for the last 4 years to be rendered meaningless beacause now Mum/Dad/Sister made it happen for me by praying.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 22:39

Good point gwendoline, if it's nonsense why does it matter?

They're going to say the same things whether you say something or not.

AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 22:40

Have they only just started offering to pray for you after 4 years?

Original poster
rubbersole · 10/05/2011 22:42

Yeah good point Gwen. I just have some kind of possessive ownership of this sh*tty struggle. Parakeet you're so right - if it works this time I won't give a hoot who takes the credit. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
rubbersole · 10/05/2011 22:42

Haha Agent - no, I've only just 'come clean'.

OP posts:
cat64 · 10/05/2011 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JsOtherHalf · 10/05/2011 22:44

We had IVF. I was open about the need for it, and some friends and some close family knew about the timetable of events etc
I am not RC, but thanked friends for something they gave me - a 'relic' perhaps? I appreciated that my family and friends were supporting me in the way they felt most appropriate - for some that was prayer, for others that was sending me funny emails etc.

I too believe that if the ivf works then your family will believe it was the prayers that helped.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 10/05/2011 22:45

You're entitled to feel ownership. Let them think what they like, you and your OH will know what went into it. Irish Catholics are mostly bonkers anyway Wink

Disclaimer: I'm Irish Catholic :)

Mamaz0n · 10/05/2011 22:47

i am not at all religious.
but there have been times in my life when i will have taken every sigle peice of "good luck" and tried every avenue.

I don't believe in teh power of prayer, but if it makes them feel happier and as if they are helping in some small way then what harm does it do?

AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 22:48

Grin ah.

I think it's nice actually.

That they're asking you, and that they want to feel as though they're helping in some small way.

Your sister WBU being offended you didn't want to take the water (not sure what that is) as it's clearly your choice.

It's a bit meanspirited though to look on their reasoning as malicious in any way and trying to take over your potential pregnancy, unless they've got form for stuff like that and this is more about that than the praying/IVF? Grin

Original poster
rubbersole · 10/05/2011 22:53

Agent - no no it's not at all about anything else. And I don't see it as malicious at all. I guess there's no way they could possibly understand that there's so much more to this than "Wha? Y'can't get preggers? Sure just ask saint ??? and y'll be right. See - look, told ya. There y'go. Thank weebabyjesus". I understand they have their faith but it didn't cure my chickenpox and it won't get me preggers!

OP posts:
megapixels · 10/05/2011 22:54

I think it's quite mean-spirited of you. They're praying for you because they care for you and want good things for you. Since you think it's not going to make any difference to the outcome of the IVF it doesn't matter if they pray does it? You could say no thanks to the holy water, or pour it down the drain or whatever.

AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 22:58

'"Wha? Y'can't get preggers? Sure just ask saint ??? and y'll be right. See - look, told ya. There y'go. Thank weebabyjesus".'

Is it wrong of me to chuckle at that? Grin

But part of the hard work can be a bit of a laugh can't it?

C'mon, cheer up, there'll be times you wish you'd not bothered when your little bundle of joy hits 3 YO Grin

Maryz · 10/05/2011 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 22:59

Oooo did that last bit look a bit insensitive?

Sorry if it did, I didn't mean it like that.

Suncottage · 10/05/2011 23:00

rubbersole

I was always a sceptic until I sat with my father on his final night. The nurses prayed with me. I have never really prayed before.

It was a very powerful feeling (the nurses were not religious and neither am I) but it was a very comforting feeling. My father was not a religious man but he squeezed my hand throughout when he was very near the end and there was a something there in the room. He was unconcious at this time.

Everyone could do with a few prayers - I learnt that on that horrid night.

Good luck with the IVF and I am a sort of non-believer now Smile

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