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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to NOT expect my 3.5 year old to...

50 replies

madhousewife · 10/05/2011 20:37

...wipe her own bottom?
She's coming home from nursery the odd day with dirty knickers. DH has asked them to check her after using the loo and they've agreed but given him the 'look' at the same time.
Are we right in thinking she's still a bit young to be able to manage this bit of personal hygiene on her own?

OP posts:
strandedbear · 10/05/2011 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eglu · 10/05/2011 20:39

It is pretty standard for nurseries to expect DC to do this. Mine both have at this age. Sometimes it is not going to be perfect but they have to learn sometime.

icooksocks · 10/05/2011 20:39

My 2.10 year old wipes his own bum and only potty trained in january. He does a good job. Maybe you need to teach her how to do it properly.

CheerMum · 10/05/2011 20:41

maybe you could send her in with some Kandoo wipes to use if she is struggling to clean herself properly?

whereiswally · 10/05/2011 20:41

YANBU.

They should be helping her. I have dd the same age and she is keen to do things independently, so I let her wipe her own bottom and then check she is truly clean afterwards and her nursery do the same.

SoFluffyImGonnaDie · 10/05/2011 20:42

Oh god I had this arguement a million times with my son's preschool. Twice in a week he come really smelly and when I looked he was covered in poo all over his bottom (he is generally much messier than normal when using the toilet!) Then I picked him up and he told me that he had missed playtime and storytime because he had been trying to wipe his bum and couldn't do it and nobody had checked on him for 25 minutes. (The toilets are inside the classroom at his nursery) I questioned the teacher and she told me that because he is usually very independant with everything else they had presumed he could manage the toilet. He was 6 in January and has I would say in the last 6 months been able to do a good job himself, my dd on the other hand has been doing it herself since she started using the toilet so YANBU in my opinion.

MayDayChild · 10/05/2011 20:43

SE is approaching the age to do this.
I posted this exact question on MN. Actually got some right bitchy answers that a 3.3 yr old should be wiping you're a crap mum type answers.
Anyway my DD got several UTI because of her utter shite nursery (SE London)!
So basically tell them in writing that you insist they attend your child on every toilet visit and assist in bottom wiping. Purely to prevent any UTi. Getting these is really bad an can damage their kidneys.
My nursery told me they weren't allowed because of possible abuse. I took my DD out. Fast!

Meglet · 10/05/2011 20:43

yanbu. They should help her.

At the dc's day nursery the staff encourage the children to wipe their own bottoms but always help if they are finding it hard.

AuntiePickleBottom · 10/05/2011 20:43

yabu, they would have to leave a group of children just to attend 1 child in the group

activate · 10/05/2011 20:44

No you're wrong - she is more than old enough to do it properly

MayDayChild · 10/05/2011 20:45

Not sure what happened to that!

BabyDubsEverywhere · 10/05/2011 20:45

Surley school TEACHERS arent expected to do this for them? really?

BabyDubsEverywhere · 10/05/2011 20:46

I mean, they would spend all day in the loo's if this were the case?

thisisyesterday · 10/05/2011 20:46

yanbu

it doesn't matter if other people think that she ought to know how to do it or not either.
the fact is, she can't! and as such the nursery should be ensuring she is properly clean.
i don't know very many children who could reliably wipe themselves at 3.5

MayDayChild · 10/05/2011 20:47

Have to disagree here
If a child who does perfect formed hard poo wipes then there isn't much to contend with. So all of you saying it's time to learn is this true of you??
My DD is lactose intolerant and her pop is explosive and wet!!!
It takes a lot to get clean.
She is only just 4 and still learning.

Notinmykitchen · 10/05/2011 20:47

How do you make them do it themselves? My DS is 3.6, I think he should be wiping himself by now, but will he? Not a chance, he waves a bit of loo roll at it then says its too difficult. OP I think the nursery are being unreasonable to not make sure it is done properly. I am sure a lot of children can do it themselves at that age, but surely not all of them?

FreudianSlipper · 10/05/2011 20:47

my ds will still only poo in his nappy and he is the same age. he wears pants much of the time and always at nursery, when he has peed himself they help him clean up why wouldn't they. i know they do help wipe children bottoms if they need help, how can that be helping a child to let them stay in dirty pants or knickers its hardly encouragement, more like punishment

thisisyesterday · 10/05/2011 20:47

it isn't a teacher, it's a nursery school Hmm

they should have enough staff for one to nip out for a couple of minutes to help a child with the toilet

our nursery staff have no problem helping my son (he struggles getting his clothes down)

Caz10 · 10/05/2011 20:47

Difficult, because what are the other children doing in the nursery while the key workers are wiping bottoms?!

I just always check DD (3.3) when she comes home, or ask whoever is picking her up (DH or gran) to check - some days pants are better than others Grin! BUT she is only there 3hrs, might be more of an issue with a longer session?

MayDayChild · 10/05/2011 20:48

Poo! Ruddy iPhone

SoFluffyImGonnaDie · 10/05/2011 20:48

At 3.5 they aren't in proper school, it's either nursery or pre-school. The staff at our pre-school change nappies as well because they accept children from 2 years old. Also at ds's nursery there were 3 staff members for the class and the toilets were in the classroom

harecare · 10/05/2011 20:49

Preschool isn't compulsory. If she isn't able to do it herself and the teachers aren't prepared to do it just don't send her 'til she is ready to be independent. The teachers in DDs nursery class got a shock when my DD presented her bottom in the classroom to be wiped as nobody was in the toilet. She now does it herself and sometimes has a few skid marks which aren't the end of the world.

5318008 · 10/05/2011 20:50

I think that DH has mistaken 'the look' and that you are overthinking

PoppetUK · 10/05/2011 20:54

To much info but my DD wasn't able to wipe for quite a while because there would have been a mess as a previous post has explain (you've got me wondering if DS is lactose intolerant because you described him). It wasn't a simple case of wipe and gone. Sorry. I'd be fuming if they let her have dirty knickers often (occasionally I can forgive). However, on the other side I went into pre-school with my child the other day and the fuss that was made if a child needed the toilet was silly. 2 adults had to be there each time a child went to the toilet. It seems a total waste of resources. I understand why but it causes other problems with supervising the children.

Good luck.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 10/05/2011 20:54

Sorry are we talking a day nursey (0-5) or a school nursery (3-4yrs)

Someone else mentioned a 6 year old so i went with school nursery?

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