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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dislike my son

38 replies

dontdeservekids · 10/05/2011 18:20

He's only 15 months, but I really dislike him. I hate looking after him and everything he does just pisses me off.

I dread getting up in the morning because I know I have a full day of telling him off, constantly clearing away his destruction and just general battling with him.

I've felt like this for a while, and it's getting to the point where I can't stand him, and in turn I shout.

I know he's curious about lots of things, but they're my things - and no matter how hard I try he wrecks everything in his path. I'm just so sick of telling him 'no'.

He pinched me today, I mean so hard it bought tears to my eyes. I really thought I'd explode with rage. I wish I never had him.

OP posts:
BestNameEver · 10/05/2011 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bittersweetvictory · 10/05/2011 18:23

Are you own your own, do you have any help, could you be depressed, you shouldnt be feeling like this, i would go along and see your GP ASAP, im not saying if you are unreasonable or no because i dont know your circumstances but this is not right.

SenoritaViva · 10/05/2011 18:24

Have you spoken to anyone about this? If not then you need some support and help to cope with this situation. It could be PND or something else, I am no expert but honestly you need to see someone and talk this through.

justpaddling · 10/05/2011 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 18:28

I'm so sorry you feel like this.

It's not for me to say where you should post, but you might get better advice elsewhere on MN, perhaps the development or parenting boards.

I have a 16 month old and I don't really tell her off, it's more a 'uh uh' noise I make and say no before steering her away from causing her distruction.

Always at the same volume, never with any anger, it's just being persistent and firm.

She is catching on and stopping what she's doing when I say it.

It's a bit early for telling them off for rules they haven't learnt yet.

You have to distance yourself from the saying no all the time and not take it to heart, easily said I know.

It does worry me though that you thought you'd explode with rage when he pinched you.

He didn't do it to hurt you, he doesn't know it hurts, and that's not an argument to pinch him back or anything so he can learn it does.

Hassled · 10/05/2011 18:28

You really really need to see your GP. You don't have to feel like this, you won't always feel like this.

In the meantime - move EVERYTHING you don't want him to touch out of reach. It's a pain in the arse, but it makes life easier. Don't waste time and energy having battles you don't need to have.
Leave the house with him as often as you can. Nothing is worse than being cooped up with a bored toddler - even if it feels like too much effort, get out to the park.

mum0fthree · 10/05/2011 18:31

You need to go to your GP and get some help, contact your HV to see if she can offer you some practical support.

MollyMurphy · 10/05/2011 18:32

IT sounds like you need to seek out some support hun - friends, your physician, your HV. Rally everyone around to help you brainstorm a course of action for dealing with these feelings. YABU your son is child but you are not. You need to take responsibility for getting the help you need to cope - its not fair to him or to you.

HansieMom · 10/05/2011 18:34

If you are responsible 24/7 forever, you need a break. How about putting him in childcare 2 or 3 days a week and you go do something in that time?

You can distract him rather than saying no. Have places he is welcome to get into, like a drawer in kitchen. Get fresh air for him and exercise for you by going for a brisk walk or run with a jogging stroller.

darleneoconnor · 10/05/2011 18:35

You need some time out. Can you get achildminder or nursery place even once a week? Not everyone 8is suited to being a samh, you would both be better off with you working even if for no extra money.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 10/05/2011 18:36

You need help.

Do you have any family members/friends that would be prepared to have your ds for a couple of hours once or twice a week so you can both have a break from the shouting?

Ask for an emergency appointment with your GP, and be completely frank about the way you are feeling during your consultation.

With the right assistance I'm sure that you will find that the positives of parenting outweigh the negatives.

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 10/05/2011 18:36

Please ask MN to move this thread I would hate it to kick off.
Just to say you are not alone in these feelings and to encourage you to see your GP or speak to your HV.

WriterofDreams · 10/05/2011 18:38

You need to do something about this straight away. You're clearly totally overwhelmed and frustrated and that's totally understandable but your son doesn't deserve to suffer. If you care one bit for him you will do something to help yourself and him as soon as possible. It sounds like you might be depressed. Go to the GP or see the HV as soon as you can. Please.

Tryharder · 10/05/2011 18:38

I often feel angry with DS1 and I appreciate how kids sometimes just drive you mad but my DS1 is much older. I don't get angry with my younger children because they don't know what they are doing and I find them cute rather than naughty IYSWIM.

Would you consider putting him into FT nursery care so you can go back to work? You might be a better parent if you were able to have some time apart. Some people are just not cut out for looking after very young children and it's nothing to be ashamed of!

bittersweetvictory · 10/05/2011 18:49

I would suggest also that this thread should be moved to MH, you will get support over there from people who have went through this, i would do it but i dont know how.

DaisyLovesMetronidazole · 10/05/2011 18:52

OP, I agree that you should talk to your GP.

However, I also second that it's okay to be annoyed with them sometimes.

I certainly would not find it cute or funny if I was pinched.

ScarlettWalking · 10/05/2011 19:00

It's dreadfully hard at this point, but you are a little past the " normal " feelings of difficulty and sound full of despair. I urge you to get help somehow.

JamieAgain · 10/05/2011 19:02

Yes, please get some help. It's normal to feel angry and frustrated, but this is beyond that. There's hope for a great relationship with your child - please get some for his sake and yours

JamieAgain · 10/05/2011 19:05

I think the warning signs of something being wrong is when you sart to see normal developmental things - be that throwing things, or even pinching, as a personal attack. It suggests you are feeling very down, and a failure. Many many people have felt like that, and come though

Original poster
dontdeservekids · 10/05/2011 19:07

I've recently just come off ciataplam (sp) after spending a few years on it, I was getting better but it seems not.

DH is fantastic, I've just had a talk with him whilst blubbing incoherently at him and he's taken DS out for a walk so I can have some time alone.

I feel so sad. Sad that when I look at his face I don't feel the same about him anymore.

I appreciate the replies, I really do. I'm just going to have a hot bath before they come back.

A rather un-Mumsnet x

OP posts:
JamieAgain · 10/05/2011 19:10

Do you have any childcare? I had a childminder for DS2, one day a week at this age when DS1 was at playgroup. I felt really guilty at first but it gave me a break and time to see someone (homeopath in my case - but the homeopathy was the least of it really - she was a good counsellor)

Also, time off at the weekend. Good that your DH is supportive

AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 19:12

I'm so glad your DH is fantastic Smile

The main thing is that you're trying to do something about the way you feel, for your son.

When you say you don't feel the same anymore, is that compared to when he was a baby or when you were taking the ciataplam?

Popbiscuit · 10/05/2011 19:14

Please talk to someone. Although it's normal to feel like this from time to time it's not normal to feel this way 24/7. Post-natal Depression CAN make you feel like this round the clock though and you won't necessarily recognize that you are suffering from it. Make an appointment with your GP and be completely honestthey will have seen this LOTS of times before and can help you feel better so you can enjoy your son. I had PND after my third baby and I can remember not only feeling miserable but also being irritated/ angry with the littlest thingsit takes away your ability to gain perspective and look at the big picture. In the meantime, lots of fresh-air/walks, socializing (even with strangers at the store) and try to take care of yourself. Is your son sleeping through yet? If not, could someone get up in the night with him to allow you to sleep through a few nights? It really does make a huge difference.

RunAwayWife · 10/05/2011 19:15

Please see your GP

bittersweetvictory · 10/05/2011 19:15

Did you wean yourself off the ciataplam gradually enough, if you feel really bad then i would consider going back on it again.