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AIBU? be irritated by a dress code for a family party?

36 replies

Northeastgirl · 10/05/2011 14:44

My aunt & uncle are having a lunch party to celebrate their wedding anniversary. I've received an email "Can I tactfully mention that I will be smartly dressed".

I hate being told what to wear. AIBU to feel about 12 years old? And.........just out of badness, any ideas for a suitable outfit?!

OP posts:

ObiWan · 10/05/2011 14:46

Do you have form for turning up inappropriately dressed Grin?


YusMilady · 10/05/2011 14:46

Aw...I think that's nice. Don't be irritated OP. Just dress up super-glam and have a lovely time.

I'd go for an YSL (esque) tuxedo and blood-red nails.


pollyblue · 10/05/2011 14:47

No ideas for an outfit, whatever I wear I manage to look like a baglady...

What were they expecting you to turn up in?! Your pyjamas? Perhaps you should..... Grin


FabbyChic · 10/05/2011 14:47

Saves people turning up in jeans.


Hullygully · 10/05/2011 14:48

I think it's lovely. I am just so fed up with attending events and people are there in tatty old jeans or prostitute dresses, formal and smart is much more appropriate for this sort of thing.


pjmama · 10/05/2011 14:48

It's their party, if you don't want to respect their wishes be smart for them then don't go? If it were a wedding, presumably you'd be happy to get dressed up? Personally I agree that she's probably being a bit precious about it, but to try to deliberately upset her by turning up in an inappopriate outfit would be rather unkind.


Alibabaandthe80nappies · 10/05/2011 14:49


It is a special occasion for them and they want everyone to look smart. I can't see a problem with that.
Quite childish of you to have a problem with it actually.


TeacupTempest · 10/05/2011 14:50

Isn't it just similar to having a dress code for a wedding? We didn't have one but I understand why some people do. It's not exactly odd....


Hullygully · 10/05/2011 14:50

V childish.

Don't throw all your toys out of the pram just because someone wants something with a bit of dash to it for a change.

Honestly, what did you think people would say?


AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 14:52

Are you a ragamuffin OP? Grin

I was asked when I was going to get dressed for Christmas dinner by my aunty.

I told her I already had Hmm



BarbaraBar · 10/05/2011 14:52


It's a big deal for them and they want everyone to make an effort and look smart.

I love going to smart parties - great excuse to dress up.


Hullygully · 10/05/2011 14:53

You can get some really nice and smart dresses for very reasonable money in Tescoes and Sainsburys.


Northeastgirl · 10/05/2011 14:54

The lunch is in quite a smart hotel, so I am planning to dress up. I was just irritated by the implication that I can't be trusted to choose an appropriate outfit. My clothing style is less formal than my aunt's but I think that's primarily due to different generations.

My last sentence was meant to be humorous - sorry ! A good example of how email can be misconstrued.

OP posts:

nijinsky · 10/05/2011 14:55

I've had the opposite, from DP's mother on her daughter's wedding day. Can I remember its the bride's day and not to draw attention away from her?


Hullygully · 10/05/2011 14:57

I actually think you're a bit arrogant.

Your poor aunt.


TobyLerone · 10/05/2011 14:58

I think it's nice. Maybe she did it because she didn't want you to turn up dressed informally without realising and feel uncomfortable and underdressed all day.



paddypoopants · 10/05/2011 14:59

What you need is a fascinator a la Princess Beatrice and I doubt if she'll ever prompt you again.


GloriaSmut · 10/05/2011 15:07

I don't really like dress codes at all, especially the quite pointless and contradictory "smart casual" which always results in people coming along in a range of outfits that differ drastically and make a complete nonsense of having a dress code. I make an exception for black tie events because my DP reckons it is so much easier to bung on a dj than ponder over what to wear.

I really don't like dress code instructions though. They so often come across as both ignorant and patronising and I suspect may well result in the opposite effect to that intended.

It's quite reasonable for someone to want a smart occasion but do treat your friends and relatives with the respect of knowing what to wear to it and if they don't have this innate knowledge, does it really matter? Unless your values are really very, very skewed, that is. Because it is the people who will be in attendance that matter to me. Not what they are wearing.


Hullygully · 10/05/2011 15:08

A lot of people have a very odd idea of what smart means.

It's best to make expectations clear and NOT rely on personal judgment if you don't want a load of awful frights turning up.


fedupofnamechanging · 10/05/2011 15:09

Actually, I think YANBU. They are implying that you don't know how to dress appropriately for the location/occasion. As you say, you are not 12 years old. I think they are being a little bit rude tbh. Ironic that they are questioning your knowledge of appropriate behaviour whilst displaying a lack of it themselves.

I think there is a difference between stating a dress code on an invitation generally and the comment that they made, which seems aimed at you personally.

Was the same email sent to everyone, in which case, I'd take it less to heart.

Reply, saying that you weren't planning to wear your pj's!


BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 10/05/2011 15:13

I love getting all dressed up......good for the soul!!


PuppyMonkey · 10/05/2011 15:14

Don't know what your problem is - the invitation clearly says "Can I tactfully mention that I will be smartly dressed". Doesn't mention anything about you having to be. Wink


breatheslowly · 10/05/2011 15:24

I think her phrasing is just plain weird. Either she should have put a dress code on the invitations or not. And writing "tactfully" in a sentence doesn't automatically make it a tactful sentence.


Debs75 · 10/05/2011 15:26

Smartly dressed isn't too hard is it YABU


TiggyD · 10/05/2011 15:32

Smart means different things to different people. Imagine her smartly dressed and wear something of a similar standard. If she had asked you to dress smartly you might have got it wrong if your opinion of what smart is involves your least stained vest and the denim hotpants without the oily hand print of the back.


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