...to be irritated by a dress code for a family party?
Northeastgirl · 10/05/2011 14:44
My aunt & uncle are having a lunch party to celebrate their wedding anniversary. I've received an email "Can I tactfully mention that I will be smartly dressed".
I hate being told what to wear. AIBU to feel about 12 years old? And.........just out of badness, any ideas for a suitable outfit?!
pjmama · 10/05/2011 14:48
It's their party, if you don't want to respect their wishes be smart for them then don't go? If it were a wedding, presumably you'd be happy to get dressed up? Personally I agree that she's probably being a bit precious about it, but to try to deliberately upset her by turning up in an inappopriate outfit would be rather unkind.
Northeastgirl · 10/05/2011 14:54
The lunch is in quite a smart hotel, so I am planning to dress up. I was just irritated by the implication that I can't be trusted to choose an appropriate outfit. My clothing style is less formal than my aunt's but I think that's primarily due to different generations.
My last sentence was meant to be humorous - sorry ! A good example of how email can be misconstrued.
GloriaSmut · 10/05/2011 15:07
I don't really like dress codes at all, especially the quite pointless and contradictory "smart casual" which always results in people coming along in a range of outfits that differ drastically and make a complete nonsense of having a dress code. I make an exception for black tie events because my DP reckons it is so much easier to bung on a dj than ponder over what to wear.
I really don't like dress code instructions though. They so often come across as both ignorant and patronising and I suspect may well result in the opposite effect to that intended.
It's quite reasonable for someone to want a smart occasion but do treat your friends and relatives with the respect of knowing what to wear to it and if they don't have this innate knowledge, does it really matter? Unless your values are really very, very skewed, that is. Because it is the people who will be in attendance that matter to me. Not what they are wearing.
fedupofnamechanging · 10/05/2011 15:09
Actually, I think YANBU. They are implying that you don't know how to dress appropriately for the location/occasion. As you say, you are not 12 years old. I think they are being a little bit rude tbh. Ironic that they are questioning your knowledge of appropriate behaviour whilst displaying a lack of it themselves.
I think there is a difference between stating a dress code on an invitation generally and the comment that they made, which seems aimed at you personally.
Was the same email sent to everyone, in which case, I'd take it less to heart.
Reply, saying that you weren't planning to wear your pj's!
TiggyD · 10/05/2011 15:32
Smart means different things to different people. Imagine her smartly dressed and wear something of a similar standard. If she had asked you to dress smartly you might have got it wrong if your opinion of what smart is involves your least stained vest and the denim hotpants without the oily hand print of the back.
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