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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to be irritated by a dress code for a family party?

36 replies

Northeastgirl · 10/05/2011 14:44

My aunt & uncle are having a lunch party to celebrate their wedding anniversary. I've received an email "Can I tactfully mention that I will be smartly dressed".

I hate being told what to wear. AIBU to feel about 12 years old? And.........just out of badness, any ideas for a suitable outfit?!

OP posts:

Original poster

Northeastgirl · 10/05/2011 15:36

debs75 I've no problem dressing smartly, that's not the problem. I was always intending to dress up. I felt they were being patronising by suggesting that I needed to be told what to wear. It's interesting that other people interpret it as enthusiasm to make it a "special day". That's a more positive spin on it and I will take it that way. Perhaps I was being overly huffy.

OP posts:

Hullygully · 10/05/2011 15:36

heh heh heh

MadreInglese · 10/05/2011 15:37

Has the email gone to everyone invited or is it just you that's a scruff?

Original poster

Northeastgirl · 10/05/2011 15:45

Don't know if the email went to other people too. For the avoidance of doubt I don't have a history of dressing inappropriately. Although my usual choice of clothes is fairly informal I scrub up well when the need arises!

OP posts:

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 10/05/2011 15:47

Some people don't dress up for lunch.

If they're hoping that family members/guests don't look out of place at a smart venue, YABU. And doubly so if they're footing the bill.

Themumsnot · 10/05/2011 15:47

I think YANBU to be irritated by the wording of the email. Reminds me of when I was ordered, in front of the assembled family, by my bossy SIL not to be rude to a particular family member at a family event. Now of course I had no intention of being rude, but by telling me not to she was giving everyone the strong impression that left to my own devices I might have been.
The word 'tactfully' is the real offender in your aunt's email - it's attempting to pre-empt the fact that she is, of course, not being tactful at all.

pingu2209 · 10/05/2011 15:53

clearly your aunt and uncle think you are normally a slob!

TheSmallClanger · 10/05/2011 16:15

Yes, "tactfully" sounds a bit snippy to me.

Brush it off though, it's not a huge deal.

Hullygully · 10/05/2011 16:31

Pore ol Northeast girl.

I was only teasing (dunno about the others)

Auntie may be worried about others, not you, but feel she needs to be general so as not to hurt feelings...

VinegarTits · 10/05/2011 16:36

i think its code for - 'your a scruff, so smarten up'

speakercorner · 10/05/2011 16:55

OP, don't worry about how it is phrased - people are just crap at wording things tactfully.

I once turned up at a family wedding with my sister. She was in jeans, I was dressed for the wedding. When sis said 'I'll go and get changed', my granny assumed I needed to. It was really really humiliating (I was precious 20-year-old) and I ended up sobbing while she tried to smarten me up with gold chains and old-lady hats!

Just dress smartly and make them happy.

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