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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Keep DS off school on Sports Day?

76 replies

SineadTemptation · 10/05/2011 14:08

DS really hates school, he has few friends, is quite socially awkward and has dyspraxia so as you can imagine, Sports day is a nightmare for him. What makes it worse is that the kids at the school are very, very competative and take it all very seriously shouting and screaming etc and it really stresses DS out.

Sports day for ds is nothing but frustration, embarrassment and stress.

I remember the feeling all too well.

He's 10. AIBU to just let him have the day off? He's never usually off, his school attendance is excellent.

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 10/05/2011 14:39

I never got sports day anyway really. Shouldn@t it be voluntary for those who want to compete?

If schools started having a competative music and singing day and forced children to stand up in front of their peers and sing or play instruments badly we'd all be screaming out how unfair and humilating it is. Why is sport any different?

Blu · 10/05/2011 14:39

I would talk to staff about giving hi a role that he will enjoy and can accomplish - keeping score, First Aid Assistant, Refreshments Assistant, or assisting a member of the staff in the office in place of one who has had to be outside, if he can't cope with the crowds and noise.

If they take his dyspraxia seriously they will co-operate. if no chance of any of this (and as he is now 10 that perhaps suggests something?) then in truth I would keep him off.

And I would post about this in SN rather than AIBU Grin

TheBride · 10/05/2011 14:42

If schools started having a competative music and singing day and forced children to stand up in front of their peers and sing or play instruments badly we'd all be screaming out how unfair and humilating it is. Why is sport any different?

You joke. My school had this- we had to do our music practical in front of the whole class. The teacher played a note. We had to sing it back. I'm tone deaf. Imagine it. I provided a lot of entertainment for my class. You know what? It hasn't scarred me.

Rebeccaruby · 10/05/2011 14:52

I feel really strongly about this. I was dyspraxic when nobody knew about this. I cried before every sports day. I always came last. By the way, I'm not one of these people who believes in non-competitive sports days. For some kids it's their chance to shine and might be the only thing they can excell in. Let them have their moment in the sun. But....when you see a school play, you don't cast the child with a terrible stammer who hates speaking in public in a speaking part. In the school orchestra, do they stop at the end and say «and here is Anna who recently lost four fingers in an unfortunate lawnmower accident, let's see how she gets on with the clarinet.»

And nobody will point out the thick kids, or the dyslexic kids, and single them out for comment. So why make sports day mass participation? Let it be a celebration for the kids who love sport and be done with it.

JoanofArgos · 10/05/2011 14:59

Agree with all these points about sport.

Until they get to 'pick teams' for Maths, with the thick kid left staring sadly at his feet as all his friends get chosen one by one and he's left waiting to shamble off at last, to groans from the rest of the team..... I wish we could stop being so bloody barbaric in PE lessons.

ICantFindAFreeNickName · 10/05/2011 15:00

I would keep him off. My DS (Aspergers) has missed a few sports days as he got so stressed about how the other children (& even some parents!) complained about him being on their team & coming last all the time.

He's now at high school and has a great head of year who takes the view that he would prefer him to to have the odd day off when he is getting stressed & can't cope, rather than me forcing him to attend every day, where he gets more & more stressed and does not learn anything anyway.
This sensible attitude means DS is much happier at school. Has less time off, as he does not get so stressed and make himself sick & his grades have improved a lot.

bananasinpjamas · 10/05/2011 15:00

Keep him off. I am a terrible liar and have the same condition (severe) as your son. I have only deliberately faked illness once and that was on sports day- it was humiliating and the team sports made no sense and were overwhelming for me- I was put with the 'YRs' in year 6 to 'Help' them as I couldn't do the activities properly (and was terrified of falling off the bloody balancing equipment, thanks shit depth perception).

I also avoided it when I went to Sixthform - said I was on a uni open day (Tutor found me out and found it hilarious as I frantically tried to blurt out a 'cover' story and told me she would keep it hush as she did exactly the same as a kid so wasn't one to talk!).

Just to reasure you that throwing a sickie does not equate to challenge avoidence or even avoidence of exercise- ignore people who say this. Its a one off- I bet those people have sneaked off something in life and still are very successful people.

For the record, I have severe dyspraxia, SPD and mild cp. I have done my DofE award, 200 hours volunteering award, will be doing race for life, raised over 1300 for charity and at the top uni for my subject. :)

PE really doesn't matter when you leave school. Its not essential like english and maths, and tbh a good parental influence on healthy eating/lifestyle choices is better than any PE lesson. No one, unless you are going to be an olympian, is going to use skipping PE against you as much as they might rely on your SATs results.

Bugger it I say, teachers are just as bad!

Original poster
SineadTemptation · 10/05/2011 15:01

"«and here is Anna who recently lost four fingers in an unfortunate lawnmower accident, let's see how she gets on with the clarinet.»"

Sorry I know it wasn't meant to be funny but this actually made me spit my tea over my laptop Blush Grin

See DS is also very, very self concious and I can just imagine the thoughts running through his head. I was always last in sports day and being forced to participate every year didn't teach me anything other than how unfair the whole school system is.

He's also not very good at maths but he knows he can't just miss his math tests etc - sport just isn't important enough imo to make someone feel so terrible.

OP posts:
bananasinpjamas · 10/05/2011 15:02

I am not morbidly obese either. I am a size 10/12, just under 10 stone and nearly 6foot :)

Chil1234 · 10/05/2011 15:05

Whatever you do next, just don't do it unilaterally. Talk to someone at the school about your concerns and your decision. Your own experience of sports day is clearly colouring your view and the thoughts you are imagining running through his head may not be that accurate. But, whatever you do, don't simply keep him at home without an explanation or discussion. Ironically, it could result in classmates making fun of him if they realise he's opted out.

JoanofArgos · 10/05/2011 15:07

That is true - I know if I'd sacked off a PE day, the next day everyone would have known why and mentioned it, and I would have dreaded that almost as much.

Am not fat either - I've never understood why I should be quite so staggeringly bad at all sport, it seems unfair!

bananasinpjamas · 10/05/2011 15:12

Just say he was ill.

coccyx · 10/05/2011 15:15

Some of the other parents are horrific!! 2 of them nearly had a fight over 'rules' about the skipping race when my dd was in year2!!
I would keep him off. Yes we all have to face things we don't like, but he will not be less of a person for missing it.
if school are funny, i would be quite straight and say the sports day is awful and non inclusive

Rebeccaruby · 10/05/2011 15:29

I feel really strongly about this. I was dyspraxic when nobody knew about this. I cried before every sports day. I always came last. By the way, I'm not one of these people who believes in non-competitive sports days. For some kids it's their chance to shine and might be the only thing they can excell in. Let them have their moment in the sun. But....when you see a school play, you don't cast the child with a terrible stammer who hates speaking in public in a speaking part. In the school orchestra, do they stop at the end and say «and here is Anna who recently lost four fingers in an unfortunate lawnmower accident, let's see how she gets on with the clarinet.»

And nobody will point out the thick kids, or the dyslexic kids, and single them out for comment. So why make sports day mass participation? Let it be a celebration for the kids who love sport and be done with it.

kw1986 · 10/05/2011 15:45

YANBU. I love sports day in primary school - egg and spoon races, 3 legged race, sack race (lots of races it seems!)

But high school I hated!! I'd get sick thinking about it. Luckily every year I got in quick and put my name down for either shot put, javelin, or discus (is that right?) So I'd basically turn up, throw a couple of times and be done and could lie around on the grass for the rest of the day.

I just dont see the point in it at all. Never understood why PE teachers are so bitchy pushy. If you're trying to encourage exercise its a shit way to go about it. I always wished we could just play dodgeball or rounders for every PE lesson.

Original poster
SineadTemptation · 10/05/2011 16:55

I remember the sports day last year, the dad's race ........ omg!! talk about OTT and taking things seriously!

About 4 dads stood up to do it, 2 were just doing it for a laugh but the other two were obvious ego-maniacs and this race meant EVERYTHING to them. One was a karate instructor and the other was a kids football coach.

Well the whistle went these two went at it like their life depended on it! faces all strained, muscles popping out of shirts under the strain - football dad won by centremeters - karate dad grabbed his jacket and stormed off home complaining about the uneven ground!! absolute madness.

OP posts:
Oblomov · 10/05/2011 18:37

I worry about ds1(7). He comes last in all his races and no one wants him in his team. he is currently being assessed for being Aspergers, but the school are toally unsupportive and deny thta there are any issues with him, at all.
Am considering keeping him off too, based on this thread.

Rebeccaruby · 10/05/2011 22:07

Sorry about the double post. Unsure how this happened as it was my first post from my 3G kindle. The two posts were a while apart, too. So not just me posting twice accidentally.

Jenstar21 · 10/05/2011 22:19

My cousin is partially sighted, and has quite severe dyspraxia, along with a number of learning disabilities. When we were at school (same large school - he's 2 years older than me), he wasn't able to take part in most of the sports days, and he got 'official' duties to undertake with the teachers, and other kids who were either injured or also had disabilities. He loved it, and felt very important when he got to fire the hooter or hold the tape at the finish. I think because there was always a few kids in his position, it wasn't a case of being singled out. Oh, and I remember being small, and being really pleased my 'big' cousin got to do the hooter, and thought he was properly special and important (in a good way). :) Maybe they can find roles like that for your son, if that would be something he might enjoy and benefit from?

mummytime · 10/05/2011 22:41

I would complain to the school. I'm being serious if my kids hyper competitive school can instill a sense of cheering for those who take part, and including everyone; including a girl with Downs and another who could barely walk (on her walking frame) 10 yards. These kids got cheered as much as anyone. They also ran some less competitive events which added to the totals but were run in the mornings.
A senior school I know has a scoring system which means it is much better to have someone take part and do badly, than not have anyone compete for your house. It resulted in huge cheers for a very unsporty child, not even in trainers, coming last in one race (and gaining crucial points for her house).

Gooseberrybushes · 10/05/2011 22:46

I would keep him off but really the school should have an entirely different approach.

I've seen highly competitive athletics done where the children that come first etc collect their "place ticket" then run back and run off track with the dead slow ones, the tryers and so on. Everyone cheers and encourages. And there are what - nine, ten? - disciplines so there should be something everyone can have a go at without embarrassing themselves too much. Really crap ones should not be slung in the relay, they should be offered the chance to be officials.

There are ways of maintaining the competitive atmosphere and making it inclusive.

I'm sorry for him and yes - day off vote from me.

Gooseberrybushes · 10/05/2011 22:48

ps by really crap I don't mean "really crap" in a cruel way I'm sorry if it sounds like that, I have a very unsporty child and so I used a too direct term

I mean really bad at sport sorry

Gooseberrybushes · 10/05/2011 22:48

Mummytime am absolutely with you. It can and should be done that way.

Gooseberrybushes · 10/05/2011 22:50

Oblomov: I can't be the only person that wants to gather up your ds after that post and give him a love!

mitochondria · 10/05/2011 22:51

Rebeccaruby - excellent post, and I completely agree.

I remember winning a race once at Sports Day. Only once. It was the backwards race, and I came last (as usual). Then they used to let me do the scores, because although I can't run without falling over or throw or catch, I'm pretty good at maths.

My mum did intervene on my behalf, once, in high school - when the sadistic team captain picking the events put me down for something hideously high profile like the 100 metres out of spite, because she wanted to laugh at me trying to run fast. I managed to get swapped to throwing something heavy instead.

My eldest son has inherited whatever it is that I've got - the total-lack-of-co-ordination-gene - I missed his sports day last year but the video of him in the sack race made me cry - mostly with laughter.