to be so bored being a SAHM

[chicletteeth]

Right, this is not to slate SAHMs. I am one OK (for now anyway). I love my boys and i love spending time with them and taking my eldest to school, middle one to playgroup and then having time with my baby. I like being able to go to assemblies and do all the stuff that isn't necessarily always at a great time for WOHMs (although I appreciate that some will do some/all of these things too). I am not knocking the role of a SAHM! Just to be very clear. I am also not knocking WOHMs, I'm simply talking about my situation and how I feel!

I have always had a job and have had a very successful career thus far but since having children have wanted to work part-time. This has worked well for us and I've been part-time every since DS1 (now 6 was born). I didn't go back after my one year maternity leave after DS3 was born and this is because we are relocating to be reuinted as a family. My DH works away from home all week (he got a job after 9 months out of work but it's not commutable so he lives away) and the fact that he is the higher earner and I don't want to work full time means we are moving house to be near his job and it would not have been commutable back to my old job. I was also happy to leave for other reasons as well which really aren't worth going into. I do plan to go back to work once we've moved and settled our boys in but for now, I am at home all week alone with my 3 DSs. Just me and them. This is fine, it is tiring at times, but we manage ok and I don't find it as stressful as I did when my DH first started to work away back in September.

Anyway, this just gives you the background into my life before I bemoan my lot.

I am bored senseless a lot of the time. I feel deflated and I also feel guilty for feeling this way.

I just don't know what to do with myself! Endless toddler groups, coffee mornings, painting, activities indoors and just general going to soft-play and park is not much fun to do all the time. I obviously do these things some of the time because I like to and I know I should.

There will be some happy fulfilled SAHMs certainly, but I'm not one of them. I just don't know how to fill my day. My house is clean ( it could perhaps be a little cleaner but this is also not what I want to spend my spare time doing), shopping is done, fresh food cooked every night, laundry done and folded etc..

Please somebody tell me what you do to make you happy as a SAHM and how you fill your time keeping mind I've a 17month old, a 3.5 year old and a 6 year old.

Or just tell me to stop moaning and get on with it!

I don't go to tonnes of playccentres and playgroups that's for sure! We do one a week...no more.....they drive me mad.

I used my first few years to set up my own business...time to think, time to dedicate to research....can you use the time to your advantage?

I felt exactly the same , I was sahm for 5 yrs. Enjoyed first few yrs then dullsville hit.
I did do open university course which was great . I think if you find somehting like that to do that is for you alone it will ease the pain.

No advice but I think it does get really dull once you have more than one child - because you have done a lot of the groups already and because you have to spend a lot of time doing the dreary school run and managing sibling rivalry. My SAHM friends do seem to have got a bit downcast now our kids are older (6 and 4). I think we need work!

I would suggest volunteering at a group. I did the local breastfeeding group. It's more fun doing the group than going to it, you interact with the other volunteers on a different level (because you are actually doing something rather than just using the service) and you feel that you are doing something worthwhile. Think that might be worth looking into for you as you are obviously dynamic and a bit frustrated.

you have to think about what it is you like doing.

I was shocked because at one stage i had no idea what it was I would do, if I had time to do it, IYSWIM.

everything felt like a waste of time :(

I make efforts now to read the newspaper (then go on twitter to decode the stories :) ) watch only decent TV (box sets) and most importantly make time for my friends.

I am much happier now.

Do you want a job? Can you not look for one in your new location?

Do you get much time alone during the week? Sounds as if you need some time alone as an adult - even if it's just to navel gaze. It is soul destroying for some people to be constantly on demand. Could you get a CM/nursery place for a few hours for the youngest while the older 2 are at nursery/school? Even do a sitter swap with a friend? It is perfectly normal to need some none child related time in your week.

Thanks thus far for all replies!
I'm off out briefly but will read when I get a moment later and respond, take on board some comments!

My friend is a SAHM and goes to the gym a couple of times a week and puts her children in the creche there for an hour or two while she's at the gym, not really because she desperately needs to go to the gym but just because she needs a bit of time without the children. They can send you crazy sometimes!

You could so be me OP. Have been feeling so down about it lately. I feel extremely temperamental and seem to be arguing with DH and barking at DC at almost every opportunity and I'm quite sure it's down to boredom. I need challenge outside of the home/school dynamic and have applied to CAB to become a volunteer advisor. Have heard nothing from them as yet but am ever hopeful. Would love to get back to studying something (already have degree and masters degree and love learning about/exploring new areas) but just can't afford to do that at the moment. Thanks for the thread. It's made my day much better knowing I'm not the only one.

I feel the same! I've been doing this for 8 years now, still have quite a way to go as have 4 children and the youngest just 12 weeks....I think it's normal to feel bored and annoyed with it all. It goes in phases for me. At the moment BAD phase, but this time last year - great phase (hence new baby!!! it seemed like a good idea...!) Try to get a bit of time off - can your partner take over for a bit? Even driving to Sainsburys BY MYSELF feels like 'me time' these days!

Bloody hell, I just typed out a long response addressing each poster and then I managed to delete it

Grrr.

In brief then, I have attempted to start my own consultancy but lack of time to actually network enough to make it successful is a problem and so I don't really feel I can get it going until we are reunited permanently as a family! I long to get back to work in some capacity, this really will be the first thing I will do!

No more degrees for me, have several and don't want to do another one!
I am attempting an online French course to brush up and get back to my near fluency but again lack of time is not helping me and I am one of these people who is impatient and wants things to happen quickly.

I read the papers and magazines but, I don't know, this just seems like a past-time to fill my day, rather than something productive.

I get no time alone during the week. I am beginning to see now that this is my problem. Up at 6am (if lucky) then all day with my youngest two (unless middle son is at playgroup on the three days he goes) then hopefully all down and in bed by 8pm latest! Then of course there's the general straightening and tidying etc... which takes time and given I have disturbed sleep, I really need to be in bed by 10pm so no real time to do much there either.

I should consider the gym, I need to get fit.

I guess the point being is I feel as though I'm not being productive for myself; to me going to gym and reading etc.. seems like little luxuries rather than being productive. Not knocking them at all, I love to read, and need the exercise but I'm basically frustrated at my lack of progress in other areas.

I guess it's becoming more apparent that I'm really missing work!

devoncreamtea partner works away all week from Sunday evening til late Friday night. At the weekends we try to spend time together as a family.
I shop at Ocado (get a staff discount ) so supermarket shop is really not something i do much anymore

There is no way I would be tidying after the DC go to bed!! I would spend half hour getting them to help you tidy up before bed so you can relax sit on your arse for 2 hours in the evening. Can I suggest meditation without being mocked? Connecting with yourself inwardly and spending time on reflection can help you connect with what you really need and take away some of the urge to be constantly 'doing'.

domedon my eldest is pretty good at helping but I wouldn't expect much from my 3 yr old and nothing from my toddler.
That said, they all bring their dishes to the sink etc... and put toys away and put clothes in laundry basket (even my baby ) but with all of us here all day, it gets quite untidy!
It's the extra stuff like sorting recycling, folding and putting away laundry, unloading and loading dishwasher you know, the minor quick jobs but lots of 'em so it takes time.
Can't sit in a mess, it drives me crazy!

Have not considered meditation to be honest! Whilst I'm doing things most of the day, I'm not particularly active so maybe I'd be happy with a workout DVD.

Anyway, I can see I'm just grumbling! I think I need to vent really, it won't be this way forever!

You're right it won't be lke this forever, but while you're in it it's pretty hard work. I can't suggest anything you haven't thought of yourself really - maybe start looking out for jobs that appeal to you; investigate childcare etc just so you begin to see the possibilities of change - even if you choose not to take them.

I'm in similar situation. Made redundant last year, kept daughter in nursery to minimise disruption to her, so I'm spending a lot of time at home on my own. Most of my friends work, so not a lot going on mid-week. Don't want to spend too much money, as I'm conscious of not earning.

House is clean, washing is done, meals cooked etc, but then what? Feel I should be using my time better.

Not complaining as I realise most people feel they don't have enough "me time", but I think the novelty is wearing off now.

I feel exactly the same hence why I work full time and have done since my DS was 9 months. It was just too tedious and routine for me. Blah. And being 'expected' to put mans tea on t'table when he walks through the door, ive got more to offer imo.

I am bored shitless.
But I was bored at work too.
I feel utterly lost tbh!

I gather you're about to move house and area - I suspect when you do that may provide you with a "project" i.e. getting the new house set up, finding out about the local area, etc.

But that is only short term of course until you get settled and the same routine develops.

I don't have any answers really re the long term - I think it's a question of either persuading yourself that looking after your DCs and running the house IS "productive", or finding a job...

Working on your fitness would be a good, productive way of using the odd spare hours. Fitness DVDs, or Wii perhaps?

bored shitless after 5 years as SAHM, however come september will have one at school and one at pre-school so will for the first time have some time for myself during the week. i'm hoping that will cheer me up, although have the summer holiday slog coming up.

i'm bored of toddler groups, coffee mornings etc.. also on my own most of the week so its lonely and the drudgery of cleaning, cooking etc.. really gets me down.

will hope to find some work in the next 12 months, had to term a job offer down recently as commute was too long

it must be really hard having DH away all week, as I bet some days you have no adult company. When are you moving? If I were you I would perhaps be spending my time making plans for the move, researching preschools that take them from age 2 that you could send your youngest to in 6 months maybe??

You may find it gets better once you move and you and DH are at least seeing each other in the week!

But I do sympathise - I am SAHM to 2 DDs age 3 and 10 months, I gave up work about 18 months ago as we moved house and I was pregnant. At times I love it, and I really do cherish having this time with them. But lately I've been daydreaming about going back to work and doing lots of googling of part time training courses etc I could do to help me get back into the workplace and maybe find a new career.

Sounds to me like you need a night out or a weekend trip away with some girly friends

I hate it too - you are certainly not alone. I feel like a bit of a hypocrite, as I've been justifying it to myself for nigh on 3 years now, but I hate it!! I hate it so much!

I'm frustrated, bored, angry with my life and mentally exhausted.
I would give my left two lug nuts to get some childcare, but we really can't afford it for 1 dc, let alone the 2 of them.
I dearly want a job and to use my brains (I do have some in there under the mush, honest) and to wear nice clothes and be respected by my peers...ugh! I am just totally frazzled.
We have no family members to help us with childcare (well, we do, but my mum was a single mum herself and reckons I have it easy because I have a husband, where she didn't, thus I need no help apparently) and it's tough going.

Mon-Fri 9-5 it's just me and the kiddiwinkles.
Sat and Sun DH is home, but we get so caught up in family duties, children etc that when the weekend's over, we've barely looked at each other.

At least it's summer
[rocks back and forth]

YANBU. Especially with your DH away. Sometimes the sound of DP's key in the door is the only thing that keeps me sane. Which looks a bit sad written down...

I realised today that I was far less knackered when I worked full time and DS was in nursery.

I don't know how my mother stuck with being at home for all those yrs. She never worked again after having her first child.

Another one here who found it rather dull, so op yanbu.

I found I simply had to have something of my own to do, be it a job, a project etc...but definitely not something that had anyhting to do with the DC or running the home.

I guess it's because you enjoyed your job. I'm a SAHM, and I have boring days but in general I'm not bored with it. Certainly no more bored than I was at work! But maybe if I'd had a job I really loved and was passionate about I'd be struggling with staying at home.