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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU (or silly) to take my 9w baby to a friends house party

33 replies

KnockedUpMell · 09/05/2011 21:15

My DS is starting to have a predictable night time routine, and his longest stretch of sleep starts at around 7-8pm, and typically lasts around 5 hours. Would it be really silly for us to take the baby out in the evening for a house party? As it is, it takes about 30 mins of patting him to sleep before he will start that 5 hour stretch and I don't see how we will be able to achieve that at a friends house. I am worried it will be too noisy to hear him cry if we did settle him in the spare room. And would it be unfair on the baby to take him out at bedtime and would it make him tired and cranky?

The party is about 30-40 mins away from home and I don't feel comfortable leaving him with my mum yet as it will be the first time leaving him alone, and I would rather be close by for the first time, so I feel our options are either to take him, or for DH to go alone.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 09/05/2011 21:17

I think he would be better off in his own house and environment, with your mum (who I am sure will be more than capable... she brought you up remember!).... while you go out fo a couple of hours and enjoy yourself without worrying about noise levels, smokers, etc.

diggingintheribs · 09/05/2011 21:19

bite the bullet and leave him with your mum - you aren't that far away. And you can always come home early if you are finding it tough

Northeastgirl · 09/05/2011 21:25

I'd say go for it. My daughter is 4 and from a young age she came to parties in her buggy and slept in the spare bedroom. She now sleeps in the host's bed until it 's time to go home. She is happy to settle anywhere and I do think it's because we took her out and about from a young age. Having said that, if we'd tried it and it didn't work, then we might not have persevered.

You can check on him as often as you wish and you can always leave if it's not working out.

30 mins patting him to sleep sounds like a long time, BTW. I know that's not your original question but I'd be tempted to try just walking out of the room and see how quickly he can settle himself

onessa · 09/05/2011 21:31

Personally I think 9 weeks old is far too young to leave a baby with anyone but baby's mum or dad. I certainly couldn't have left any of my children at such a young age , and wouldn't have enjoyed it if' I had left them.
If you really must go to the party, couldn't you just pop in with the baby, say your hellos, show the baby off and then take him back to settle in his own home?
Each to their own though--its what you are comfortable with that matters.

hormonalmum · 09/05/2011 21:39

Use a sling? Baby can sleep in there.

sprinkles77 · 09/05/2011 21:40

I was leaving my DS overnight at my parents at 8 weeks. I'm sure your mum will manage for a few hours. Go out and have some fun!

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 09/05/2011 21:42

Years ago I left my son at 3 weeks old with my PILS while we went to a new year's eve party. He was just fine!

Gentleness · 09/05/2011 21:48

We went away for a group weekend when ds1 was 6wks old and it was fine. He was a good sleeper though and pretty chilled all round.

Before we were able to have our own kids, I was able to watch friends start their own families and it was clear you have to start as you mean to go on. Those people who took their kids to everything (obviously not wild parties) and therefore effectively taught them how to sleep in different rooms / light-levels / noise-levels - they had a much more flexible family life. Others who decided that the best place for baby to sleep was in his/her own bed in a controlled environment every night had much more restricted evenings and friendships, and when they DID need to take the kids to an event they had a nightmare getting them settled.

For me, I'd go for flexibility every time. Then our ds has been dream-child. Ds2 is due last Saturday and seems like a livelier soul so we may not get our flexibility quite as easily this time.

skybluepearl · 09/05/2011 22:33

If hes fomula fed then you do have a choice. It's tricky though as it's hard to leave a new baby in the care of someone else - even your own mother. Mine is about the same age but breast fed. He sleeps so well at night but i have to feed him quite a bit in the evenings before i go to bed. i still go out to friends houses as normal but just bring him along and feed him every so often. He is very portable and quiet. Even a house party can't wake him in his sling or car seat.

Saying that i do like a bit of routine. My kids really need thier sleep and are in bed at 7 each night. Darkened room, any old bed, a quick song and they are off to the land of nod. Late nights make them grumpy and whingy for days. I quite like a bit of child free time but i have struggled in the past at friends houses, when their school age kids were madly running around at 10pm being rude and spoiling an chats/meals.

MadamDeathstare · 09/05/2011 22:40

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fedupwithdeployment · 09/05/2011 22:41

I took DSs to a New Year Party when DS2 was 8 days old. In fairness it was pretty civilised and he slept all the way through it - probably had the odd feed, I can't remember now! It was an awful lot easier than it subseqently became...DS1 transfers v easily from a friend's bed to car to home. DS2 doesn't!

missmakesstuff · 09/05/2011 22:46

We took DD everywhere, in a sling at that age, later in her buggy. We still do, although it isn't as easy now she is older, we find we have to get her back for bedtime as she is much more aware and sleeps better in her own bed at a year! It depends what you are comfortable with, but i would say if you don't want to be restricted about going out later on, then get her used to sleeping in different places now - she might surprise you - dd slept through a football match watched at someones house, tucked up in the sling at that age - despite the cheering, didn't wake once. the good thing about being at someones house is that they can accomadate you, if they are good friends. It was lovely having the freedom when she was tiny, we don't have it now as she is into everything!

sleepingsowell · 09/05/2011 22:47

I don't think it's always as simple as the parents 'making' their children able to be flexible where they sleep as Gentleness says though - if only it was! I was fully ready to be that parent who takes baby about and settles them off wherever they may be and carries on the fun - but my DS had other ideas!

Personally, in this scenario, you're saying the baby will have around 5 good hours of kip in the evening, so it seems crazy to take him out of the home - you'd clearly be worrying that you wouldn't hear him etc so why not just ask your mum to babysit, as he will in all likelihood not wake at all in the time you're gone, if you time it carefully?

strandedbear · 09/05/2011 22:49

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flyinstar · 09/05/2011 22:54

give yourself a night off,you can call your mum to see if he is ok,and she would prob love the chance to have baby for a cuddle tooSmile.

bubbleymummy · 09/05/2011 22:58

We brought our babies with us everywhere. I suppose it depends on what kind of party it is though - loud music/drunkenness etc. They weren't really the types of things we were going to. I don't really go in for the put to bed in a certain place at a certain time after a certain order of things type of routine anyway. I put babies to sleep when they're tired and ours slept and still do sleep anywhere.

Shock at northeasts 'self settling' suggestion - he's 9 weeks old!

foreverondiet · 09/05/2011 23:08

I left my DC with either my mum or MIL at that age. They were BF but would take a bottle. Meant I could enjoy evening out without keeping one ear open for the baby crying.

dreamingbohemian · 10/05/2011 00:53

We left DS with my mum for a few hours when he was 6 weeks, I think. No problems. If yours is reliably sleeping 8-12 they won't even notice you're gone! And I'm sure your mum will take good care if he wakes up. It's good for grandparents to get practice in settling them too.

lynehamrose · 10/05/2011 06:43

I would leave your baby as he's a good sleeper and will settle much better in his own home than if you drag him along and possibly spend the entire evening missing the party because you're upstairs patting him asleep, only to then have to stir him to take him home!

It's nonsense to say a baby is 'too young' to be left with anyone other than its parents at this age. If anything, this age is far easier than if you never leave the child until 6 or 12 months- as then they find separation far more tricky. As long as the babysitter has a means of feeding him should he wake - so express beforehand or leave formula- though with his good routine he probably wont wake at all, and you can go to the party, enjoy it with your dh and then return home with the baby never having even woken

IThinkTooMuch · 10/05/2011 07:00

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IThinkTooMuch · 10/05/2011 07:03

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NinkyNonker · 10/05/2011 07:06

I wouldn't leave a 9 wk old anywhere (room or with granny) to be honest. Perhaps get a sling (stretchy or woven) and she can sleep on you? Dd is 9 mo and we've been toany parties and dinners like that!

NinkyNonker · 10/05/2011 07:10

And at 9 mo she still won't self settle, she'd be very upset were we to walk out and leave her so we don't do it. Both her behaviour and ours is very normal!

zookeeper · 10/05/2011 07:15

Why wouldn't you leave a nine week old with his/her granny? what do you think would happen? I'm genuinely interested.

I would leave your ds with his granny - it doesn't sound as if you'll be able to relax at all if you take him.

NinkyNonker · 10/05/2011 07:33

I just wouldn't. At that age dd would still wake sometimes (pretty reliable sleeper but you never knew), she was BF, tiny and only wanted her mum or dad. I didn't, and still don't like the idea of her waking, getting upset etc and one of is not being there. At 9 mo she still hasn't been baby sat. We're far from precious, just in no rush. Each to their own I guess.