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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to offer advice???

100 replies

grannyhen · 09/05/2011 21:05

I'm concerned about my gc - he doesn't have set bedtimes and he grazes throughout the day, and drinks from a bottle. HE is not potty trained. He is 2 yo. I'm a bit worried the lack of routine will store up more problems later on, my son and DIL don't seem to care. Should I persist with advising them or leave them to get on with it?? I'm considering inviting him to stay with me and trying to potty train him myself.

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 09/05/2011 21:25

grannyhen. Did you not get the message on this thread that people said you need to BACK OFF! I was kind to you on that thread, but I see now just how interfering you are. Please do not inflict yourself on your poor son-in-law 2 days a week (see other thread), and please back off this poor couple too. I think my ds1 was in a similar position when he was 2 on all those fronts, and now he is 5, he is completely potty trained day and night (from 3yrs old), stopped having a bed bottle at 2.5 and only started going to bed at 7.30 when he was in school nursery (nearly 4 years old). He is a fine, intelligent and happy boy.

BluddyMoFo · 09/05/2011 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

280169 · 09/05/2011 21:26

if hes late hes late, my kids do not have set bedtimes only that its before 9.30 sometimes its 8 sometimes 9.30 whatever, they have never been late and have 100 percent attendance this year.

yes i get them up tired but thats life

leave them be you will regret interfearing
you seem to really care but you ned to step back for the sake of your realationship with them

saffy85 · 09/05/2011 21:27

He's not your son though, he's your grandson, so these aren't your decisions to make. Butt out or you'll make yourself really, really unpopular.

I would go apeshit be very, very pissed off if my MIL even suggested she take it upon herself to potty train MY child. Your DGS is 2. There's plenty of time. My DD was 2.8 years when she decided for herself to ditch nappies and took to it within a week. 2-3 days of accidents (only 1 or 2 in a day) and that was it. The reason your DIL and son don't seem to care about it is because it's no big deal.

I love having a routine at bedtime for DD couldn't cope without it really. But different strokes for different folks. Their set up works for them so why are you getting your knickers in such a twist? It doesn't affect you at all.

kw1986 · 09/05/2011 21:27

In nappies at 2 - my DD only potty trained a month or so ago and she was 3 in March

Bottles at 2 - Again my DD had a bottle until just over 2, she just wouldn't part with it. Now drinks from a beaker and open top cup. She did it when she felt like it.

Nappy rash - Where there's nappies there's often (not always) nappy rash.

No routine - .... Aaaannnnnddd??? Why is that a bad thing? He's 2, he can't tell time!

I think you need to keep your help to yourself unless specifically asked. He's not being neglected and what they are doing is working for them. And that's what matters as they are his parents.

Original poster
grannyhen · 09/05/2011 21:27

I will try to give heathier food to the child when I am with him and then see if he would prefer to use pull-ups.

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 09/05/2011 21:27

Disengage Granny Hen, disengage.

You are a mum indeed, but not to GS.

You run a very serious risk of alientating yourself from you DS, DIL and GS if you interfere.

I never had a major bedtime routine, it just happened and they were usually always asleep by 8 with no major problems!

Bottle on occasion at this age is no big deal either, as long as he is learning to use a cup.

Nappy rash can be caused by teething to name one other thing.

Seriously, take a step back and chill out!

Serenitysutton · 09/05/2011 21:27

No offence granshen but calm to frigg down! You sound vaugely hysterical. You have to smile and suck it up. You got to raise your children the way you wanted so afford them the same favour.

chicletteeth · 09/05/2011 21:29

Don't use pull-ups without pemission.

I would be fuming if somebody did that for my boys without my say so.

He's 2 for christ sake, just leave it.

There are many of the opinion that pants aren't great anyway!

WoTmania · 09/05/2011 21:29

YABU

Glad you're not my MIL. DD is 26 mo, in nappies, no set bedtimes( and no bed - we still cosleep) , grazes and nurses through the day (on healthy stuff). I bet you would have a field day 'advising' me.

You can 'advise' all you like. They can accept or ignore as they like.

Needanewname · 09/05/2011 21:29

I see the OP is not answering any questions that may question whether she is too overbearing

bustersmummy · 09/05/2011 21:29

You are far too involved in this family's life.

You seriously need to butt out.

You are going to end up driving a wedge between your daughter and her husband.

ohmyfucksy · 09/05/2011 21:30

You sound like a massive pain in the arse

Flisspaps · 09/05/2011 21:30

Why pull-ups?

He's 2!

5318008 · 09/05/2011 21:31

oh dear

I foresee fireworks

280169 · 09/05/2011 21:31

i am sorry you ask for advice but are completly unwilling to take it

why ask

you will ruin your relationship if you carry on like this

Shakirasma · 09/05/2011 21:32

With the best will in the world you cannot potty train a child until they are ready! 2 yo is very young, the children out of nappies at that age are few and far between.

The best thing to do with advice is to give it only when asked.

MerryMarigold · 09/05/2011 21:32

Grannyhen mentioned that when she is in her dd's house that she stays in her room and meditates when her son in law is home. Granny, tis time for some meditation. Try and medidate on all the GOOD things your kids do for their grandkids, all the ways they are really good parents, maybe even the ways in which their parenting is better than yours was. We all have strengths and weaknesses. By the way, pull ups without potty training are a waste of money.

sickoftheholidays · 09/05/2011 21:33

DD was in nappies, and still had 3 bottles a day until she potty trained 2 months shy of her 3rd birthday.
She also grazes throughout the day, and I do support this with healthy snacks, as actually, humans evolved to eat in this pattern, and eating 3 large meals a day is not natural for our species.

While you are entitled to your opinions, I wouldnt suggest that you voice them as you may find that the answer you get is not the one you are hoping for.

Ishani · 09/05/2011 21:33

I will try to give heathier food to the child when I am with him and then see if he would prefer to use pull-ups.

Oh will you now, that would be enough for me end unsupervised contact if it was my child, you'd not get your sticky paws on him again.
My nan was like you, it ended badly.

bustersmummy · 09/05/2011 21:34

You know the difference between advice and orders?

Advice you can chose to take or leave.

If I was your daughter and son-in-law I'd be leaving yours.

MerryMarigold · 09/05/2011 21:34

Granny likes asking for advice she doesn't listen to! Overbearing is an appropriate description.

ohmyfucksy · 09/05/2011 21:35

Clearly a wind up if you look at the other thread

Shakirasma · 09/05/2011 21:35

Also for the record, if my parents or inlaws disrespected my parenting methods when my kids were in their care I would tear strips off them and they would never have my children alone again.

Stick your oar in if you will but you may end up losing them all

MerryMarigold · 09/05/2011 21:36

Is it a wind up? Could it be a different family? But certainly the pull up comment seemed a little too inflammatory for a real granny!