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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being induced...

52 replies

MoistTowelette · 09/05/2011 14:43

It is looking very very likely that I will be induced this week.
I have spent an hour working out childcare arrangements for our toddler and it is sorted.
Just informed DH of the plans and that all he needs to do is get DD1 to nursery in the morning and join me in hospital a few hours later (I am being admitted at 6am) after she is settled.
He has just told me that he assumed he would join me when the 'action starts to happen' and I could text him. His paternity leave would start on this day so he is not coming from work.

We have no family nearby (live overseas).

I know it will be long day but as my husband, I assumed he would like to be there with me and not be at home on a fucking football forum until the 'excitement starts'.
AIBU?

OP posts:
takethisonehereforastart · 09/05/2011 14:46

YANBU.

What does he call action?

reikizen · 09/05/2011 14:49

to be fair, it is very long and very boring and I do often wonder why women insist their partners come along and are no help/comfort at all. Would a good friend be better company?

TheSecondComing · 09/05/2011 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuackQuackBoing · 09/05/2011 14:54

He should be there to keep you company, make you laugh, fetch you snacks etc. Yes he should be there!

Have you pointed out also that he would risk missing it altogether if the labour was very quick?

My DH said he didn't want to be at the birth so I told him fine, just make sure that you and all your belongings are gone from the house by the time I get out of hospital . . . turned out he was joking!

BillBrysonsRucksack · 09/05/2011 14:55

I'm being induced on Monday and DH is going to come with me intially and we'll see how it goes from there. TBF, he can go back to work so he's not using up precious paternity leave so it's a bit of a different situation, but I don't see any point in both of us just sitting around waiting!

I would be peed off, however, if all he's going to do is sit in front of the computer. Can you leave your DH a list of jobs to do so the house is ready for when you get home? Change the bed sheets, clean the bathroom, make a meal to freeze down, that sort of thing.

trixie123 · 09/05/2011 14:58

yes he's being a twat. Surely as your DH he would be someone you would want around (ie, good, if not better company than any friend). I spent 4 days waiting for induction to work and DP was there the whole time - yes at times we were both bored but it would have been much worse if he'd not been there.

MarianneM · 09/05/2011 15:00

???

Sorry, but your DH is an arse.

I was induced, and it wasn't until day 3 that DD was born. You'll need him there! I can't imagine what it would have been like to be in the antenatal ward for two days with killer contractions (and no pain relief) without DH!

What is he thinking of?

WhiteTrash · 09/05/2011 15:07

MarrianneM I assume the husband meant until the contractions started.

I can see both your points of view, you dont want to be on your own. But it can take ages for anything to happen so he probably doesnt want to be sat on a plastic chair twiddling his thumbs for two dats until the contractions start.

I'll probably be in your shoes this time next week. I'll be getting dp to drop me and my bag off at the hospital and waving farewell until something actually starts happening. I'll be taking a few magazines and my MP3 player and he'll be at home with ds until 'its time' basically.

Good luck with it all though.

minipie · 09/05/2011 15:09

If he had urgent work to do, or was looking after DD1, then I could maybe just about think it might be reasonable for him to stay away until the later stages.

But if he's just wanting to stay at home on the sofa? Sod that, he should be with you.

YA Soooo NBU

bruffin · 09/05/2011 15:11

YABU agree with Reikizen -
I started being induced monday morning at 6.30am and ds was born wednesday at 22.45. DH not allowed to stay with me as I didn't got to labour ward until very early wednesday morning, when they called DH to come. He was obviously there for his normal visiting times, but I don't actually see what good he would have been there

pixiestix · 09/05/2011 15:12
Angry

No offense to you but your husband sounds like a complete twat.

My contractions started about 20 mins after the synto drip went in. There is no way I would have wanted to be on my own through that.

Original poster
MoistTowelette · 09/05/2011 15:19

We live overseas and haven't been here that long so whilst I do have some lovely friends there is no one close enough I would feel comfortable to ask to come with me.
English in not the first language spoken in the hospital or by a majority of the hospital staff either (we are in a developing country) so I would definitely feel more comfortable if he was there as I have had some issues with the language barrier throughout the whole pregnancy.
We do live close by to the hospital so he could come and go just didn't think he would want to wait till the actual frigging birth.
BillBryson - we have someone who helps us at home so nothing he can really do.

OP posts:
breatheslowly · 09/05/2011 15:22

He is being an arse. On the otherhand he may not be able to start his paternity leave that day. I went in for induction on a Monday and DD arrived on the Thursday. As you can't start your paternity leave until the baby arrives DH had to take holiday for the first days. DD was my first though and I don't think it takes as long for inducing subsequent babies. We spend the first days wandering around the hospital grounds. I would have been lonely without him there.

Firawla · 09/05/2011 15:23

yanbu, if i was you i would want him there. if his paternity leave has started then and he wouldnt be in work i dont see any excuse why not to be there. as its not your first dc then hopefully it would not take sooo long for the induction to work anyway? if you want him there he should be there, to give support. yes it sometimes is long and boring but still he should be there

Sirzy · 09/05/2011 15:24

I could understand him not being there to care for another child but what you have described yes he is being unreasonable.

If he doesn't want to sit around the hospital all day then give him jobs to so before he comes then he can just come for the afternoon?

BillBrysonsRucksack · 09/05/2011 15:28

Moist I didn't realise you were in a developing country and there is a language barrier.

In that case YAdefNBU!

Original poster
MoistTowelette · 09/05/2011 16:02

The irony is didn't go back to home country to have birth in case he missed it...FFS!! Could have had mum/sister/best friend there on shifts providing non stop entertainment.
Thanks for responses. He is usually very lovely and I am sure he will be cringing when he thinks about it tomorrow.

breatheslowly - 4 days OMG!!

OP posts:
breatheslowly · 09/05/2011 16:47

Moist - I wasn't in labour until the last day and then it was pretty quick.

EssexGurl · 09/05/2011 16:55

My induction was pretty rubbish. I went in 8am on Tuesday morning and DS was born 9.50pm on Thursday night. The medical care was pants and they didn't even bother to read my notes when they examined me so didn't know what treatment I had already had - or to be more precise, not had. It was awful. DH wasted 3 days of his paternity leave when nothing was happening. TBH I would have been happy to have gone in on my own and called him when things got moving. But he wanted to be there, which was nice, but in hindsight a waste of his time. So, don't expect that because you are being induced on a certain day, you will have the baby that day. A friend of mine ended up with 4 days of mild contractions before having CS.

Shakirasma · 09/05/2011 17:11

YANBU
A fathers role is to be there as a support partner. But too many just think it's about their right to see their child born.

IMO if you made the baby together and you birth the baby together, then you labour together.

If he can't be arsed to support you during your labour of his child then he has no right to pop in at the end just to see the fruits of your labour.

MCos · 09/05/2011 17:46

HI OP, when I was induced with DD2, contractions took ages to start (maybe 10 hours?), I read a whole novel while I was waiting!, but DD2 was born within 30 mins of contractions starting. DH stayed with me, I think he also had his own book to read, and we just chit-chatted, etc. I was also in foreign country,but at least one where English was spoken.

Have your DH bring in some 'toys' to help him pass the time if necessary, iPod, iPad, good book, whatever... And don't forgot to bring in good magazines/books for you too. You might have a long wait.

DD1 was an emergency induction, and contractions started within 1 hour. I think that was probably due to the situation we were in, and not normal induction experience.

diabolo · 09/05/2011 17:51

I was induced at the end of my first pregnancy. It took 5 hours from being induced to holding a bundle of screaming new baby in my arms.

I think he should be with you. I think he should want to be with you, you are giving birth to his baby after all!

LordOfTheFlies · 09/05/2011 18:37

YANBU MoistTowelette but you might find the hospital sends him away after they start the induction.I was induced with DD and was put on a ward where one lady was been monitored for bleeding and one was having a check up (weekly screening) so I suppose they don't always want Dads-to-be sitting there.I just wanted to sleep-which I did!!- theory being if anything happens it'll wake me up(2nd baby,knew from previous experience to grab 40 winks whenever,wherever[big grin]

ohmyfucksy · 09/05/2011 21:54

YANBU, you will need support from the get go

Are you sure he actually wants to be at the birth? Maybe it would be better to get your mum/sister/a friend?

I would state that a birth partner's job is to be there for the duration (not just the exciting bit) and support properly. If he can't be arsed to do that I would get someone else.

Flisspaps · 09/05/2011 21:56

I'd tell him if he was there for the whole process of getting the baby in there, he can bloody well be there for the whole process of getting it out!

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