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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being induced...

52 replies

MoistTowelette · 09/05/2011 14:43

It is looking very very likely that I will be induced this week.
I have spent an hour working out childcare arrangements for our toddler and it is sorted.
Just informed DH of the plans and that all he needs to do is get DD1 to nursery in the morning and join me in hospital a few hours later (I am being admitted at 6am) after she is settled.
He has just told me that he assumed he would join me when the 'action starts to happen' and I could text him. His paternity leave would start on this day so he is not coming from work.

We have no family nearby (live overseas).

I know it will be long day but as my husband, I assumed he would like to be there with me and not be at home on a fucking football forum until the 'excitement starts'.
AIBU?

OP posts:

mercibucket · 09/05/2011 22:01

should be your choice not his
I told dh not to bother til things got interesting - whole day was deadly dull - then it all got interesting too quickly and he arrived just in time to see me being wheeled off for c section! he still claims it was the best birth! I wasn't bothered tbh but then again it was my choice.

blindmelon · 09/05/2011 22:04

YANBU! I was induced with DD2 and was pretty nervous about it. I needed DH there for moral support, to keep me calm, to take my mind off things and to go get the midwife for me when things started to happen.

By all means he can bring a book or his ipod, or maybe even pop home for some food if things are going slowly. But that's about it!

Good luck... Btw anyone know if the person who posted about induction last week (pink something or other) ever came back with an update??

blindmelon · 09/05/2011 22:04

By all means he can bring a book or his ipod, or maybe even pop home for some food if things are going slowly. But that's about it!

Good luck... Btw anyone know if the person who posted about induction last week (pink something or other) ever came back with an update??

SpringHeeledJack · 09/05/2011 22:10

YANBU

I feel your pain, tho. When I was waiting for an ERPC (??) after a missed miscarriage and very upset, DP went off 'to get something to read' and disappeared for the best part of two hours. When he came back, I'd really been stewing, and told him to fuck off home

he did

I had to text him and ask him to come back

I bet your dp just has no fucking idea and is thinking "ooh, day off!" Put the bugger straight, quick!

skybluepearl · 09/05/2011 22:15

how fast it is depends on how you are induced. if its a gel/tablet up the muff then it will proabably be quite a normal length labor. if its a drip induced labor it could be very fast - mine was only 3 hours for me from start to finish. hubby should be there for you if you are in the labour ward laboring.

apprenticemum · 09/05/2011 22:31

I was induced and I made bleeding sure DH was there for the duration. After all - he was there for the start so it was only right that he was there for the finish! If there was a machine that would let him share my experience, I would have had him hooked up to that too! I think he got the best half of the event.

cunexttuesonline · 09/05/2011 23:24

is it the f365 forum by any chance?

Sierra19 · 10/05/2011 01:03

YANBU. My induction took 6 (!) days. I would have gone nuts on my own for that amount of time.

confuddledDOTcom · 10/05/2011 01:28

I can see it from both sides. An induction can take a long time, I always smile when I hear women being told it will happen quickly because I'm pretty sure (and often right) they'll be in this time next week. There's not much point expecting it to happen immediately when they induce you (unless it's the drip as they will make sure it happens, but it's usually a last resort not the first option). I spent 1/4 of my one pregnancy in hospital and yes it can get boring but you read books, do puzzles, go for walks etc to relieve it. I remember the men who never left, some who insisted on staying over night in a room of three other women, it's not nice on the others and it's pointless when nothing is happening. We'd have all liked our partners there but it would be chaos.

I wouldn't want anyone at the birth who doesn't want to be there either. Sorry but the people who say otherwise don't understand much about the physiological process and the effect it can have on the mother. Even if a man is preoccupied with his bladder the mother will pick it up. Anyone who is there needs to be fully there, not wishing they weren't.

If my partner was planning to be there though and left me alone in hospital to play games or chat online I would be upset. I'm aware when I go in (which I do a lot as you've probably guessed) that he can't be with me the whole time as there are other things happening but I wouldn't be happy to know he was childfree and playing games rather than being with me.

MollyMurphy · 10/05/2011 02:12

That would piss me off - I would have totally had a fit. The least a husband can do is bloody well be there, bored or not while you are in the process of labour and yes - induction at all stages counts IMO. I was induced 3 times and it didn't feel like being licked by kittens I can tell you that.

I would tell him to get off his arse and get his priorities straight.

PenguinArmy · 10/05/2011 02:18

DH just did (lasted about 10 secs) and then said that it was disgusting (DH not you OP)

bruffin · 10/05/2011 08:32

"I spent 1/4 of my one pregnancy in hospital and yes it can get boring but you read books, do puzzles, go for walks etc to relieve it. I remember the men who never left, some who insisted on staying over night in a room of three other women, it's not nice on the others and it's pointless when nothing is happening. We'd have all liked our partners there but it would be chaos".

I was in hospital for 2 months before my marathon induce (3 days) and agree with you. Thankfully noone was allowed to stay outside of visiting hours (which were all day for DHs) but I would have hated it if men had been allowed to stay on the ward. There was enough inidignity being stuck in hospital without having to worry about other peoples partners.

LynetteScavo72 · 10/05/2011 08:37

YANBU at all! He's being a bit of an idiot but I'm sure he'll realise this when you speak to him about it again. Good luck with everything xx

confuddledDOTcom · 10/05/2011 08:49

I was allowed my partner to stay once, for almost a week. I was in labour at 24 weeks and transferred across the country. Because I'd been transferred I was barrier nursed, as coming from another hospital increases the risk of MRSA, so I had a private room and bathroom. They allowed him to stay because otherwise he would have had to get a hotel and as I was in a private room it wasn't affecting anyone else.

I can remember knowing that there was a man on the other side of the curtain to me, so close I could have touched him. They talked a lot and as he was using two chairs put together he didn't sleep well so talked through the night!

I hate men being on the ward because they look in every window (even when their partner - or whoever they're visiting - is with them) and you feel like you're on show.

Original poster

MoistTowelette · 10/05/2011 08:57

Sorry went to bed (hefty time difference) and have had busy morning.

I was prepared to take the computer modem with me to hospital to spoil his fun...however there were many apologies this morning. Admitted he wasn't thinking, tired, being an arse etc. Will be with me the whole way. Thought he could get some work done at home and clear the decks a bit (apparently checking football forums every ten minutes helps him think), be here when toddler got home from nursery to give her lunch before her world is turned upside down etc. then he would come when she was asleep. Hmmm...but TBF very stressful job that has caused no end of sleepless nights.

Just assumed as we are overseas with no family around us and that because there is limited English spoken here and at the hospital that he would want to be there more than ever. I chose to stay here to have the baby so he wouldn't miss a thing.

bruffin-will be in room by myself thanks to health insurance provided by DHs company so no problem there but get your point. Can't believe you did two months in hospital!

Bit scared of the induction now after reading stories here - Sierra 6 days!!
Like I said language barrier here as I don't speak local language and her English is limited too but doctor told me that I would go in at 6am and the baby would be born that afternoon or evening as they would hook me up to a drip so it would be fast?

Obviously need to research this further and rethink the childcare issue a bit too just in case!

Thanks for your responses.

OP posts:

EmmaBemma · 10/05/2011 09:09

"how fast it is depends on how you are induced. if its a gel/tablet up the muff then it will proabably be quite a normal length labor."

I think that v. much depends on what a normal length labour is for you - I was induced with pessary for my first child, contractions started about 2 hours later and my daughter was born three hours after that.

confuddledDOTcom · 10/05/2011 12:48

If they're planning to give you syntocin then you're likely to have it very quickly, it also greatly increases your risk of a section as the contractions are incredibly intense with the drip and don't build up like normal contractions. It also means a lot of monitoring so labouring on your back which also increases the risk. I'm a bit shocked at them planning to do syntocin as a first option and planning on you delivering same day, I just keep hearing the term "pit to distress" which means turning up pit (another name for syntocin) until it's too much for mother or baby.

I would certainly ask, if there is no reason why you need to have the baby out quickly, if you can try other methods - such as a sweep or pessary - before they put the drip up. Just reading my manual and it says "The drip should not be started for 6 hours following administration of vaginal prostaglandins"

Honeybee79 · 10/05/2011 12:50

YANBU. Yes, it's long and boring but he should be there to support you through it if that's what you want. He has to be there for the dull bits not just the fun bits!

Honeybee79 · 10/05/2011 12:51

Sorry, "fun" not really the right word. Am knackered. "Exciting" is better.

Esmeralda67 · 10/05/2011 13:53

As a midwife in UK, I know induction can easily take several days of waiting about. It is rarely started with syntocinon as a first line as women require ruptured membranes before syntocinon can be started. I am amazed that a doctor can guarantee a baby will come the same day though. It sounds over managed to me.

cuteboots · 10/05/2011 13:55

YANBU from my experience it all kicked off really quickly and I was glad of all the support I had right from the start.

confuddledDOTcom · 10/05/2011 14:50

I'm so glad a MW said the same as me!

I honestly can only see them doing "pit to distress" (in case it didn't come across in my pp this is something done deliberately, I don't think it's done here in the UK, I really hope not) to get a woman from a standing start on just the drip to deliver in one day. I hope I'm wrong and just read too much My OB Said What?!?! because it doesn't sound like they want the baby to come out naturally.

x2boys · 11/05/2011 08:16

I guesseverybodysdifferent i have been induced twice first because my warersbroke but did nt dilate second time becauseat twelve daysoverdue they took me in for the induction process both times it was along arduos process my husbandwasent there for thewhole time on the first occasion because it was xmas ds1 was born at 550am boxing day [2006] andsecond time becausealthough my oparents were looking after ds1dh had to keep seeing hewas ok and bringing him in to see me i was in hospital 48 hrsbefore ds2 was born he was there though from when i eventually went down to the delivery suite untill they were both actually born my baby is 1 on monday so i was in exactly the same position this time last year good luck

Original poster

MoistTowelette · 11/05/2011 14:53

Esmeralda thanks for your expert advice.
I am in a developing country where the procedures are somewhat dated and normal guidelines don't always apply.
I went for a look at the delivery room last week and there were stirrups!

I have been researching loads today and I am going to go for a second opinion with another English speaking doctor. My instincts tell me to hang on and wait for a natural delivery.
The hospital has an extremely high c-section rate as well.

OP posts:

mercibucket · 11/05/2011 16:18

having been in pretty much exactly the same situation I think that's a very very sensible idea moisttowelette
I've been agonising over whether to mention it or not but knowing what I now know about the country/private hospitals/medical practices in the country where I gave birth, I would be very wary of over medicalised births and plans that end in conveniently timed c sections. I guess you have also checked out the views on epidurals/drips/enemas? I was rather surprised to find shaving and enemas still the done thing! Wasn't something i'd thought about asking beforehand
no harm in getting a second opinion. at least that's one benefit of non-nhs treatment!

what are the reasons for the induction btw and are any reasons related to the medical care in case of emergency etc?

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