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AIBU?

to be really really angry

36 replies

cuteboots · 09/05/2011 08:35

Had another falling out with my little boys dad on Saturday as I said I didnt want him staying at my house which meant he had to get a taxi back home. The fact he was expecting this to happen and he also turned up with a bag of washing! WTF!! He then stomped out of the house saying thats the last time you will do that to me???

Anyway we are now not talking and he didnt bother attending the concert that my son was playing in on Sunday. It was absolutely heart wrenching watching my son scan the people in the audience to see if he was there. Im rejoining the gym today to take out some of my anger as Im so angry!! Was I right to say I dont want him staying at my house?! I feel I was well within my rights and the bag of washing just sort of added fuel to the fire.

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squeakytoy · 09/05/2011 08:37

Are you in a relationship with him?

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pingu2209 · 09/05/2011 08:39

Did it used to be his house? Did you used to live there as a couple/family? Does he pay for any of the rent/mortgage?

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Oakmaiden · 09/05/2011 08:39

He brought a bag of washing? What are you, his MUM???

Definitely not unreasonable.

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Oakmaiden · 09/05/2011 08:41

Don't really see that that matters, Pingu. Even if it used to be his home, it isn't any more and he has no right to EXPECT to be allowed to stay without even asking. And to bring his washing with him???

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BornAgainBitch · 09/05/2011 08:43

He didnt bother attending the concert that my son was playing in on Sunday

Sorry, but what an absolute piece of shit.

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Birdsgottafly · 09/05/2011 08:45

You need to set clear bounderies and stick to them, then you are not getting caught up in arguements. If you are still friends and his washing machine is broken then that is different but you need to identify what this relationship is. You describe him as your DS's father but if you let him stay sometimes then it is unclear what this man is to you (and if he sleeps in your bed it must be very confusing for both him and your DS).

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cuteboots · 09/05/2011 08:47

Its my house and hes never lived with me. Im just more angry that he took it out on a seven year old child who had done nothing to deserve it!

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Icelollycraving · 09/05/2011 08:49

Your poor little boy :(
Yr ex is an arse. Yanbu for sure! Does he now live a long way away to need to stay?

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cuteboots · 09/05/2011 08:51

icelollycraving- he lives about 20 mins down the road but in a really awful bedsit so coming round to me was the only way I agreed he could see his son but its not working as he now thinks we come as a package...

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squeakytoy · 09/05/2011 08:51

But are you still together, and do you normally let him stay over and do things like his washing for him?

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Birdsgottafly · 09/05/2011 08:51

Also he seems to be having problems separating his relationship with his DS and how things are between you and him so you need to take the lead.

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zikes · 09/05/2011 08:53

No, yanbu. No-one gets to stay overnight unless they're invited, and exes doubly so. To bring washing as well is remarkable.

To then not attend his child's concert out of spite makes him an utter tool.

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Birdsgottafly · 09/05/2011 08:54

He may be thinking that you and him are going to became a couple. Is there a possibility that he is still in love with you? If that is the case then you have got to be honest and distance yourself from him. He needs to build a life for himself without you but with his DS in it.

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sickoftheholidays · 09/05/2011 08:55

if he brought his washing to do himself as he doesnt have facilities in the bedsit, and he has been allowed to stay before, then I can see why he might have been a bit put out, but to not go to a concert to see his son is childish and selfish. Possibly the reason he is your ex.

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clam · 09/05/2011 08:56

Well, it depends. If you sometimes/usually/always sleep with him and let him stay, then it wasn't so unreasonable for him to expect it this time. Unless there's more to it than you've said. Like having a row, for instance.

The bag of washing part? No way!

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Birdsgottafly · 09/05/2011 08:57

Why did you not let him take your son out, if his bedsit is so bad? What is it that is so bad about it that he could not even play a game there or watch a dvd with his DS.

You need to rethink the whole arrangement and agree ground rules.

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OneBadAsp · 09/05/2011 08:57

i'm going to guess you're not in a relationship with him...

what a prick. you won't do his washing/let him stay overnight, so his son is punished for it? waste of space.

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pinkthechaffinch · 09/05/2011 08:59

This is exactly the kind of thing that ds' dad used to do.

Sadly for ds when I made it clear to his dad that I would no longer be lending money, cooking, washing, providing a bed etc , he very quickly lost all interest in ds and has now not seen him for 5 years.

Lets hope your ds' dad isn't so callous and self interested OP.

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Birdsgottafly · 09/05/2011 09:00

If you are treating him as a friend then the washing part is not unreasonable. I would let a friend do washing at mine if they didn't have washing facilities. Are you sending mixed messages?

Your DS is 7 so ther must be background to this. Where was he living before, has he moved there to be close to his DS?

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fedupofnamechanging · 09/05/2011 09:00

I think he is a total wanker for not attending his son's concert.

Contact him, in writing and set out your boundaries. Tell him that he is welcome to see his child if he is prepared to be a caring and attentive parent. If he behaves badly towards the child, then he will not be allowed contact. Make it clear that he has no right to expect to stay in your house and that you won't be doing his laundry. It's rude for him to make assumptions. He is an adult and it's up to him to manage his own life as you are not his partner or parent. The only relationship you have is as co parents of your son.

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Oakmaiden · 09/05/2011 09:13

Birds - I exceot your friend would phone in advance though, and ask if you would mind them using your machine? Not just turn up and hand over a bag of dirty clothes?

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cuteboots · 09/05/2011 09:14

onebadasp- Thats a definite no!

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Birdsgottafly · 09/05/2011 09:16

Oak-we haven't had enough information to make snap judgements, as some are. The DS is 7 so as i said there must be background to this. Women can play men who are still in love with them, its not always cut and dry (not saying this is the case but i always keep an open mind).

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Oakmaiden · 09/05/2011 09:18

Birds - yes, you are right. I am assuming that he hadn't asked in advance to 1. spend the night or 2. have his washing done. Because if he had then it would be mighty strange to then get really angry about him assuming that he could.

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cuteboots · 09/05/2011 09:23

hello ladies my little boy is seven and didnt see his dad from the age of 2 as we just didnt get on an he kept letting him down. Hes been back on the scene since sept but cannot seperate me from his son and this is whats causing this issues.

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