to be really really angry
cuteboots · 09/05/2011 08:35
Had another falling out with my little boys dad on Saturday as I said I didnt want him staying at my house which meant he had to get a taxi back home. The fact he was expecting this to happen and he also turned up with a bag of washing! WTF!! He then stomped out of the house saying thats the last time you will do that to me???
Anyway we are now not talking and he didnt bother attending the concert that my son was playing in on Sunday. It was absolutely heart wrenching watching my son scan the people in the audience to see if he was there. Im rejoining the gym today to take out some of my anger as Im so angry!! Was I right to say I dont want him staying at my house?! I feel I was well within my rights and the bag of washing just sort of added fuel to the fire.
Birdsgottafly · 09/05/2011 08:45
You need to set clear bounderies and stick to them, then you are not getting caught up in arguements. If you are still friends and his washing machine is broken then that is different but you need to identify what this relationship is. You describe him as your DS's father but if you let him stay sometimes then it is unclear what this man is to you (and if he sleeps in your bed it must be very confusing for both him and your DS).
Birdsgottafly · 09/05/2011 08:54
He may be thinking that you and him are going to became a couple. Is there a possibility that he is still in love with you? If that is the case then you have got to be honest and distance yourself from him. He needs to build a life for himself without you but with his DS in it.
sickoftheholidays · 09/05/2011 08:55
if he brought his washing to do himself as he doesnt have facilities in the bedsit, and he has been allowed to stay before, then I can see why he might have been a bit put out, but to not go to a concert to see his son is childish and selfish. Possibly the reason he is your ex.
pinkthechaffinch · 09/05/2011 08:59
This is exactly the kind of thing that ds' dad used to do.
Sadly for ds when I made it clear to his dad that I would no longer be lending money, cooking, washing, providing a bed etc , he very quickly lost all interest in ds and has now not seen him for 5 years.
Lets hope your ds' dad isn't so callous and self interested OP.
Birdsgottafly · 09/05/2011 09:00
If you are treating him as a friend then the washing part is not unreasonable. I would let a friend do washing at mine if they didn't have washing facilities. Are you sending mixed messages?
Your DS is 7 so ther must be background to this. Where was he living before, has he moved there to be close to his DS?
fedupofnamechanging · 09/05/2011 09:00
I think he is a total wanker for not attending his son's concert.
Contact him, in writing and set out your boundaries. Tell him that he is welcome to see his child if he is prepared to be a caring and attentive parent. If he behaves badly towards the child, then he will not be allowed contact. Make it clear that he has no right to expect to stay in your house and that you won't be doing his laundry. It's rude for him to make assumptions. He is an adult and it's up to him to manage his own life as you are not his partner or parent. The only relationship you have is as co parents of your son.
Birdsgottafly · 09/05/2011 09:16
Oak-we haven't had enough information to make snap judgements, as some are. The DS is 7 so as i said there must be background to this. Women can play men who are still in love with them, its not always cut and dry (not saying this is the case but i always keep an open mind).
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