Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not take back toys

43 replies

workinggally · 08/05/2011 10:32

Ds is 6mth. A few times when we've been out at baby groups he's had the toy he's been playing with snatched by other children. When this has happened I've tended to just find him something else to play with.

But at one group recently toys were handed out, ds was playing then a toddler of about 18mths came from the other end of the mat, took ds's toy, went back to the other end of the mat, discarded the toy and toddled off. Obviously a power thing.

There wasn't anything else for ds to play with nearby (was just 1 toy per child). It would have I thought seemed a bit ott to go to the other end of the mat to retrieve the toy. The other child's mother did nothing.

Not sure what I should do if it happens again. ds doesn't seem that bothered (just a bit surprised) but it's a bit sad for him to be left with nothing to play with.

OP posts:
working9while5 · 08/05/2011 10:38

I would have gone to get the toy if it had been discarded. Not sure what you think would have been OTT about it? Confused

Arion · 08/05/2011 10:39

If the toy wasn't being played with I'd have gone and got it for my dc, if the child had 2 toys and mine none I would ask the child for one for my dc. If the parent had a problem with that then their lookout, they should have done something!

Btw not a "power trip" for an 18 month, they don't "get" ownership or sharing, teaching that is one of the "joy's" of parenting! Grin

Original poster
workinggally · 08/05/2011 10:40

Well I'd have left my ds on his own (unless I took him too), walked to the other end of the mat where the other child's mother was chatting and got it. Might have looked a little odd as we were sitting in a sort of circle with parents not really moving around much.

OP posts:
pinguwings · 08/05/2011 10:41

Not really sure what you're asking. Just pick up the toy.

Laughing at the thought of power crazed 18month olds...

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 08/05/2011 10:41

take a toy from home?

when the children try to snatch it, take it back. point out to the parent that it is actually not one of the playgroup's toys?

or talk to the leader and point out there aren't enough toys to go round and suggest buying some / fundraising / popping down to the charity shop?

Or since your child is 6 months old, obviously you are right there next to them (as in they are not toddling round the room) so when a little hand comes out to snatch - you are right there to also hold the toy and say "No." You can prevent the snatching.

you left a discarded toy on the mat? well, tbh, that was a bit daft. you should have gone and picked it up.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 08/05/2011 10:42

left your child on his own and walked to the other end of the mat?

Just how big IS this mat? Grin

Arion · 08/05/2011 10:42

I'd ask politely btw, "look baby Arion hasn't got a toy now, please give one back", repeat ad nauseum until toy is handed over!

worraliberty · 08/05/2011 10:43

Pmsl @ 'power thing'. Is there a whole bunch of 18 month old Mafiosa there? Grin

MerylStrop · 08/05/2011 10:43

smirk at "power thing"

why is there just one toy per child?

I would have gone and got it or caught the mother's eye and asked her to pass it back. I don't think it would have caused an incident

Arion · 08/05/2011 10:44

Hecate, as usual, puts it much better and humorously than I do! Envy

colditz · 08/05/2011 10:45

Offendor was 18 months old. Yes, this looks huge when your darling is 6 months old, but believe me, they are just more mobile. They don't have any more social skills than a six month old.

Go and get the toy next time.

piratecat · 08/05/2011 10:46

i'd go and get it back if it was discarded. nothing wrong with that

Smlo · 08/05/2011 10:46

At the age yr baby is I'd prob give baby groups a miss for a bit. Not worth feeling riled and cross at stuff like this. You are going for your enjoyment/ socialising

Go back in a year when the power craziness starts to surface in your child!

helenthemadex · 08/05/2011 10:46

I would have said something when the other child took the toy as well and got it back from him/her. The child was beinga typical toddler it was nothing to do with 'power' and they need teaching that its not nice to take a toy off another toy

helenthemadex · 08/05/2011 10:47

off another child

noblegiraffe · 08/05/2011 10:47

It is a bit sad that he has nothing to play with, so get off your arse and get him another toy.

It's a bit weird that you wouldn't.

saffy85 · 08/05/2011 10:50

God, just go and get the toy. Seriously what is the point of going to one of these groups for your baby to watch other children play with stuff while he doesn't? Confused Have you ever considered just saying no to them when they try to snatch the toy? Most toddlers understand no as it's their own favourite word.

Sugarkane · 08/05/2011 10:50

I think your over thinking it too much, just go over and get the toy, there is no power thing with an 18 month old they just dont know how to share yet. I dont understand how you couldnt leave your DS to go and get it though? Its not like you where leaving the room or anything.

Personally I would say its not much of a baby group if there are only allowed one toy each. At the one I go to they get every toy out and play with everything to burn some energy and hope that in time they learn to share.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 08/05/2011 10:50

What? Confused You left your baby with nothing to play with on principle or out of fear of leaving your child unattended for the 7 seconds it would have taken to get it? Bizarre.

SuchProspects · 08/05/2011 10:50

I don't see the problem with leaving you DC to go and get the toy, but if it is particularly inconvenient you could ask another adult who is nearer to chuck pass it. Though if our DC isn't bothered by not having a toy I'm not really clear why you'd bother. As he gets older and toys become more important deflection and distraction is the name of the game. You can always tell the toddler not to take the toy and hold on to it, but it's rarely worth it ime.

Original poster
workinggally · 08/05/2011 11:01

It was a singing group - toys were just handed out for the breaktime while the mothers had coffee and chatted. (still sitting on the mat).

OK I guess it's hard to visualise - next time I could get the toy back or maybe just have something else from home. I just thought it might look a bit ott moving to the other end of the mat past various other mothers and small children.

OP posts:
Original poster
workinggally · 08/05/2011 11:03

As to saying no when snatching occurs I'll also try that next time just wasn't sure how it'd go down with the other mother who just seem to smile beniegnly if they saw at all. If my ds does it to smaller children I do stop him and say "so and so's playing with that".

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 08/05/2011 12:35

*Not really sure what you're asking. Just pick up the toy.

Laughing at the thought of power crazed 18month olds*

I agree Grin

gkys · 08/05/2011 12:52

One toy per child ? find another playgroup, one wher the children can play.

psisedriteoff · 08/05/2011 12:54

agreed with gkys, one toy per child Confused find a new play group