A Freudian slip is when you say one thing & mean your mother

[spiderslegs]

Well it is, & now, as a mother of a daughter myself I don't want to be that joke.

How to avoid it??

Probably going to bed before 3am would be a good start

????

Why ???

I have no idea what you're trying to say/ask

and you've deserted the thread killer thread. You just swan in, win the crown and leave us to pick the pieces

Sorry, will swan back, no, if it's not one thing it's your mother.

Mothers, girls, you know - you must know.

I don't want to be the deranged mother to my dd that my mother was/is to me.

How old is your DD?

2.5

Are you struggling with outbursts?

I know a lot of people on MN are anti-UP, but I find thinking about that kind of stuff is (hopefully as DD is quite young) helping me to think about how I react (and making sure I do think or least analyse afterwards). I feel if you 'instinctively' parent then you're more likely to repeat the mistakes that were made to you.

I don't know if this helps or is even the right thing. I'm 12 hours into a 13-14 lab session so my brain is a bit fried.

Mind you, I have yet to openly shag my lover in front of her as my mother kindly did to me.

Sorry - probably TMI.

nah not at all. I have random nights where I randomly offload onto people

(normally there is alcohol involved and the friend had no idea what was coming)

Oh noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! Godammit Spiderslegs, that's just not cricket. At all. :(

No - no outbursts, am a very calm parent.

UP?

It's hard as I find when they hit certain stages you can't imagine ever doing to them what other people did. Shoves it back into your face rather unexpectedly.

Unconditional Parenting

There was a very heated AIBU on the subject just recently

What exactly has been on your mind?

Yep - Parly she did, when I was 11 & sharing a tent with her & her 'friend'.

Fuckers.

Although I should probably have got over it by now.

I figure that just being aware of the potential is enough. If you didn't have any idea of what might be or is, you'd be up shit creek. :)

I think many people will agree, you never get over it. It goes in cycles and you hope that each time it gets a bit less painful.

Oh my Lordy. :(

Just I love DD & have for many years hated my dm, I always dreaded having dds as I have never had a good mother/daughter model to look to.

Thankfully, before that she let me know she could never love me 'properly' as she didn't want me & the only reason she didn't have me aborted was that my father promised her a twin tub (when she found out she was pg with me when my dsis was 2 months old).

What about friends when you were growing up or friends you have now. Also you can think about what you did want out of your relationship with your M to help you focus on what is important to you and what you want to give you DD.

I struggled (and still do) with DH's role in our family and he's even a SAHD.

I was 10.

Spiderslegs - You should use the crap relationship you had / have with your own Mum to determine how things aren't going to go for you and your own daughter. Just try not to sweat it too much or get yourself into a God-almighty apeshit fixation with it and you'll be fine.