No more manners on public transport!

[A1980]

I know I am BU and I am still so bloody angry but in the last week I've snapped and I've had it.

3 examples in the last 2-3 weeks alone:

1. I wanted to check when my bus was coming to see if I had time to pop to the nearby corner shop first. (Buses are every 20 mins at night). Walked to the post started looking at the timetable as it is very accurate to the minute. It was after 8pm, 4 people waiting for a bus and they're empty at that time of night. An older woman behind me immediately says, if you're waiting for the bus, get behind me! I ignored her and she says louder did you hear me, if you're waiting for the bus, get behind me, I was first!

I ignored her again as I was still looking for the bus time as I was being distracted by her. Finally she taps me on the shoulder and shouts get the fuck behind me I was first. I told her I was looking for the time of the bus to see if i had time to get some milk in the shop and asked if she had a probelm with that. She said no. I then stepped closer to her and told her how dare she speak to me and swear at me in that manner. She backed down and said let me explain and I told her not to talk me again. The bus came in two minutes, she looked embarrassed sat nowhere near me and looked at the floor the entire journey. When she got off she looked at the floor as she had to pass me and I called her a rude bloody cow as she passed. Unreasonable and hypocritical of me I know but I'd just been shouted at and sworn at for nothing.

1. On the bus on my way home from work, I'm tired, eyes on the newspaper, I'm plugged into my iPod and I wouldn't notice a nuclear explosion if it went off infront of me. People get on at the next stop I don't look up, why would I. I get elbowed and nudged and finally hit in the shoulder hard with a heavy bag, I look up to see a pregnant woman I honestly hadn't noticed and she's glaring at me. "Get up and let me sit down, I'm pregnant" she says angrily. I reply "if you ask me politely then I'll gladly you my seat". She glares at me and says nothing. So I said ok then and didn't get up.

1. Another enraged passenger who takes offence to not getting a seat they feel they're entitled to. A woman who is not old (maybe late 40's) pushes people out the way to get to the front of the bus queue when she was last there, pushes her two DC's and her dog on infront of everyone and then elbows me out of the way so she can get on first just as I'm stepping onto the bus from the kerb. I lost my footing and fell over hitting my shin on the edge of the bus step. My restraint was admirable and I only restrained myself as her children were present.

I have the beginnings of arthritis in one knee and it can be painful to stand especially if you twist it standing on a moving bus. But I never say anyhting or make an issue of it.

So that's it. I've had it. I am treating people from now on with the contempt they treat me with, I'm not giving my seat up for anyone and if that's unreasonable so be it. I've had enough.

You sound as stroppy as the others in the first two!

I know..... I said I was BU!

But when I'm spoken to like that, I'm not reacting with kindness.

Reminds me of a story that makes me seethe although I wasn't there and have nothing to do with it and think I may have even read it in the paper.

Lift full, waiting to go. Woman standing outside lift, waiting to get in, holding finger on the button and holding everyone there until she'd finished her phone call.

I've not heard that one about the lift but TBH it doesn't surprise me.

I know I should not be as unreasonable as them and rise above it and not react as it's bringing myself down to their level but I've had enough! People are getting worse ad I'm finding it harder to not say anything.

Calming breaths!

We are still the politest people in the world I think. how long can we hold on to that I wonder

Of course we are

For while I think! I honestly don't care about getting on first even if I am first in the queue and getting a seat. It's a 15 minute bus ride to town, I can stand. I'm normally oblivious with my iPod or book and just keep myself to myself. If only others did the same.

All that said, I do have some nice bus friends who I know from the daily commute. I need some more fellow passengers like that.

Well if you'd been a bit politer and responded earlier situation 1 would be avoided. Situation 2 were you sat in a priority seat? If so you should have been looking out. Situation 3 is unfortunate.

I can't help thinking if you'd been less stroppy most of these situations would not have occured. I think some of your behaviour has been just as bad as that described - if not worse than some.

I was on the bus recently. I have a medical condition that affects my stomach and sometimes it's really painful to stand up for any length of time when it flares up. Anyhow... for about 25 mins of the bus journey I was standing at the front with my arms behind me holding that little section for shopping/folded up buggies. Then a seat became available so I jumped into it thinking if someone got on who clearly needed the seat I would get up again.

A few stops later an elderly lady with a walking stick got on so I happily gave her my seat despite still being in a lot of pain. Did she say anything or acknowledge me in any way? Nah, did she fuck. She didn't even smile at me. Meanwhile there's a teenager glued to her ipod or whatever it is sitting opposite. Glad to say my kids would be turfed out of their seats if I thought someone needed them more.

I can do better. I once got on a crowded bus with crutches and leg in a boot up to my knee (broken leg) and no one stood up. Someone had to hold from toppling over for a stop before anyone noticed. One other time I had to ask.

To be fair it was only twice that no one got up for me. I know I'm young but that doesn't mean I can balance on crutches on a moving bus!

Bus drivers were usually lovely though.

If, and it is an enormous IF, this life is just one of many that we experience, it does make sense to reason that there must be a purpose to it, and maybe that purpose is to develop our spirtuality grow and learn from our experiences.

In the first instance you stood your ground which is fair enough, but you didn't give the woman a chance to explain and, as you freely admit, there was no need for you to make any further remark when the unfortunate soul slunk off the bus.

If there's anything to the law of cause and effect, these 2 unnecessary actions on your part may have attracted 2 more 'lessons'. As it appears from your account that you acquitted yourself admirably on the subsequent occasions, this may signify the end of your ordeals by bus.

However, if 'instant karma's gonna get you'* there's no guarantee that you won't experience similar tribulations when travelling by train/'plane/boat.

Whenever I travel by public transport I try to keep alert as being away with the fairies can be attractive to muggers and other lowlife opportunists. To entertain myself en route I secretly study the people around me, wonder about their lives, and send them a (silent) blessing.

BTW you may find Glucosamine+Chronditin helps your knee - buy straight Glucosamine if you're allergic to shellfish.

*gospel according St John of Lennon

A1980

Hmm, I have to say I think that in situation 1 you were actually at fault. If it had been me, the first time the woman spoke to me I would've turned and said coolly, 'Excuse me, I'm just looking at the timetable' and turned away. It would've made the point that she was being a bit grabby about her space without being rude and could've avoided the whole subsequent unpleasantness.

In situ 2, I think I'd've moved for the pg woman BUT said something like, 'Please don't talk to me in that tone, I obviously hadn't seen you, and you could just ask politely, you know.' Or, if your knee was really hurting, 'I do have a disability, please ask someone else to move.'

Situ 3.... meh. You're going to get morons everywhere. I still seethe about the bloke who pushed past me off a train so fast that his little wheely suitcase ran up against my shin and cut it open. .....

Tbh I think you need anger management. In the first two situations you were bang out of line and in the third you say you only controlled yourself because there were children present.

Imagine you'd witnessed those 3 encounters, but rather than you it had been a man. Not a pretty site is it?

Anger management? No, those people were being rude, very rude.

If you were sitting in a priority seat then yes, you should've kept a look out, (to a reasonable degree, you don't need to hawk the bus doors for any elderly or obviously pregnant women of course!).

The first one I have no idea what was wrong with that woman, but she was acting out of order. A simple 'Please do not speak to me like that again' would have sufficed, but I'd be angry about the swearing in your face nonetheless.

The third one should've been more careful, and said 'excuse me' if she really wanted to get on. It's common courtesy to let those getting off the bus at a stop get off first and then get onto the bus after, however.

You're all as bad as each other.

Facing up to (rude) old ladies; "being oblivious" to the needs of others.

You sound slightly unhinged tbh.

In situation 1, you could've handled it better, but you were up against a nasty piece of work. In situation 2, you were in no way at fault. If that horribly rude woman wanted a seat, she could've asked politely. She didn't, so she didn't get one. Her own fault. As has been said many times on here, offering a seat to a woman who looks pregnant is a minefield. You handled that well. Situation 3, clearly you were not at fault for.

I know, I know! I ought to have handled it all better, especially situation 1. To clarify I wasn't entirely sure she was talking to me as there were other a couple of other people right next to her. So that's some reason why I ignored her. It wasn't until she stepped in right behind me.

With PG lady, I don't ever sit in priority seats, I sit near the back to leave the front seats free for older people etc.

I've acknowledged I didn't handle any of it all that well either so please don't give me a flaming . They were all IMO being very rude and not a week goes by when I dont get something like that. I've had 5 years of this day in, day out and I'm beginning to give it back which I don't like, I am getting a bit "unhinged" I guess.

I normally just sit at the back, out of the way and keep myself to myself but that bus ride is becoming a minefield. Three other people I know from the morning and evening commute deliberately look out for the lady who pushed me over and give her lip as she apparently pushes everyone out of the way every single time. I can't be arsed and I don't say anything to people who push to the front of the queue.

I've had situation 1, I went to look what time the next bus was when I was in town as I still had a few things to get, a man who was in the (rather large) queue for the bus piped up "Oi, there's a queue you know" to which I cooly responded "I was looking at the timetable to see when the next one is" to which he replied "oh, sorry" and looked rather sheepish. Drama avoided & he felt like a prick. Solved. I agree with others, you shouldn't have ignored her because this clearly just escalated the situation - you were both in the wrong.

Situation 2 - the woman should have asked you or another person politely. FWIW, I have given my seat up whilst pregnant to a frail elderly lady as no one else would. There are tons of incredibly rude, selfish & obnoxious morons around.

Situation 3 - you handled this pretty well, unfortunately you will always encounter rude twats people like this.

The worst one I've found is the oblivious dickheads people who get on with huge rucksacks and pretend not to notice that it's hitting you. Oh & the guy who used to get the same bus to work as me, every day he would fart for the whole 15 miles.

I detest public transport.

When I was pregnant, I was heavily reliant on buses to get everywhere and on one occaision I was 4.5 months pregnant (not that you could tell, I was still wearing size 10 non maternity clothes) and sitting in the seat just behind the priority seats. An old "lady" got on and told me I should move for her.
I looked up and told her I was pregnant and unable to give up my seat (I would've moved had there been other seats at the back.) She told me there was no way I was pregnant and told me again to move for her to sit down. I looked at her and told her I was 4.5 months pregnant, and unable to stand for the rest of the journey, and that I was sorry and sure someone else would offer her a seat (like possibly the ignorant cow sitting next to me!)
In the end, the man sat behind me offered his seat, and she declared that she couldnt believe people lie about being pregnant to keep a seat on the bus!! So, as calm as anything, I fished my scan picture out of my bag and showed it to her, pointing out the date! The look on her face was priceless, and I heard her turn to the woman sitting next to her to say "well how was I supposed to know she's pregnant?"

jeez, you sound a nightmare OP

YOu sound angry

I agree that the first situation was completely avoidable. All you had to do was to say politely that you were looking at the timetable - and I'm afraid it doesn't cut it to say that you weren't aware she was talking to you - as you said in your OP, she spoke up immediately you went to the front of the queue, so at the very least she was probably speaking to you, and even if she wasn't, if you had turned round to respond to her, you would have seen she was talking to someone else.

In situation 2, I do think you overreacted a bit, but the pregnant woman's tone was very rude, and I might well have responded the same way, if addressed like that. The only exception would be, as others have said, if you were in the priority seats, in which case it would not be unreasonable to expect you to pay a bit of attention at bus stops in case someone needed the seat.

In the third situation the woman was very rude, and I think I would have pointed out that there was a queue, and she shouldn't go round knocking people over in order to get a seat on the bus. There's no reason you couldn't have done that without losing your temper in front of her children.

People are so damn chippy these days.

Everyone taking offence, being furious, mouthing off, seething with resentment.

Try smiling, OP. You'll end up with an ulcer at this rate!

Situation 1 and 2 could have, maybe, been avoided but I feel sorry for you that you were pushed over in the last incident! I think I would have had to at least say something (non aggressively) even if there were children present!