AIBU?
to want to throttle a neighbours bratty child?
AlmightyCitrus · 06/05/2011 18:46
OK, threats of violence towards a child aren't big or clever, but AAAARGH. She is sending me batty.
Superbrat is 8. She is an only child, and she is spoilt rotten by her mother and grandparents.
She does not understand the meaning of NO.
I've heard her monumental tantrums through the walls for years. Now she is playing out with my kids and I get to see them in person, and the petty reasons behind them.
These are not normal tantrums. They are full on screaming and can go on for over an hour.
Example: A boy from up the street bought himself an ice-cream from the van. She stomped up and asked for it. He said no, she insisted, he said no, she started begging, he said no and she had a screaming fit in the street.
She's trying to get my DD who is a similar age to to something I don't want her involved with. I say no. My DD says OK then (she's not bothered anyway). Superbrat comes knocking on the door. Why can't she do it? I give valid reasons, she says she has to do it. I say no and she gives me the "arms folded dirty look". I explain that we (DD's dad and I) have made our decision and that is that. Superbrat cries, and stomps off. She spends the next 2 hours trying to convince my DD to lie to me and do it anyway.
She will walk off with other kids things because she wants them, and goes mad if the kid wants it back. She was caught stealing something (not in my house, but another neighbours) by my eldest. She denied it and ran home. Item was found in her house.
She's knocking on our door morning,noon and night. We've asked her not to call before a certain time, but she can apparently do what she likes. (I am V. pregnant, and am quite partial to a weekend lie in. I don't like being woken at 7). She knows we are in and won't stop knocking til someone answers.
Her mum can't see a problem. She thinks her daughter is "spirited" and "full of life". I think she is just happy to get a break from her.
Her grandparents indulge her every whim
So, come on then wise people. How do you cope with someone else's child who has no respect or understanding? And, AIBU to want to throttle her?
(oh this is quite long, sorry but I could write pages about it)
bumpybecky · 06/05/2011 18:54
YANBU to want to throttle her, YwouldBU to actually do it though!
I wouldn't let her in the house and wouldn't let toys be played win outside in case she takes a liking to anything of ours.
When she does the repeated knocking what do you say to her? are you polite or do you tell her off?
Goodynuff · 06/05/2011 18:59
We went through something like this a few years ago, and you have my sympathy.
I would have a straight forward talk with the mother. Explain to her that you are not going to be answering to the door before x-o'clock. If the girl comes and knocks, ignore it. I know how hard that is, as she will wake the house, but after a bit she will get the message.
I really don't understand parents who let their kids act like this.
animula · 06/05/2011 19:04
Have nothing to add (sensible suggestions from other posters) but a. your daughter sounds unimpressed b. look on the bright side - she makes your children look good and lastly c. Have you resorted to calling her "Sharpay" [sic] yet?
Mind you, my dd alarmed me a great deal when she told me that "Sharpay" was her favourite character (and the heroine) of HSM.
AlmightyCitrus · 06/05/2011 19:05
Well, for the early morning door knocking she is usually met by my snarling DH who tells her off. We have tried polite and rude. She can't seem to take "Not now. DD2 is having her tea, she will call for you when she has finished" as an answer. But I want to talk to her now.
I don't let her in now. Last time she was in here I was on the computer and she stood behind me singing "Your babys going to die-ie, your babys going to die-ie" over and over again. My friend was here and we just looked at each other [shocked].
I did mention it to mum who laughed and said she was just messing about.
onceamai · 06/05/2011 19:11
Sounds to me as though she has significant real behavioural issues and the parents can't or won't deal with it. If she's a neighbour presumably she goes to a local school. Do other parents have a view about her. If she's up and out and unsupervised at 7am, is she actually properly looked after at all?
FreudianSlipOnACrown · 06/05/2011 19:16
Aaah neighbours kids eh?
I was getting really annoyed with our neighbour's 7yo, who keeps staring in the window! He's lonely though and is actually quite sweet. DD plays out with him a lot now, although as she's only 3 I think the novelty has worn off and actually he seems to prefer my company - he doesn't seem to get any adult attention at home. He plays out and his mum just sits inside, and his dad ignores him :(
I'm torn, I feel really sorry for him but sometimes I feel like I'm parenting an extra child! I gave him a book recently (my mum is a librarian so we are swimming in 2nd hand ones at home) and he was over the moon and sat outside reading to me.
Sorry I've digressed somewhat. This girl does sound like a brat - but it doesn't sound like she's got very interested parents.
HooverTheHamaBeads · 06/05/2011 19:16
You have my sympathies, this is not a good situation.
I'd be very strict with her, don't even allow her to draw you into a discussion or debate on any issue, don't give reasons for your decision, just say NO and leave it at that. I'd ignore the door knocking competely (if possible).
What a very rude child.
Journey · 06/05/2011 19:17
Why do you let your DD play with her? I wouldn't allow it. I definately wouldn't let her in my house.
It might be worth remembering that your DD probably knows she isn't nice so you're probably giving her mixed messages - she's isn't a nice girl but mummy lets me play with her.
If she knocked on my door at 7am I would be furious. Her parents must have issues to think this is okay.
bigTillyMint · 06/05/2011 19:20
Oh dear, it sounds like she has some major issues.
If you are not too worried about the possibility of falling out with her mum, you need to grow some and tell her firmly that you don't want her DD calling before / after x time, etc, and warn her that if she does, you will send her away with a large flea in her ear
Goblinchild · 06/05/2011 19:21
I'd be firm, turn her away in no uncertain terms, but politely.
'She thinks her daughter is "spirited" and "full of life"'
I've blotted out how many times I've been told that by the parent of a PITA with no manners and an ego the size of Everest and just as indestructible.
If she loves her daughter like that and wouldn't change a thing, that's great but I wouldn't feel under any pressure to have her closer than a bargepole's reach and certainly not socialising with my family if avoidable.
Imagine what she will be like at 15.
NettoSuperstar · 06/05/2011 19:24
I feel sorry for the child, not because you don't like her, but because her mother doesn't seem to notice, or care, and that's sad.
Really though, with the child, I'd tell her to go away, or just do this 
and shut the door.
If it continues, go to the Mum and say that she's not welcome.
AlmightyCitrus · 06/05/2011 19:26
worraliberty - without keeping my shut in the house I can't really stop them playing together. There's a few kids on this street (and the next on) and a small open area at the back so there is always someone out, or knocking on the door for my DC's to play out.
Superbrat is very fond of my DD2, and my DD2 is very sweet natured. The sort who sees the best in everyone and hates to upset others. (Not traits she gets from me) DS steers well clear of her and DD1 does her best to keep away, while keeping a big sisterly eye on DD2 so she doesn't get taken advantage of.
onceamai - for some reason she goes to an out of town school. No idea why. There are 2 primarys within spitting distance, and another 4 in immediate area.
She said some kids pick on her at school, but given her behaviour I'm not surprised. I don't think she'd last a week at my kids slightly rougherprimary.
She's not exactly out and about at 7am, she only comes here. Her mum has only just started letting her out alone, and she's only allowed to go to the shop round the corner with my DD's or another older child
Nanny0gg · 06/05/2011 19:28
Can you not do the Teacher Death Glare?
Because after that remark about your baby she would have had that from me, and then been marched very firmly home, with her mother being told in no uncertain terms that she was appalling and was no longer to be allowed to play with your DD.
When she came around the next time (even at 7am) the same would happen until the message was received.
strandedbear · 06/05/2011 19:29
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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