WWYD Regarding visiting ex?

[TheLadyEvenstar]

DS1's father and I split almost 11yrs ago.
he has never mantained regular contact and after an incident during the last visit 3yrs ago I said no more.

Last week we were texting regarding him paying for DS1 and agreed to £60 pm plus him helping with uniform and shoes.

Today I got a text which read

"I would like DS in my life again but am worried you may stop it again. I can't be hurt"

I replied "Fine but you MUST listen to what I say about him before you half heartedly embark on visits as he needs routine and consistency"

My next step is to arrange to meet him and explain about the AS and other issues DS1 has.

Am I doing the right thing?

Apple - I shall list some of the major things he has done just for your benefit.

DS

18m old - punched him in the head - not intentional he was punching me.

3yrs old - he pushed him out of the car at lights after driving off with him I had been out with them both getting DS1's first uniform.

4yrs old - Shouted at him because he was crying while he had his finger lanced.

5yrs old - told him he didn't want to have dinner with him because he was leaving to take his other child out.

7yrs old - DS1's birthday told him "I can't see you anymore, its not you its me for me to move on I need to forget you"

Oh and not forgetting last year when he lied and said he was going to Ireland to live and asked me to go with him with DS2 but to leave DS1 with DP -so he and I could start afresh.

There are many other instances I could list but these are the most prominent to me.

He has no fucking rights to MY son, if I decide to allow him to see him again then trust me it is going to be out of MY kindness to my son not to do him any favours.

OK, I think the best option all round here would be to arrange for visits in your presence, so you can keep an eye on your son and your knobhead ex. If you were to deny him access though, he could go to the courts and force you to hand over your son for access visits. There are literally cases of dads who have been to prison for stabbing/raping their exes and they still get supervised access after they are released, so please don't think you can stop him from seeing your son if he really wants to. Did he get prosecuted for the violence which took place in your relationship?

Just read this on the Guardian about the dangers of violent fathers gaining access, might be worth a look if he presses the issue for sole visits (without you). www.guardian.co.uk/society/2011/feb/03/domestic-violence-children-danger-fathers

Apple, He has not wanted to see DS ever, unless he is single as soon as he gets a g'f he dumps him. Hence why I had to put my foot down.

He will never fight to see him, I even when I was at my lowest and prior to DS's dx of AS said to him well you have him for a few weeks see if he is happier with you - his answer? I dont want him living with me.

DS wants me there when the visits take place I can't see how this is going to work as ex doesn't understand what AS is and how important it is for things to be on DS's terms,