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To expect thanks for wedding cash?

37 replies

spatchcock · 06/05/2011 07:54

The bride and groom at the last two weddings DP and I have been to have requested cash presents - the first for their dream home, the second for their honeymoon. (Both of which I would quite like too, but that's by the by!)

Anyway, we have gifted cash on both occasions and have been happy to do so. On neither occasion did we receive any thanks for acknowledgment. The first time I got DP (whose BIL was the groom) to confirm they had received the payment. They said they had and said thank you.

Still haven't heard from the most recent recipients (wedding was 14 April, followed by a week's honeymoon. Bride and groom have been back at work for a couple of weeks). I would like to email the groom just to check the money (which I deposited a few days after the wedding) has been received. Is it too early to do so?

And is it unreasonable to expect a thank you for cash gifts or are they such a given now that they are simply factored onto the 'credit' column of a wedding spreadsheet without comment? I'm not expecting gushing thanks or even a card, by the way, just a 'received your cash, thank you' note to show it's gone through.

OP posts:

PinkIsMyFavouriteCrayon · 06/05/2011 07:56

Don't hold your breath, I'm still waiting for a thank you for the £50 I gave as a wedding present last July. I don't need a fancy card, a personalised text would have done!
Very rude IMO


spatchcock · 06/05/2011 08:07

I thought it quite rude. And without waiting for any further replies on this thread I have emailed the groom! I was very nice but maybe it will shame him into sending out a few thank yous ...

OP posts:

bubblecoral · 06/05/2011 08:13

You should definately expect a thankyou, it's just rude not to. But then these are people that asked for money!

On the other hand, I think you could resonably have given them a couple more weeks for the latest wedding without being offended.

I wrote personal thankyous for every gift we recieved for our wedding, which I suppose would take longer than thanks for cash, but I certainly didn't get every single one done within two weeks of getting back from honeymoon.


ElsieR · 06/05/2011 08:14

Well, if they had many guests maybe it's taking them quite sometime to send out the cards. Some thank you cards I received like 3 months after.
When we got married, embarrassingly, I know of at least one card that never made it to the recipient, and I know for sure I wrote it! It has happened on many occasions that Royal Mail has been unreliable. That's for the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, it is pretty rude.


onceamai · 06/05/2011 08:22

IMO the sort of people who ask for cash are the sort of people with very few manners in the first place. I remember getting back from honeymoon, unpacking and sitting down to the write the thank you letters. Started at about 8pm and finished at about 3am. They were in the post the day we were officially home.


bronze · 06/05/2011 08:25

I would give the second lot a chance. Even if they have been back at work they may be extra busy trying to catch up. I too have recieved thank yous up to 6 months after.

Even worse half of the ones I sent out didn't make it to the people. I didn't find out til a couple of years later which I still cringe about because I wonder how rude those people think I am. And am pissed off cos they took me ages to write while suffering morning sickness


ElsieR · 06/05/2011 08:29

We asked for cash for our honeymoon. I can understand why people don't like it but really could not see the point of having another set of cutlery or bedlinens when I had been living with DP for many years and we had all we needed. And we lived in a small house that could not possibly take in anymore stuff.
Thanks to our guests we had a fantastic honeymoon. We wrote quite a bit on each thank you card so they took quite some time to produce. However, they were treated as high priority when we got back from honeymoon.


porcamiseria · 06/05/2011 08:35

its well rude, ask if they received it and shame them into a thanking you


sparkle12mar08 · 06/05/2011 08:36

Give them a little bit longer. It took us nearly 9 weeks to get all the thank you cards out for our wedding, including a three week honeymoon. If however you don't recieve anything by say the end of June, I'd have no hesitation in calling them up and asking about it. I can't abide rudeness like this.


Lawm01 · 06/05/2011 08:45

Agree its rude not to thank.
Cash is a gift like any other, and I wouldn't dream of not thanking someone for their generosity.
However, I think its a bit soon to be 'off' with the second newlyweds. There could be any number of reasons why the delay. Maybe they haven't had a bank statement yet (and don't bank online), they're getting special thank you cards printed with wedding photo, they're writing a long and personal message on each card, they can only afford second hand stamps etc etc
They've only been married 3 weeks, give them a chance. say til mid June?


moomaa · 06/05/2011 08:50

My sister got married early last summer, she mentioned that she would be busy this Easter holiday doing the thankyou cards!! I did ask if there was much point now and she said it would be rude not to (we need a head hitting wall icon).


grottielottie · 06/05/2011 08:52

I agree that it's incredibly rude when people don't send thanks, but think you should give them a few more weeks, it took us about 6 weeks to send out our hand made and written cards as I wanted to put a bit of effort into them.


Bogeyface · 06/05/2011 08:57

Lawm01, do you mean second CLASS stamps? Second hand wouldnt get very far :o

I agree that it is rude, but I would give them another month or so before getting annoyed. At our wedding we made a point of speaking to everyone or ringing them if they gave us a gift and said that we were doing that as we werent sending out postal thank yous, we would rather thank them in person. We still heard that a couple of people were snotty about it, even though we had spoken to them and explained why we were doing it that way!


MollysChamber · 06/05/2011 09:04

I deposited £60 into my cousins "honeymoon" account with a travel agent. No acknowledgement whatsoever and still wonder a year later if they received it / are aware that we gifted it.
My parents got a lovely thank you card for their gift Hmm


ENormaSnob · 06/05/2011 09:15

I gave cash last April and am still awaiting a thanks.

The cheque cleared a few days after the wedding so I know they got it Hmm


HappyMummyOfOne · 06/05/2011 09:48

Rude not to thank although agree with onceamai, bad manners to ask for cash in the first place so thank you notes are unlikely to follow.


LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/05/2011 10:05

It's very rude not to thank somebody for a gift, end of story really. :(


spatchcock · 06/05/2011 10:09

Well after reading this I wish I hadn't been so hasty but it's too late, I already emailed the groom of the second couple. But I was nice about it, just asked him to check if it had gone through at the end of an email inviting him to my birthday. There is sometimes bank error and after a few months it may not be possible to get the money back if there is a problem.

The first couple married last July, no excuses there!

I don't really mind the cash gift. What I hate is being asked to pick from a pricey wedding list when the couple in question are both high flying lawyers with salaries I could only dream of because they 'quite fancy some new stuff' for their expensive house. Which they have been living in together for six years. Two years later half the stuff was in storage because they hadn't got around to sorting it out. Charming.

OP posts:

MotherMucca · 06/05/2011 10:12

What did you say in your email, spatch?



MotherMucca · 06/05/2011 10:13

Ah, x-post.


Riddzy · 06/05/2011 10:15

I also hate the wedding list. I once went to a wedding where the list was at a very expensive department store. The cheapest thing was a set of teaspoons for about £40. It felt really daft buying spoons for an old friend so I went daringly off course and bought something off list. The bride at least had the good grace to not say anything and even thanked me.


SoftKittyWarmKitty · 06/05/2011 10:25

I gave a cheque to a close friend a year ago for their wedding and never received a thank you note or even text. It was definitely cashed as it sent me overdrawn at the time Sad. No thank you for their DC's birthday presents either after their birthdays.

On the other hand I was invited to the church part only of the wedding of my colleague's daughter a few years ago, and although I'd only met the daughter a couple of times I put £10 in a card for them. Not long after their honeymoon, I received a lovely personal thank you card with some pics of them on honeymoon. No excuse for rudeness imo. Weddings are expensive to attend and people who give gifts should always be thanked.


SoftKittyWarmKitty · 06/05/2011 10:27

Just need to clarify, obviously it wasn't the couple's fault I went overdrawn when they paid the cheque in, just that that's why I remember it was cashed.


Flippingebay · 06/05/2011 10:31

Thank you cards seem to be out of fashion at the moment. I'd always write to someome to thank them for a wedding gift, or if my DD gets a gift.

Maybe it's my age group and not the done thing these days.

Rude imo


spatchcock · 06/05/2011 10:35

Weddings are expensive to attend and people who give gifts should always be thanked.

Yes I agree, Softkitty. Weddings are expensive to put on so maybe a lot of brides and grooms forget that after paying for babysitters, travel, hotel, drinks etc it becomes very expensive for guests to attend. Especially when you get those summers where all you seem to be doing is travelling around the country attending weddings.

OP posts:
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