To expect thanks for wedding cash?

[spatchcock]

The bride and groom at the last two weddings DP and I have been to have requested cash presents - the first for their dream home, the second for their honeymoon. (Both of which I would quite like too, but that's by the by!)

Anyway, we have gifted cash on both occasions and have been happy to do so. On neither occasion did we receive any thanks for acknowledgment. The first time I got DP (whose BIL was the groom) to confirm they had received the payment. They said they had and said thank you.

Still haven't heard from the most recent recipients (wedding was 14 April, followed by a week's honeymoon. Bride and groom have been back at work for a couple of weeks). I would like to email the groom just to check the money (which I deposited a few days after the wedding) has been received. Is it too early to do so?

And is it unreasonable to expect a thank you for cash gifts or are they such a given now that they are simply factored onto the 'credit' column of a wedding spreadsheet without comment? I'm not expecting gushing thanks or even a card, by the way, just a 'received your cash, thank you' note to show it's gone through.

I'd agree with not very long. 14th April. If they went for a week honeymoon then they'd be back on 21st/22nd and they could have over a hundred cards to do in less than a fortnight including posting and they're back at work too.
We hand wrote all our thank you cards, doing about 4 each a night so it didn't become too much of a task and we could make the letters individual. Took us about 3 weeks, but we chose to post them all together so people would have got the cards about 6 weeks after the wedding.

YANBU - same for us - last 3 weddings we have been to have been cash presents requested, sometimes with no specific purpose, which I'm not a fan of.

Not one of them has sent a thank you card. For one of the weddings, there weren't even invitations - it was an email/text/word of mouth job! Talk about confusion - people didn't know which part they were invited for, what time to arrive, where to go, what to wear, what to give. The bride and groom must have been demented with people calling/texting constantly to get clarification.

When it comes to new baby stuff/birthday presents we have bought for kids, we have been lucky to get a text/FB wall post from the same circle of friends. Grump.

Wealthy friends have asked for contributions to a "fund" at a department store so they can replace things as and when. Others have just asked for charity donations to organisations that mean something to their families (and have sent thank you cards for that as well) as they have been together years.

At the other end of the spectrum, MIL seems to think that it's necessary to thank me for sending a thank you card, sometimes with another card(!)...

SisterCarrie - love the thank you for the thank you card!

I'm having my PFB soon and will be sending out thank yous, even if it means writing them instead of attending to my personal hygiene or mental health!

I haven't been to any weddings recently but when it comes to thanking people for gifts for the kids I send them a picture of the gift being used/worn/played with. I also get the kids to write a note. Always goes down well.

OK, just got a lovely email from the groom saying they are in the process of writing thank you cards. He also thanked me for the very generous cash gift (which was a lovely thing to say because I wasn't exactly Rockerfeller).

Feel very embarrassed now . That will teach me for being so impatient and hasty.

I refused to make a list or request anything in particular when we got married - people came and some did/some didn't bring gifts of cash, nice plonk, time and skills (lil bro did the photos, his girlfriend did the cake etc).

I was soooooo worried about upsetting people by not sending thank you cards I think I had them in the post the week after the wedding! Wrote them all out by hand (hubby managed to dodge that by having appalling handwriting), with just a general what we'd done with the money summary (had gone toward furniture for our new house) and how glad we were to see everyone who'd made our day special.

Have on the other hand recieved thank you cards up to 6 months later from other people, or none at all.

I would give people up to 3 months to write thank yous. I am disorganised and hate writing the darned things so it takes me a long time, but they do get done in the end as to not send them is rude, particularly for weddings.

I do give people leeway for birthday gifts and baby presents, as you never know what their personal circumstances are. I was on dreadful medication a couple of years ago that made me very depressed and I'm not sure if christmas cards or thank you cards for christmas gifts made it out that year or not I simply can't remember, but those who are close to me would know why and if they chose to hold it against me then I feel it reflects more on them than on me.

However for a wedding then there is also the husband to ensure that they get out.

spatchcock, my mother stood over me with arms folded and made me write my thank you cards less than a month after DS was born. I was on antibiotics for a nasty case of mastitis, had about 2 hours sleep a night. But I'm glad she did as it got them out of the way. I did the pic of DS postcard size ones and my handwriting got bigger and BIGGER as I went through the list (again, which she had made me keep from the first hazy days of his life when the house was a conveyor belt of visitors).

How is asking for cash/vouchers different from asking from something from a wedding list?

YANBU to expect a thank you. I wrote my thank you cards the minute we were back from honeymoon.

It's not considered rude to ask for cash as long as it's done by word of mouth, it's far ruder to include a wedding list with the invitation, it's an expectation of a gift rather than politely saying you have all you need for your home but donations towards a homneymoon/whatever would be gratefully recieved. Actual gift or donation - both cost money, in fact it's EASIER to put the cash into a card than it is to go buying specific items from a list.

Friends of mine married last year and I was a bridesmaid, it was an out of town wedding and tbh cost us an absolute fortune, literally hundreds of pounds. His mother sat at the top table opening the cards to give to the best man and was tipping the money in them into an envelope. We'd actually been pretty generous with what we gave yet others simply (and fair enough) said they'd only put X amount in as the fact they travelled, paid for the hotel etc...meant they couldn't really afford to be as generous as they normally would have. Basically I could have out a fiver in a card and they'd have been none the wiser because no note was made of who'd given what. I don't know if that bothered me or not, whether it was unreasonable of me to feel that way or not.

No thankyou either. But hey ho.

Um I think I may get flamed, but it took me 6 months to write my thank yous. We had a British wedding and Danish blessing. The British side was wonderful. The danish side was huge and really stressful and I was really overwhelmed. Also we had to wait 4 weeks for the thank you cards to be printed as tradition in Dk is to use a pic of the bride and groom. For that number of cards it was cheaper and easier to get them printed. After the wedding I was depressed and just couldn't face writing the cards until the evenings got lighter. I wasn't being rude, I knew I had to do them, I wanted to thank people, but it was just a mammoth task that I couldn't face.