to think going it alone isn't a bad decision?

[JazzAnnNonMouse]

My dearest best friend is having a dillema at the moment and I don't think me being pregnant is helping!
When she was younger she had a terrible battle with Cancer and is thankfully fully recovered. 8 years later she's been discharged from hospital BUT they've told her that her chances of concieving are very unlikely because of the chemotherapy.
She's desperate for children and has been told that her chances of concieving will be better the younger she is. The problem is that she doesn't have a stable partner and no one to actually concieve with (unless she went sperm donor or random stranger route...)
I'm trying to let her see that things aren't all doom and gloom forever for her and that there are options available. She seems quite stuck on finding the right man first being her only option available which obviously is the ideal for her but if she wants children so badly (and she really does!) is the ideal the only thing she should be looking for?
your thoughts on her going alone which she's contemplating/any other option would be greatly appreciated
(she can't freeze eggs for later use - can before chemo but not after apparently)

I think I'm right in saying though that they've given her the normal chance of getting cancer as everyone else.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend :(

Hi I'm a dad of 11 children (10 boys 1 girl ) 7 of which have moved out into the big wide world and are standing well on thier own 2 feet. I have 4 younger children 8 , 9 , 11 , 13 that still live at home with me and it was the best thing that ever happened when the mother left to move to the otherside of the country, my children have everything they could need since they have been with me. When I was going out to work she was borrowing money left right and centre off anyone who would lend her it so as u can gather we basically had nothing to show for me going to work. But since the mother of the 4 children living at home left (7 an a half yrs ago) they all have mobile phones , a laptop each , tv's each (bedroom's) new clothes when ever needed. All my children do after school activities eg reading clubs , both the 11 and 13 yr olds play football for the school , rugby , tennis , cricket they all have amassed between them aprox 76 medals and trophies for thier sports. These are things that she never did with them.
Ok now this is my point after all that my children have never been so happy it was the only worthwhile thing she did for the children (left home).
Some single parent families can be just as a loving settled home/family as couples with a family mine is. She should go with her instincts on which way she wants to go and just go for it (single or with a partner) and good luck to her which ever way she does it.
Errrr I think i went on to much sorry ppl

well you sounds quite amazing!

Of course, what your friend could also consider is having a child with a male friend who wants to be a father. People who are friends can make excellent co-parents.

I've never heard of friends becoming 'co-parents' with each other before!

However, thinking about it, it could be a good idea!

I understand the feeling of wanting a child, the maternal instinct previously was almost too much to bear sometimes.

If she is in a position to care, love and provide for her children, then she should from there think about what is best for her and her possible children.

Perhaps she could freeze her eggs? I have no idea what to suggest, but finding the right partner whether it be a man or a woman is just a matter of time and going with the flow.

I did suggest egg freezing but apparently they can do this before Chemo but not after? (this is what she's been told) and as she was only about 11/12 when they began chemo-ing her, no one thought to mention this... :(

Has your friend considered adoption or fostering? It may be that her eggs don't work or she hasn't got any anyway.

I think she would consider that but would prefer her own if possible.

I think she is sensible to be focussing on finding a relationship first.
I think if she goes down the 'donor' route she will be setting up a very hard road for herself. If I had had her medical history, and had sole charge and responsibility for a child I would be constantly terrified of getting cancer again and leaving that child an orphan. Yes, her chances of getting it again may be statistically the same as anyone elses but I personally would be rather unreassured and tormented really, but then that's just me perhaps.

It's very nice to think of being a mum and having kids but once they're here you think of life from THEIR point of view rather than as a need you have that needs fulfilling.

Also I think doing it alone is a HUGE ask for anyone and if she is at all conflicted about wishing she had a partner she will be finding it even harder. I'm sure it's still bloody hard if you have kicked out the worse bastard in the world and are happier alone, or if you are a complete loner and would rather gnaw your own limbs off than live with a partner - but if it's not really your choice, it could lead to lots of angst I think.

plus if she does really want a life partner, it will be SO much harder if she has her baby first. I don't know many single mums who have the freedom, or funds, to go out places to meet people. I have a couple of friends whose ex partners have the children at weekends etc and yes they do get time alone, but this wouldn't be her situation would it?