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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to attend the count, when I am a candidate even if I am a nursing mother still?

83 replies

weirdbird · 05/05/2011 17:48

Basically as the subject says, bf mother with 7mth old baby, still not that keen on food, I am a candidate in todays local elections and have been told at the last min that the council do not consider it "appropriate" for me to attend with baby at the count tomorrow and he is not allowed entrance.
This means that I cannot attend as he won't take a bottle.

I understand it is not a place for children but this just seems ridiculas, they are only sat around counting the votes, but it means I can't be there to find out if I have gotten in!

It is a noisy room anyway with 100's of people talking, so its not like he is going to disturb the peace (and I would remove him if he made too much noise, but at 7mths he just likes looking around and gurgling away)

Am I being un-reasonable or is the councils Electoral Services manager.

OP posts:
Rhinestone · 05/05/2011 19:37

I would ask to see a copy of the council's Equality and Diversity policy. I would also be reminding them that it is illegal to discriminate against breastfeeding mothers.

Original poster
weirdbird · 05/05/2011 19:38

It should be finished by 3, so had planned to leave as the school is 5min walk away. There are plenty of mums who would take the other 2 for me if needed at the last min.

Don't have a childminder for before/after as I am on maternity leave still, I was made redundant while pregnant but I worked from home when I was employed so I was able to do all the drop offs/pick ups

I have a sling and a pushchair, he is most happy with lots of people to watch, so would have actually enjoyed it, the other 2 where active by now but he is happiest being held, in fact I am having to work on him not being held....

There are lots of people all hanging around at the count, if needs be we would have gone for a wander around the leisure centre.

OP posts:
lynehamrose · 05/05/2011 19:41

They aren't discriminating if they provide an appropriate place for her to breasted, and expect her to have appropriate arrangements in place the rest of the time (Which is most of the day tbh)

I am surprised the op didn't work on this basis too- it seems strange to assume she can have her child around all day simply because he may need 'breastfeeding for the minority of the time. Some mothers bf until their child is 3, 4 years or older- but this doesn't mean they can just be allowed in anywhere on the basis that at certain times they will feed

LeninGrad · 05/05/2011 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lynehamrose · 05/05/2011 19:44

It's not knots - really! Totally reasonable that an appropriate place is made available for nursing- but that doesn't mean children need to be allowed in all day

AyeRobot · 05/05/2011 19:44

It's an election count, not a session of the UN Security council, ffs.

Take the baby.

And good luck - let us know how you get on.

ChateauRouge · 05/05/2011 19:47

am I being thick? What are you going to do with him if you win? You can't take hhim to meetings I'm guessing.

Lenin- I wouldn't take a baby to work. Or to a piss-up....

OhYouBadBadKitten · 05/05/2011 19:50

Counts I have been to, there is a central area where only candidates, agents and counting agents (forgot their proper title!) can go in, then on the other side of the rope anyone can go. If that is the set up then it isnt an issue. If it isnt the set up then just take the baby and go. If baby is denied entry then ask a colleague to go and let the press know.

NormanTebbit · 05/05/2011 19:53

Take him!!!

As to what you will do ifyou are elected - that's your business and I am sure you are capable of organising yourself.

Well done fir standing!

fluffles · 05/05/2011 20:02

can i suggest that if you win this thing you're going to have to deal with far more tricky situations than this.

do your research into the legalities, make a decision, grow a backbone, justify and stick to it.

lynehamrose · 05/05/2011 20:15

Thats a bit harsh fluffles. I don't think the op is being weak about it- but I agree she needs to find out where she stands and then act accordingly. I would suspect the rules for that particular ward are, only specified people present, and that if she pushes the bf aspect, they'll provide an appropriate place and facilities to feed or express but will expect childcare in place for the rest of the day. That seems eminently fair and reasonable. They Are not preventing a bf mother attending any more than they are preventing any mum or dad attending- they just expect care to be in place for children. Check what the situation is op. If you have only just asked to take a child along, it's not their fault that they've only just responded.

mamas12 · 05/05/2011 20:26

Take him fgs. Stand up for yourself.
There was an MP who actually bf in the House of Commons not so long ago (I can't remember her name though)
Op you have thought of everything except this persons predjudices so you need to deal with that.

Good luck with the count btw

FabbyChic · 05/05/2011 20:28

What would you all be saying if she said it was a toddler? a 7 year old?

The fact of the matter is children are probably not allowed, just like you wouldn't take a child to work.

Would you take your children to a job interview? No you wouldnt.

lynehamrose · 05/05/2011 20:33

Op- if they do not actually provide you with somewhere to feed or express, then I am absolutely of the opinion that you should name and shame publicly on here tomorrow- tell us Which ward.
But tread carefully! I am thinking this sounds more like a childcare than bf issue, and if they are happy for you to bf but not for you to bring a child all day, then they are no doubt perfectly within your rights and it could backfire and leave you with egg on your face if you kick up a fuss without getting your facts straight.
And fgs get the poor child drinking from a cup- I am already feeling sorry for the dad who May be trying to settle a thirsty baby if you win this!

lynehamrose · 05/05/2011 20:34

Within THEIR rights that should be

NormanTebbit · 05/05/2011 20:41

Fabby - the point is it's a baby! I took DD1 into work when she was 3 months fir a quick meeting and then fed her in a side room.

My mum used to put me in the school nursery when I was just a toddler so she could teach in the upper school.

lynehamrose · 05/05/2011 20:47

But no one is preventing her from feeding her baby! I expect they will be more than happy to provide Suitable facilities - that's not the Same as being happy to have a child around all day!

DrNortherner · 05/05/2011 20:50

My late Dad was a local Councillor and I remember being at the count when he was elected, I was about 14 then....went to many more after that. TYhey are busy, noisy places, so I say go and take your baby.

Good luck Smile

NellieForbush · 05/05/2011 20:58

For all those who aren't clear: The baby is only 7 months and doesn't eat much solids or take a bottle. VERY soon, he will and everything will be different. Just for this short time it is much better for the baby to stay with his Mum at no inconvenience to anyone else. She's not taking a toddler or a 7 year old because it wouldn't be an issue to make alternative arrangements for them. Have you all forgotten what its like to have a baby?

'not appropriate' wtf does that mean? Sounds like bullshit speak from a small minded official. Doubt it is the official policy.

Take your baby.

fartingfran · 05/05/2011 21:06

Take him. What's inappropriate? It's not like you're asking if you can go naked with a swastika branded on your arse, is it?

lynehamrose · 05/05/2011 21:11

Yes.... but the point is, some people on here have been encouraging the OP to go public and name and shame etc, and she needs to be really careful to get her facts straight. I would ask the OP the following questions:

As a candidate, have you had equal access along with the other candidates, to the regulations governing the count?
Do the regulations state that only candidates and officials can be present for the count?
Did you contact the electoral services manager quite late in the day to then ask if you could bring your child? (If so, it's understandable that they have only just replied)
Have you asked, specifically, for facilities to be made available to you to bf if necessary, with the child being brought to you?

If they are actually discriminating against you, then as I said, please name and shame tomorrow, and they will deserve the flak!

But my advice was to tread carefully, because if this is actually about you not organising childcare rather than them not allowing you to attend as a bf mother, then you will end up looking ridiculous. The likelihood is, every other candidate standing will be a parent, and I personally don't think this sounds like discrimination, but will be happy to see the ward named on here tomorrow if it is.

Original poster
weirdbird · 05/05/2011 21:49

The thing is, where I am man this would not be an issue as they don't breastfeed, its not about childcare because I would not put him into childcare at present because I am still breastfeeding.

OP posts:
Original poster
weirdbird · 05/05/2011 21:56

were not where, will go to bed and stop stressing

OP posts:
lynehamrose · 05/05/2011 21:56

But childcare does not preclude bf, that's the point!

eg an employer has to by law provide you with somewhere to express and store milk, or to bf if you have your baby brought to you. That doesn't mean you have the right to have your child in work with you all day!

If you choose not to use childcare, rather than arranging childcare where the child is brought to you for feeding, then it is a choice, not something forced on you IYSWIM

Original poster
weirdbird · 06/05/2011 13:00

But they are not my employer nor am I being paid.

This is a one off event not a full time job

Making this similar to a work scenario is a red hering as they are not similar at all.
The rights you have with an employer are very different to those elsewhere.
Also if I was on maternity leave and my work asked me to attend a meeting, then I would still say that I could attend but would need to bring the baby with me. Which is the scenario that most closely resembles this one.

I am waiting to hear still at home, I did not go, as I am not up to a fight with idiots at present (baby was very ill over Easter and I am still exhausted from the lack of sleep), and I choose to use my energy on things that are my top priority which today is not this, but I will be engaging with the equality officer at the council to point out that this was discrimination, citing the equality act of 2010 and asking that they educate there electoral services manager in the change of law.

OP posts: