ds2 aged 3 came back from an afternoon with pil with a fruit shoots and a bag of sweets

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and I didnt go ballistic or read the riot act or ban them from looking after him again etc. I cant quite belive my reaction tbh. I dont buy him fruit shoots or sweets myself. But today it all seemed ok. If they had done this when my pfb was 3 I would have gone mad and probably all the above. I would certainly have done a very different aibu. Infact I have in the past. Whats happened to change me so much? Is my wonderful ds2 now officially a nsc and will he now grow up to have bad teeth and adhd?

When I am a grandparent I am not going to be controlled by my DCs. I didn't over control them so it simply isn't fair!!!
I'm certainly not going to ask, like the earlier poster, what I am 'allowed' to feed them as if they are zoo animals!
I will assume that my DCs know that I am a responsible adult-with 3 healthy DCs who have never been overweight and have wonderful teeth!.

Yes the 'new' ones are better - but they aren't the ones most places stock.

Supermoo - I would assume that it was a refilled bottle if I saw you and even noticed. I rarely notice, nor care, what others are doing :)

FRUIT SHOOTS HAVE VODKA IN THEM

I'm sure that they don't but you'd think so the way everyone goes on about them. I really don't understand whats wrong with them in moderation. As for watsits mixed, yes theyre disgusting but they're part of childhood.

I hate fruit shoots because of the name.

My mum used to buy fruit shoots because the name gave her the impression they were healthy. She would have let them drink them all day long and thought she was contributing to their five-a-day, when the reality is they've got no more fruit in them than a can of coke!

You may as well give the child a coke and at least you know it's not great for them and decide how often to give it on that basis.

Took me ages to convince my mum of this - same as the flavoured water she drank herself, thinking it was good for her.

(I don't mind her treating the children, just like her to know what she's giving them!)

Admittedly, I wouldn't buy my dgd fruitshoots or similar crap but actually, I also agree that children are not necessarily ruined by the occasional "unsuitable" treat. When my dcs were little, it was always the children who lived under totalitarian food regimes that were a total pain when you entertained them. One, in particular, would beg to be taken down to the corner shop for sweets and my dcs were just astonished at this because while their sweet intake was limited, it was not forbidden in a way that encouraged undignified displays of need! Their grandparents did give them things I wouldn't buy but since these were limited treats it didn't do much harm and certainly wasn't worth me throwing a strop about.

Exactly GloriaSmut-one thing that controlling parents should listen to! It is utter rubbish that if you withhold sweet stuff they don't get a taste for it! It is the one thing that gives them a craving for it-and the ability to look the mother in the eye and innocently announce that they don't really like sweets-when everyone else knows they are an utter nightmare when mother is out of sight!
Everything in moderation and you don't set up unhealthy attitudes to food.

I haven't read the other posts but I'm about your main point and offended by your use of adhd

Well I would rather not give my twenty month old sweets and chocolate and cake and to me this is sensible, not controlling. She has no idea what chocolate is so I am certainly not going to give her any at such a young age. I did the same with my eldest who has limited access to cake etc and biscuits but no sweets and rarely chocolate. At parties he is definitely not the one who goes crazy for the sweet stuff that is the kids who have it regularly and did so from early on so I really disagree that it is the kids with controlled access to sweet stuff who go mad for it - from what I see it's the other way round. My dc is happy with limited access and has plenty of fruit too

Exotic - my dc's are twenty months and nearly 4. We allow the eldest to have some cake etc at parties, dinners out and yes, he loves it when he gets it but also only eats a bit them wants fruit! I don't make a big issue of it and on a day to day basis he has fruit and the baby biscuits sweetened with fruit juice and even porridge sweetened with apple puree. I do not allow sweets though and do say no, as he has never had them yet, he is not fussed at the moment. I dont give my youngest sweet stuff like cake etc as she is too young to notice but when she is older like her brother she will be allowed some. I have friends who let their children have chocolate every day etc and whilst this is their choice it is something I would not do as it only encourages bad habits (to my mind)

Fruit shoots are gross though but the new fruit shoot 5 a day is ok

Hairfull - I totally agree with you! ( I think we,ve met before on a similar thread :) )

DS1 is 5 and definitely does not go crazy for sweets at parties. Nor does he beg and tantrum for sweets in supermarkets until they get handed them which I see a lot of from the 'regular sweet eaters'. They dont get a taste for them because they dont know what they are!

Why are people going on about the handiness of fruit shoot bottles? Can't you just get the little bottles of water with the sport cap? Or one of those sigg bottles which you can reuse so eliminating the added waste and avoiding the artificial sweeteners at the same time!

Yes BUBBLYMUMMY we are cut from the same cloth! My cousin's daughter is the same age as my son and always tantrums for sweets whereas my son never has sweets so doesn't know what the fuss is about. I did have sweets when I was younger and it did me no favours! One of my dear friends had none as a young child and then controlled access to sweet stuff (like I am doing with my kids) and she has a very healthy attitude towards sweet stuff so I disagree with those who say deny them and they go mad. More like teach them to Wang sweet stuff and they go mad!

I don't think there is a problem if you are not too rigid BUT on the recent sweet nostalgia thread there were definitely adults who did the proper thing with mother there, and if someone offered a sweet they declined politely, but they had a very unhealthy attitude as soon as she wasn't there! I certainly know DCs who look their mother in the eye and butter wouldn't melt-but they are entirely different away from her!!!
Mine never had many sweets, but I think it counter productive to ban them. It is also totally false that denying them when young will mean they don't have a sweet tooth. My DS2 doesn't have a sweet tooth but that is just who he is-nothing more.
I suspect fruit shoots are vile (never having had one) but grandparents giving one once in a while isn't important-what you do every day is important.

Mine never had a single tantrum for sweets and once they had their own money they rarely bought any. It was never an issue-they were never banned.

I cant belive you think by your child having a few sweet's and a fruit shoot this will give them bad teeth. Children need treats every now and again, they are children fgs. Thats what grand parents are for.

I do wonder-those who think a 'no sweets policy' works- have you DCs old to get out of your range?
How many times do they stay with grandparents alone,go to birthday parties on their own, go to tea with friend where you don't know the mother, go on sleepovers with friends, have their own pocket money, go on the trip type birthday parties to theme parks, Brownie trips to the theatre etc etc?
In my experience the only problem DCs are the ones who are very strictly regulated-and the parent doesn't know.

I had unlimited sweet stuff as a child - I stopped eating it when I was around 10 as I just didn't like chocolate and sweets that much and I still don't. Until recently I did the Friday at the sweet shop after pre-school routine, which was seen as a major treat. The only adults I know that stuff themselves full of sweets and chocolates are those that were denied them.