AIBU?
Advice required should I stop him seeing his son?
cuteboots · 03/05/2011 14:29
Not sure if this is the correct bit to start this in but here goes. My son now sees his dad on a regular basis but over the weekend something came to light which made me feel really physically sick. He is being taken to court by trading standards and I saw paperwork for the prosecutions case which says hes been ripping off elderly people and carrying out work for them at inflated prices . I know I shouldnt have read this but human nature and being nosey I carried on. There are lots of cases being hilighted and also money laundering as they used one pub to cash the cheques apparently. WTF do I do now I have this info? God strike me down for being a nosey old bird but god this makes me want to throw up its so bad.. He has mentioned a court case but the details he gave me differ greatly from the ones I read about!!!! Also if hes paying me maintenance could I get into trouble if the money laundering is going on?
Tryharder · 03/05/2011 14:40
Well presumably you can feel good about the fact that he is your Ex and that you are not actually sleeping with! But I wouldn't say anything to your DS or stop him from seeing his Dad although I would be tempted as Fabby says to let him know that i know. ...
ashamedandconfused · 03/05/2011 14:40
I dont think you CAN stop him seeing his son can you? Certainly not if access has been agreed through the family courts.
I think you just have to keep quiet TBH, this does not show YOU in a good light either, even though I heartily agree that what it seems he has been doing is very very wrong.
evilgdil · 03/05/2011 14:42
he is being taken to court, he has not been prooved guilty. stopping him seeing his son is wrong, and will upset your child.
droopy poppies my out look is why should he have something gorgeous in his life if hes been doing this?
you dont know for sure he has, and he has as much right to see his son as you do. you cant just decided to change this.
cuteboots · 03/05/2011 14:53
Im just in shock really and cant believe that this is true but he is good with his son and Im not going to stop contact. Anyone capable of doing this sort of thing especially to the elderly just isnt a nice person. Hes been going to see his barrister every week and it was just a huge shock seeing this..
Ilovemyhens- maybe hes gay as well then?
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/05/2011 14:57
You don't have the right to prevent your Ex from seeing his son and nor should you even try it. Why do you think you have the right? That really bothers me... you do not have bigger and better rights because you're the mother. 
Your Ex is in the legal system now and whatever happens, happens. It's nothing to do with you and you could find yourself in legal hot water if you do anything to scupper access. Don't do it please. Put no barriers in the way and let your child decide for himself how much access he wants.
HecateQueenOfTheNight · 03/05/2011 15:02
Does his son love him? Does he love his son? Is it in his son's best interests to have no father?
You can't think of how you feel about what he's done. You have to think how you are going to look your son in the eye in 20 years and explain your decision.
That should be your only consideration.
What he's done, if he's done it, is bloody shitty and I hope if he is guilty he gets what he deserves.
But it is seperate from your son's right to have his father in his life.
cuteboots · 03/05/2011 15:08
lyingwithcinthewardrobe- His dad had nothing to do with his son for 3 years so I feel I have every right to protect him . He only made contact with me again when the csa got involved and threatened him with Jail .. I just needed a bit of advice and yes maybe I am overly protective but when youve done it for a few years on your own then thats what happens. I wouldnt stop him seeing him as hes thinks hes the best thing since sliced bread but this has made me stop and think a bit...
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/05/2011 15:10
Well you didn't put that in your OP, did you? Carry on protecting your son by all means, but DON'T stop him seeing his father. You're obviously the primary caregiver so you will have tremendous influence... do nothing that your son will resent you for later. If your Ex is as bad as you say, this will be a short term thing.
Bogeyface · 03/05/2011 15:15
You should certainly find out what the implications of this court case could be, is he at risk of a prison sentence? From what you have posted on here, it sounds like its a distinct possibility and I would be more concerned about preparing you DS for the fact that he may get sent down.
But as the others have said, no matter what you think of what he is accused of, it is the courts right to punish him not yours, and to use your son like that would be unforgiveable.
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