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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is it very easy to send one text message within a three week period?

41 replies

smileyfacestar · 03/05/2011 12:55

I'm just checking what people think about this.

My daughter had a birthday party last Sat and I gave out invitations to her whole nursery class on the Monday before they broke up for Easter hols.

There are over 30 in her class and the actual turn out at the party was 18 children (including family and other friends).

I had two declines the week before the hols but over 15 did not respond either way.

Is this normal? Are people really this ignorant?

Just checking as I am pretty new to all this party palaver.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 03/05/2011 12:58

I would say it is fairly normal these days, especially when there seems to be the pressure to invite everyone in a class rather than your childs real friends.

CandiceMariePratt · 03/05/2011 13:01

I think with the party being in the holidays then people easily forget or end up going away. It is really annoying when you don't know if people are going to turn up or not though x

Original poster
smileyfacestar · 03/05/2011 13:01

I think any future birthdays will be scaled down and include just some close friends but she's only 4 so she wanted everyone to be there. She asked me earlier why some of her classmates didn't come when we had given them an invite. I just felt a bit sad for her.

OP posts:
gkys · 03/05/2011 13:02

isn't it just plain rude, it baffles me as to why can't let you know either way, no, YANBU,

we only invite friends and their sibblings

TobyLerone · 03/05/2011 13:03

My daughter is having a birthday party on Saturday. I've had one response from 6 girls' parents. Invitations went out last Tuesday. It's annoying and rude.

Original poster
smileyfacestar · 03/05/2011 13:04

I think you could be right Candice. Maybe I am taking it personally. I am just annoyed because I made loads of effort with the invites only for them to apparently be thrown out!

OP posts:
greencaveman · 03/05/2011 13:05

Don't take it personally. It sounds relatively normal. (Not saying it is acceptable!).

Original poster
smileyfacestar · 03/05/2011 13:05

I know sometimes it can be daunting to approach someone you don't know or call them but I only needed a text message fgs! I just can't believe it as I make sure I reply on time and provide a lovely pressie!

OP posts:
Original poster
smileyfacestar · 03/05/2011 13:07

I know I shouldn't take it personally Green. I'm just glad it sounds normal! Was beginning to wonder what I had done wrong!

Hope you get some replies soon Toby

OP posts:
MerylStrop · 03/05/2011 13:08

yanbu they are all SLACK

BUT
(weary voice of experience)
invitations get lost, especially in a nursery/reception kind of scenario
especially round holiday time, people lose the thread/go away and other kid's parties, except perhaps for PFBs or best friends, are not that high a priority (you might say, clearly, neither are manners)
I think the optimum lead in time for a party invite is 10 days max, otherwise people don't necessarily know if they can make it, and then forget all about it

Imnotaslimjim · 03/05/2011 13:08

It is very rude, but I've had a similar thing recently with DS's class mates. Party was Easter Saturday (couldn't move it due to other commitments) so we gave the invites out a month before to give everyone time to let us know. Only 4 from school turned up. Fortunately we already had 15 family children coming so he wasn't let down too badly

Yellowstone · 03/05/2011 13:10

Amazingly rude. Horrid people.

aliceliddell · 03/05/2011 13:10

No, YANBU. I am regularly open-mouthed at the abysmal 'manners' of dd's friends' parents re this type of thing. God alone knows what the next generation of ignoramouses will be like. Hope you all had a good time anyway, remember who did what for next time.

MerylStrop · 03/05/2011 13:10

Toby, I would just text the folks you know or talk to them at school, so you can get on with stuff. I think if they don't reply within the first 2 days then they won't until the day before (too stressful, save yourself the anguish)

upahill · 03/05/2011 13:12

This is quite normal I'm afraid.

I think you had quite a good turn out.

My DS birhday is in the middle of August so for the first year at school I had to have his party on the middle of the last week of term knowing that lots of people make a mad dash to go away on the Firday night and that friends he wanted to be there were going away for the date of birthday.

It gets easier. For the last couple of years it has just been one close friend coming out for a meal with us but he hangs round and does stuff with the gang he hangs round with.

Don't worry about it.

I don't think parents have done it delibrately. I once thought that DH had declined and invite and he thought I had done it. Sometimes invites get lost and don't even make it home. Sometimes parents really do forget. None of this is meant to upset you or your DD, it just happens sometimes.

Original poster
smileyfacestar · 03/05/2011 13:12

I hope I will become less stressed about all of this as DD gets older. The main thing is that some did turn up and she had a lovely time.

I think it's our timing Imno, Easter is just not a good time to have a party!

Just wondering, has anyone ever said anything to parents who have ignored an invite?

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 03/05/2011 13:13

Heh, Meryl. That would work if I actually knew any of these people! I work full-time and don't know any of the mums.

Thanks, though. If they turn up, they turn up. I'm with the OP on the 'feeling a bit sad for her' thing, though. I'll be really upset for her if only the one turns up on Saturday!

daimbardiva · 03/05/2011 13:14

It's rude. We had people that didn't even bother to reply to wedding invitations - made me wish I'd not bothered inviting them tbh.

mickeyjohn · 03/05/2011 13:16

they are not 'horrid people' for forgetting -they are most likely to be busy and forgetful!!! I know I have slmost forgotten to reply to invites that we can't go to before, esp in school holidays and from friends of my daughter that I don't know....I run my own business, I have 2 under 5s, I am BUSY and sometimes I just don't remember everything!!! I can't be alone in this (clearly!) but that does not mean people are horrid, just busy. Sorry!!! It is shit though. I tend to assume that if I have not heard within 2 weeks they ain't coming - the ones that can come tend to be the ones to reply!

Original poster
smileyfacestar · 03/05/2011 13:16

I spotted one of the mothers on the bus stop outside my house and ran out in my slippers to ask her (3/4 days before the party) She declined (looking shocked) but obviously had no intention of letting me know otherwise.

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 03/05/2011 13:18

To be fair, I'd be a bit taken aback if I were waiting at a bus stop and saw you hurtling towards me in your slippers....

CinnabarRed · 03/05/2011 13:18

You did have other clothes on too, didn't you? Grin

Original poster
smileyfacestar · 03/05/2011 13:19

Not responding to a wedding invite is terrible Daimbardiva. Loads of my wedding guests replied but then decided to leave halfway through the day leaving quite a sparse evening do!

OP posts:
Original poster
smileyfacestar · 03/05/2011 13:20

Yes, fully dressed other than the slippers!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 03/05/2011 13:22

Whilst clearing out the car over the holidays, I found two party invitations which had been given to a child and which I hadn't seen.

I can think of at least 2 other occasions in the last year where I never saw the invite and where the party mother asked if my child was coming.

It happens.

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