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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you all....

38 replies

stdorothymantooth · 03/05/2011 11:38

How long after giving birth did you have sex? We have a 14 week old and I just can't relax because I'm convinced it will all hurt "down there" it gets better right?

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 03/05/2011 12:01

Erm, I think about three months, and it didn't hurt at all. Go for it!

ellangirl · 03/05/2011 12:03

10 weeks. It didn't hurt- just didn't quite feel like I remembered, but then I'd had a lot of damage during birth. Go for it, use plenty of lube and it will be fine!

Dolcegusto · 03/05/2011 12:04

I think about 2 months with dd1, 6 weeks with dd2.

Don't rush it, make sure your dh is very gentle and if it hurts, then stop.

worraliberty · 03/05/2011 12:04

Just after the 6wk check up

NinkyNonker · 03/05/2011 12:06

I would get lube to be sure. TMI, but 9 months on I still feel a little dryer than before, and where I had an epistiotomy still hurts a little.

perfumedlife · 03/05/2011 12:08

6 weeks, after the check by midwife. It was a psychological dread of pain, rather than actual pain, that made it less than wonderful for me. I left it another week and had a few glasses of wine, all ok.

If you are still sore from stiches or the delivery, take your time, there's no rush. Do you feel rushed?

Lainey1981 · 03/05/2011 12:08

11weeks, it hurt a little bit, but that was to be expected as had forceps delivery and extended episiotomy. Ds is 22 weeks now, and still not back to normal, but no pain. Just need to work on the pelvic floor and sex drive

FabbyChic · 03/05/2011 12:08

About three months.

Might I suggest without being rude whilst you are in the bath you touch yourself? If you touch yourself you will know how it feels and will be more relaxed in knowing it won't be uncomfortable or hurt.

Lainey1981 · 03/05/2011 12:09

Oh and agree with ninky use lube

swallowedAfly · 03/05/2011 12:10

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swallowedAfly · 03/05/2011 12:10

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Dinosaurhunter · 03/05/2011 12:13

5 weeks - I wanted to do it before the 6 week check so if I did have any concerns I could speak about it then.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 03/05/2011 12:15

Err not too sure, think about 3-4 months afterwards? TBH it was more being sleep deprived than soreness putting me off!

Original poster
stdorothymantooth · 03/05/2011 12:18

perfumedlife not really rushed but can definitely sense disappointment with each "im sorry I just don't feel ready" he'd never say it but I can see it iyswim

OP posts:
takethisonehereforastart · 03/05/2011 12:21

It was about four months after LO was born before I felt able to have sex.

LO's was a long and difficult birth and I had an episiotomy before they used forceps to get him out.

I was terrified it would hurt to have sex. It didn't, but it wasn't comfortable either. Mostly I think because I wasn't relaxed and I felt rushed into it even after four months.

It had been a difficult pregnancy though and followed two other difficult pregnancies and traumatic births (our first son was stillborn and our daughter died neonatally just a couple of hours after she was born). I'd had lots of operations, lots of doctors poking and prodding and been incredibly ill.

During this last pregnancy, when thankfully LO was born fit and well and is thriving, I had two operations and a lot of poking and prodding again. At times I felt more like a medical experiment and after the birth I felt that I needed time to take back my own body. It took six weeks for me to stop bleeding after LO's birth and a few weeks more before I could even consider sex. It actually took nine months to feel relaxed about it and not worry about it hurting or causing some kind of damage to my scar.

mrspear · 03/05/2011 12:22

4 weeks Blush no idea why but it was my asking! In defense baby was very early so bleeding stopped after a week.

Back to OP why do you have to rush to intercourse; how about building up to that with kisses / cuddles/ playing around? Plus have you actually told your dp/dh why you are holding back?

FabbyChic · 03/05/2011 12:23

My friend has just had a baby and waited less than six weeks, she went in the bath and touched herself first to make sure it wouldn't hurt, she had stitches too and quite a bad tear.

She said everything was fine!

Indith · 03/05/2011 12:24

About 4/5 weeks after the first. Didn't hurt. Wasn't great sex but was nice to feel intimate again with dh if that makes sense. Think I forgot what sex was after the second though Blush.

jeckadeck · 03/05/2011 12:25

about six weeks initially... didn't actually hurt but felt a bit uncomfortable. Then waited about another 3 weeks and it was much better.

Groovee · 03/05/2011 12:28

With DD it was 13 weeks when we tried and I had to be referred to a Gynae as things weren't right but they Gynae said I just had to get used to soemthing, and eventually at 8 months we managed to go full way in.

With DS I had a horrendously high sex drive through out his pregnancy, and at 2 weeks I told dh I couldn't wait any longer. I didn't have stitches with him and only a slight tear which had healed up.

HappyAsIAm · 03/05/2011 12:32

11 weeks. I would have waited longer than that, but it was our wedding anniversary and I felt like I sort of should try and just went with it. It was painful for me at the point of entry Blush but ok afterwards. Just ok. I think I built it up to be something that would hurt though, and I felt rushed into it, so I made it worse for myself.

Everything in your own time, I say. A friend of mie was so worried that if she left it too long, she wouldn't actually want to get back in the saddle, so she had sex a couple of weeks after the birth. Anopther friend of mine waited a year (her DH was fine about it) before having penetrative sex as she was so traumatised by the birth.

daimbardiva · 03/05/2011 13:27

6 weeks, and it was fine but I didn't have any stitches or anything. However, it's totally up to you - wait till you feel ready, if you're worried, you won't be relaxed and you won't enjoy it

NulliusInVerba · 03/05/2011 13:47

5 Years and counting.......not making that mistake again!!! Grin

confuddledDOTcom · 03/05/2011 14:27

It's been six weeks each time I think. Last time though we weren't really able to do much in the first six months but we found we needed to slow things down a bit and then we were able to. I think it's got to be the longest I've gone Blush

Not sure what the gestation does, I've had babies at 20, 31 and 35 weeks all bled for about the same amount of time. I think you were just fortunate.

Bumpsadaisie · 03/05/2011 14:47

About 3 weeks. But very very gently (episiotomy had healed by then but psychologically it is a thing to take very slowly).

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