to ask you all....

[stdorothymantooth]

How long after giving birth did you have sex? We have a 14 week old and I just can't relax because I'm convinced it will all hurt "down there" it gets better right?

I think it was around 8 weeks.

We definately tried earlier than that I freaked out and was very afraid of the pain (even though it didn't hurt that much)

I would second the suggestion of just being really gentle with each other for a while and having a slow build up. Maybe for a few days partner could just give you a massage? Get you back used to the idea that there can be nice fanjo related experiences not just scary ones.

swallowedAFly yes I beleive I deserve an award now, perhaps my virginity back or acceptance as a catholic nun what do you think?!

10 weeks after DC1, 7 weeks after DC2

Dunno. Can't remember. What's sex?

2 weeks,was a little bit sore but it was fine once we got going.

3 months with my DS due to stitching etc

9 days with my DD, no stitches and stopped bleeding by then

6 weeks and got pg again even though I was bf .

When I had ds 1, we didn't go there until he was about 8 months. This was with my ex though, and i guess he's my ex for a reason! I had absolutely no sex drive at all until I stopped bf at 10 months, and then it was like someone flicked a switch and it came straight back! I did it before that (but only just) because I knew ex was gagging for it.

It was agony! Am I the only one that found it really hurt? Maybe I waited too long, but ex was hung like a stallion, so that may have had something to do with it.

It was 3 or 4 months iirc. I agree with lots of lube. A few glasses of wine or similar might help too, as suggested (you can express a feed if baby can't tolerate it, if you are bfeeding).

Talk to your dh beforehand, ask him to go very slowly. Ask him to "fiddle" gently down there first to see how that is for you. Explain how you feel about it all and what your fears are. Explain that if you want to stop he must stop immediately and not be annoyed.

For me it was anxiety about it and fear of pain rather than real pain that was the issue. It will be worse worrying about it though. I know it sound horrible but it might be better to get it over with. Not very romantic I agree but it would mean that you could build up to a more romantic experience once you were confident about the mechanics.

2 weeks

But in my defence , im a quick healer and had 3 before the twins ...hv looked horrified when i told her , after she asked how "everything downstairs" was.

6 weeks with first one and it hurt so DH had to stop
currently it has been 22 weeks of abstinence with second one
as we are both knackered, have bugger all libido / bf on demand
only went for my post birth check up last week which included
dildo cam. Now that's all done we may have a go.
But there's always the non-penetrative stuff you can do?
crass to suggest i know but surely your DH could do a bit of DIY
while you stroke his balls or something - if not and he is putting you under
pressure then he needs to realise your body and mind both need
to be up for it and not rushing it is imperative.