Unreasonable to make a complaint against this woman?

[kelly2525]

Will try (and probably fail) to keep this as short as I can.

13 weeks ago I had a c section after being induced 3 days earlier, the doctors and midwives (who were brilliant) knew my baby was pooing in me on day 2 cos it was coming out of me, the midwives knew I needed a section, but the doctor kept trying to make me contract and dilate with tablets and a drip, it wasnt happening, after 3 days I was 1cm and eventually when the baby was getting stressed, they decided he should come out.

So, they do the section and my baby is covered in shit from head to toe, he was green, and they said he was the dirtiest baby they`d ever seen.

Five days later the community midwife comes to see me, takes one look at me and phones an ambulance, I had e.coli and streptococcus, which results in two operations to cut out all the infected flesh in my belly, 2 blood transfusions, so many collapsed veins that I had to have a line stitched into my neck and 18 tablets a day plus one daily injection to stop me getting a blood clot, and 6 weeks hooked up to a machine that drained the shit out of my gut.

I was in hospital for 12 days, while my baby was looked after by my 61 year old mother who was also trying to fit her job around being "a mother" to a newborn.

Last week I saw my surgeon again, as my wound still hasnt completely healed and she asked a health care assistant to take some blood from me, this woman was hovering in the background so heard the doctor going through all the shit thats happened since I had the baby.

So doctor leaves the room, and this woman tells me Im lucky to have my baby, cos as she put it " we get girls in here that have lost theirs" and when I said Im just finding it hard to forget what a nightmare the last 3 months have been, and not being with my baby while i was in hospital, watching him being taken away every evening, waking up and him not being there, and then not being able to pick him up for weeks cos I was attatched to and carrying around my venturi pump, she said, "the mothers of babies in special care can`t pick their babies up either" and suggested I get out for a walk in the sunshine to make me feel better.

Now, I cant imagine anything worse than losing a baby, and yes I am lucky mine is here, and happy and healthy, but does that mean I shouldnt feel a bit fucked off with the experience Ive had? Ive still got a small open wound that splits open if I lift anything to heavy, and bleeds when I clean it.

She just seemed at best, dismissive, and at worst, argumentative, and Im tempted to call my surgeon, (who has given me her number and told me to call her anytime if I want to speak to her again or if I need anything) and complain.

So, would you put up and shut up or not?

What is going to make you feel better? Do that.
You've had a hellish experience and you deserve sympathy and respect.

Yeah, complain about her if you like but... you ARE complaining about the doctor who didn't give you a section for 3 days, right? Because it's actually his/her fault that the whole thing happened

I would save this battle for a later date if I were you. Concentrate on getting to 100% health and then if you still feel the way you do now about the situation then take it further.

I hope you feel better soon :)

no, I wouldn't

this rather insensitive HCP ain't your problem

I would, in your situation, gether your thoughts about making a proper complaint against your original birth experience managers

not this daft woman

gather

I wouldn't complain. She wasn't very sympathetic, but in her own way it sounds like she was trying to cheer you up a bit.

Clearly you have been through hell. Focus on getting better, don't sweat the other stuff.

complain, but not now, later. When you have recovered, and after you have made up for the time lost away of your baby in the first weeks.

You've been through total hell by the sound of it. Your experience is no less distressing (or more) than a mother who's baby is in Special Care. I will never understand why some people have to compare these types of situations. What the bloody point?

OP if you want to complain, do so. YANBU. This woman needs to work on her bedside manner as she clearly has no clue how to talk to people. I'm actually cross for you.

You've had an incredibly difficult start with your son, and it's still really early days. I agree totally with those who say you need to focus on your recovery, and try not to think about what this insensitive person said - she's just not significant enough to worry about, and if you did try to complain, I imagine it wouldn't bring you any satisfaction. When you're better, absolutely investigate why this happened to you, and try to get some answers.

I hope that you recover well, and soon, and that your son is well too.
Take care, and look after yourself, and your son x

I'd complain
about the birth
the attitude
the lot

the lack of empathy is appalling

You've had a really hard time, to suggest you shouldnt have those feelings or that because someone is worse of than you so "you should be grateful" is enough to push anyone in to depression
mums that have had bad deliveries are more prone to depression, to feel you have had have your fears, anxiety and pain dismissed is appauliing

get angry not depressed

now it may be the person in question was trying to make you feel things werent so bad, but to do it so clumsily that you want to vent here suggests they need better training at the vey least

A new mother is vulnerable, to have birth trauma you are especially vulnerable and THEY should be looking out for YOU

If you have the surgeons number, phone her during the day, not now

Say how you felt when you saw her
then
how you've been made to feel now

and a big. very mumsent like

hug

I feel for you

Oh and I've had babies in special care

I would NEVER have ever felt any better for knowing there was somone who couldnt pick up her baby because SHE was ill

This woman has been insensitive in the extreme as well as being brusque and dismissive of your feelings.

Print off your post and put it somewhere safe, and put this woman's drivel out of your mind while you focus on your baby and getting back to full health.

When you are feeling 100% again, contact a specialist in clinical negligence such as Irwin Mitchell (googe them) to discuss your experience and seek advice on the merits of any claim you may make against the maternity unit/hospital where you gave birth.

On the information you've provided, you and your baby are lucky to have survived - if I'd undergone your traumatic experience I'd be more than a tad fucked off, and I'd be determined to ensure that all of the relevant staff are made aware of their shortcomings in the hope that others do not needlessly suffer your ordeal.

The last time I saw my surgeon was to check on my wound and discuss why all of this happened, I was told that it just did, and I was in the unlucky 1% that get infections after a c section and there was nothing they couldve done about it, they wouldve got him out sooner if he was showing any signs of distress etc and him crapping in me for 2 days had nothing to do with me getting e.coli.

A lot of people around me are angry on my behalf and telling me to sue, but whats the point? It wont change anything and the hospital have an answer for everything, (although the day after I had the baby the original doctor did say they shouldve done the section sooner, but nobody else was there to hear that) and Im really not depressed or feeling sorry for myself, and didnt come across as needing cheering up, I just wanted some answers, life goes on and I told them Im going back to work in 2 weeks to get life back on track, its just this bloody woman really wound me up.

She also, like a lot of the other nhs staff ive dealt with, told me, next time it would be easier, and like all the others when i tell them there will NEVER be a next time, brushed it off, cos she had a difficult birth and went on to have more children, it was like whatever I said, she knew better, thats what annoyed me, she also had the cheek to ask if she could have a look at my stomach, for no reason, the doctor had already looked, and all she was meant to do was take my blood, then she started banging on and on about having a coil fitted if I really didnt want more children.

ratspeaker I wasnt going to ring anyone at this hour, even my mushed up baby brain wouldnt go that far

Meconium (the poo the baby was passing inside you before he was born) is completely sterile and will not have caused you to have an infection. The infection could have been due to problems during the section or just sheer bad luck (sometimes horrible wound infections happen following a section through nothing anyone has done wrong) but would not have been anything to do with the baby having pooed inside you - there are no bugs in it.

Bad infections follwing a section do tend to be REALLY bad and it sounds like you have had a bloody horrible time.

It also sounds like the HCA was insensitive and it's understandable you would be upset, she may have, in a clumsy and ineffectual way, been trying to make you feel better (in the same way that the people who say things like 'cheer up, it might never happen' are trying to make you feel better when actully they're making you want to punch them in the face...!!), Also sounds like she is doing and saying things she is not qualified to do if she is asking to look at your stomach and advising you on contraception - she's not qualified to be doing any of that and it shouldn't happen

But I don't personally think that there are grounds for complaint - yes the section could have been done sooner but the section was done when baby was distressed, the delay in doing the section is not what has caused the infection to happen and the reason the doctor didn't proceed to section until they had to as the baby was stressed was because there are risks associated with section (such as the awful infection you had) so it's not a decision taken lightly. I would mention how upset you were by the HCA's comments, but by speaking/writing to the ward manager as the first approach, if you're not happy by the outcome there then maybe move on to a formal complaint. One of the main reasons for me saying this is that if the complaint is actually resolved in this way, it is over and done with for you a lot quicker and I think that a quick resolution rather than something that drags on and on will be beneficial for you

The main thing is though that, although you have had a crappy crappy time, you and baby are together now - I'm sorry you've had such a horrible time and hope you are really enjoying being home together now x

Not to contradict the last post but I would be disturbed by the experience you underwent. I am not sure I have the ability to judge whether the right decisions were made when it came to your care during your induction but if I was in your shoes I think going over the experience with someone who had been involved would be a helpful thing.
As to the women who made those comments it was not her place to and I would have been upset as well. As to whether you should complain I don't know but she was out of order.

The presence of meconium is not harmful to the mother, but if the baby inhales meconium before/during/after birth it can be sucked deep into the lungs and this can be fatal or result in long term health problems..

There's no if's or but's about it - your baby should have been dellivered asap after meconium was observed, and a delay of 24 hours until you had your c-section is completely unacceptable as, of course, is the fact that you contracted serious infections most probably because of lax hygiene.

I'm not surprised your surgeon gave you her number - it's the first step in damage limitation when professionals know full well they've cocked up and fear they may have to cover their own and/or their colleagues back(s).

If you attempt to single-handedly raise your concern/complaint via the surgeon or the unit/hospital's complaints procedure, you may find you're being given the run around and could feel that you're trying to punch your way through cotton wool

After you have put a few months' distance between your horrendous experience of what could and should have been a joyful event, seek advice from a specialist in clinical negligence as this may be useful in working through any negative feelings you may have about your dc's birth as well as establishing whether you have any cause for complaint.

If you have grounds for formal complaint a specialist can advise and guide you through the necessary procedures. The process can be long and drawn out, but very few cases end up in court as negotiation usually leads to resolution.

There's really no need to rush to do anything at the present time so put your feet up while you can and enjoy your precious new son

Glad you are OK and sorry you've had such a bad experience.

I think you should focus on getting better and looking after your baby and put this behind you. The HCP was trying to help you feel better; maybe give you a sense of perspective but wasn't actually helpful.

Really no point in wasting your energy getting worked up about someone who was trying to help.
Izzywhizzy's advice is good - put some time between you and the experience and then decide whether you want to complain.

Really sorry you have had such a hard time.

I would complain about a lot of things, and especially the delay in the C-section and the insensitive woman. If you do complain, better sooner than later, as the hospital will find it easier to look into matters that were recent. You could just email the PALS at the hospital.

The woman needs to be told by her employer that her comments to you were unhelpful, so that she doesn't keep doing this to women.

I wanted to complain about my first birth experience (not as bad as yours, but not good) and still regret not doing so. A fried on mine did complain and had a helpful meeting with a senior midwife to talk through what had happened, which helped her.

I had a difficult first birth, nothing compared to yours. I then had a similar situation with a HCA on the ward, she made some truly evil comments. I reported her to the ward manager at the time but 3 years later I still deeply regret not making it official.

I wish I had done something, if I had maybe something would have been done to stop her carrying on this behavior to others, which i know she has from a friend. She really isnt fit to be working with people and should be sacked.

I agree with AnyFucker. (who I am glad to see back in her original guise, when did that happen then? )

I'd complain about the run up to the birth, but let the other one go.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Bless you what a completely terrible time you've had. I have tears in my eyes thinking of all that. Complain....I never complained about a stupid Heath Visitor I had and another HV told me I shuld have so the HV could learn what not to say....and nt hurt another Mum.

It might help you to begin to recover.

I really, really hope you feel better soon and am glad you had a lovely Mum to help you....and congratulations on the lovely new baby.

How are you now? How is everything?

Give yourself sometime to heal, physically and mentally.

When you start waking up and it isnt the first thing on your mind, then thats the time to start tackling how you feel about how you were treated by various people.

In the meantime read "Biirth Crisis" by Sheila Kitzinger and visit her website here. She has confidential helplines for women who has suffered traumatic births, particularly those who were treated badly by the people who were supposed to be looking after them. When I rang I spoke to Sheila herself and she was wonderful, really helpful and gave me some good ideas about how to cope. I was later diagnosed with PTSD and had counselling. I also wrote and complained to the hospital about what happened and had a couple of meetings with them to discuss why things had happened the way they did. As a result, information I should have been given and wasnt about a condition I didnt actually know I had (thanks to the lack of info) is now given out to all women in my situation when they give birth immediately after birth and again on discharge. I really felt that my raising my concerns had made a difference and like you I felt that nothing would be served by suing them. The apology and change in protocol was what helped me move on.

I really hope you feel better soon, and although I dont want to post the details on here about what happened, feel free to PM me if you want to chat

take care xx

Make an appointment with the hospital for a midwife to go through your notes with you.

Hope you soon feel better.