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to have been cross with DD1?

32 replies

macdoodle · 01/05/2011 19:09

Because now I feel really bad.
She is almost 10, a lovely girl mostly.
She is on the chubby side, but definitely prepubertal with small breasts forming, and a slightly tubby tummy,limbs and face all fine.
She is however on the 95th centile for age/height which puts her in the obese range :( She is not aware of this, but has been making lots of comments about being fat and ugly :(
I struggle with my weight and eating habits, yo yoing from a size 12 to a 20 currently :( Have tried desperately not to pass my poor habits on to my DD's.
As she was so aware of it and making herself miserable. We have had lots of chats about healthy eating, trying not to make it about weight but more about being healthy. She is very active already.
we eat healthy meals, but her portions are too big and she snacks a lot. We have been trying to address this, ie smaller portions, and only fruit for snacks.

Today they went to my ex IL's for the day. On the way back, I asked what they had for dinner, she says cooked chicken dinner, chicken, roasties and veg. Great. Then she says very smugly, "I had 5 (yes FIVE) yorkshires". They were the normal sized frozen ones Shock :(
I am afraid I was cross and asked her why on earth she ate 5 yorkshires and did she think that was healthy. She had just complained of tummy ache, no surprise there. She says nan said I could have them
FFS what idiot gives a 9yr old girl 5 yorkshires (I mean why would you even cook that many for a child). That aside, as the ex IL's won't speak to me. I am so disappointed that all our talk of healthy eating has made no impact at all, and she didnt know better. I was cross and though I said no more she knows I was cross.
She has gone to play with friends and won't talk to me.

I don't know how to handle this, was IBU, what should I have said/done. I think I handled it badly :(

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 01/05/2011 19:11

How much exercise do you both get?
Healthy eating is only part of the answer, and she's not really buying into that without your supervision.


TheOriginalNutcracker · 01/05/2011 19:12

In all honesty, in my house if that had happened, i'd have more than likely said '5 !! you greedy pig' in a jokey way and thats it.

I think if she is eating healthily at home, and only goes to her grandparents now and again, then I don't think it will hurt.

What's done is done though. Perhaps apologise and explain that you weren't cross, just perhaps worried she'd be unwell having eaten too much or something ??


themildmanneredjanitor · 01/05/2011 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumtoabeautifulbabyboy · 01/05/2011 19:13

I think you are being VU expecting a 9 yr old to have willpower when it comes to refusing food. You expected her to do this based on talks about healthy eating with you yet you yourself say you are a size 20. You should know how hard it is to refuse food even when you know better (I know I find it hard to resist in some situations).

YANBU expecting a healthy balanced meal to be provided for your daughter, but to be cross with her - yes.


macdoodle · 01/05/2011 19:14

She is very active, trampolining hour and half twice a week, swimming hour once a week, PE at school, and plays out bike/scooter/trampolining/active far more than she stays in being still.
Me less so, but I'm trying.
During the holidays/weekends, I try to get us out for a long walk/park at least every other day.

OP posts:

Jacksterbear · 01/05/2011 19:14

YANBU to be annoyed with your XMIL.

YABABU to be annoyed with your DD, she was told by her nan it was ok, why should she have questionned that aged 9?


macdoodle · 01/05/2011 19:15

The centile charts for her age based on her age/height/weight, put her on the 95th centile, which is on the obese range. Up to 85th centile is healthy.

OP posts:

lubberlich · 01/05/2011 19:18

Kids will eat what they are given or offered. Not really fair to be cross with her about it.
Get her a trampoline - cut her portions down and limit unhealthy snacks - the weight will fall off.


activate · 01/05/2011 19:18

If she is 95% percentile for height AND weight she is well within normal bounds

and I don't think 5 yorkshires will kill her once in a while - so I'm of the "you greedy pig" laugh school too


macdoodle · 01/05/2011 19:18

OP posts:

activate · 01/05/2011 19:20

no it just says that out of every 100 children she is taller and heavier than 94

unless she's 25th centile height and 95th centile weight it does not say she's obese at all

but you are the only one who can look at her so if you think she's fat she probably is and healthy eating / lifestyle is the way to go


macdoodle · 01/05/2011 19:20

We have a trampoline she uses it a lot. I am afraid 95th centile at her age is NOT within normal range.
I know IABU to have been cross with her, I can't do it, so why should she :(
Am furious with XMIL, but have no communication with them at all, and XH is no better when he is around :(
Will apologise and try and play it down later, last thing I want to do is give her food issues :( Am a fecking idiot.

OP posts:

activate · 01/05/2011 19:21

oh you mean her BMI then


themildmanneredjanitor · 01/05/2011 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 01/05/2011 19:25

My DD1's 10 as well Smile and sounds similar to yours.

I don't know what centile she is or anything, but she's definately not overweight.

Her body's changing at the same time as her taking more responsibilty for what she eats.

I go along the portion control line, after she's eaten her sarnie/fruit or dinner/pud then she can have crips and choc, but she puts them in a bowl and I see how many she's got.

Then that's it, no grazing on crap for hours, say an hour later she can asking if she can have this or that and perhaps nibble on some cheese etc.

I know she has enough exercise because we walk to school and she's always running and dancing about everywhere.

The think I've noticed most though (and which I loathed my parents doing to me as a child) is she doesn't like any insinuation that she's greedy.

I go out of my way to make sure she knows I don't think she is and I'm saying about portion control because it is easy to just munch your way through stuff without noticing.


Groovee · 01/05/2011 19:25

If she's trampolining and swiming then it's likely to be quite a bit of muscle on her as well as fat. I'd keep an eye on her food issues at home and ignore what the ex inlaws are doing as it's just going to upset you.


icooksocks · 01/05/2011 19:27

My ds2 although only a toddler is 99.9th centile for weight and height. As he's so high on both I am constantly told that he is in proportion. With regards to your daughter, I'm afraid it appears to me you are already passing on your unhealthy attitude to food. There is no harm in having a treat and you should not have berated her.


worraliberty · 01/05/2011 19:32

Heading into puberty shouldn't put her in the obese range unless she is overweight to begin with so I wouldn't concentrate too much on that.

I think the issue here is that you have allowed her portion sizes that are too big and you allow her to snack on top of that.

You can't change a lifetime of bad eating habits overnight, just because it's now taking its toll on her body.

Yes, all thos Yorkshires were far too much but obviously not to a child who has been allowed to over eat for so long.

Changing her (and your) eating habits is do-able but it wont happen over night.


create · 01/05/2011 19:33

YABU everyone has a pudding (or a few) they shouldn't have from time to time. If her eating habits are mostly healthy and she's getting enough exercise, making a big fuss about her overeating will do far more harm than the actua overeating will.

I'm 40, or "normal" weight and generally eat healthily, but when faced with a roast dinner someone else has cooked for me or a special occasion, will eat far more than my fill. Nothing wrong with that as long as it's not too often.


Choufleur · 01/05/2011 19:37

YABU to be cross with her. How tall is she? Is she 95 on height as well as weight.


Ben10isthespawnofthedevil · 01/05/2011 19:38

My DS aged 5 will easily eat 5 Aunt Bessies or more as they are his favourite. I would not have said anything to her but to her grandparents for next time.


worraliberty · 01/05/2011 19:38

I do honestly think some people forget what a 'normal' portion size is for children.

I'm constantly amazed when I go to a Carvery other other restaurant and see the food piled high on children's plates. Often their portions are the same size as the adult's and then they'll have a dessert afterwards.

Equally, I think we're so used to seeing overweight children we forget that their ribs and hip bones should actually be visible.


Danthe4th · 01/05/2011 19:38

5 mini yorkshires probably account for 50grms of flour, 1 egg and a bit of milk and the rest is air!! yabu


JoanofArgos · 01/05/2011 19:39

Op already feels bad though! I would think this mainly comes from the fact you've had issues with your weight and you don't want her to go through the same - hence you snapped more than you might have - or more than you might iif you had a naturally skinny dd.

If you're 9 and your nan lets you, you're going to eat 5 yorkshires: yes, I would just say 'well that was a bit greedy wasn't it!' and mainly feel annoyed with your ex MIL. And then eat healthily the rest of the week.

Give her a cuddle when she comes in and tell her you're sorry you were cross but 5 yorkshires isn't all that clever - and then don't feel too guilty about it.


AuntiePickleBottom · 01/05/2011 19:40

just say your sorry for snapping at her, but part of heathy eating is being able to enjoy a treat now and again
5 yorshire puds the aunt bessie ones is only 250 calories

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