to have been cross with DD1?

[macdoodle]

Because now I feel really bad.
She is almost 10, a lovely girl mostly.
She is on the chubby side, but definitely prepubertal with small breasts forming, and a slightly tubby tummy,limbs and face all fine.
She is however on the 95th centile for age/height which puts her in the obese range :( She is not aware of this, but has been making lots of comments about being fat and ugly :(
I struggle with my weight and eating habits, yo yoing from a size 12 to a 20 currently :( Have tried desperately not to pass my poor habits on to my DD's.
As she was so aware of it and making herself miserable. We have had lots of chats about healthy eating, trying not to make it about weight but more about being healthy. She is very active already.
we eat healthy meals, but her portions are too big and she snacks a lot. We have been trying to address this, ie smaller portions, and only fruit for snacks.

Today they went to my ex IL's for the day. On the way back, I asked what they had for dinner, she says cooked chicken dinner, chicken, roasties and veg. Great. Then she says very smugly, "I had 5 (yes FIVE) yorkshires". They were the normal sized frozen ones :(
I am afraid I was cross and asked her why on earth she ate 5 yorkshires and did she think that was healthy. She had just complained of tummy ache, no surprise there. She says nan said I could have them
FFS what idiot gives a 9yr old girl 5 yorkshires (I mean why would you even cook that many for a child). That aside, as the ex IL's won't speak to me. I am so disappointed that all our talk of healthy eating has made no impact at all, and she didnt know better. I was cross and though I said no more she knows I was cross.
She has gone to play with friends and won't talk to me.

I don't know how to handle this, was IBU, what should I have said/done. I think I handled it badly :(

[Journey]

You're putting too much pressure on her. You should let her enjoy herself when it is a special occasion like having a meal at her grandparents.

When at home reduce her portion size, and limit the amount of snacks. Don't keep nagging her about healthy eating. She is only 10 years old.

Give her control by saying she can have two snacks a day (I'm presuming that two snacks is less than she is used to a day) for instance and she can choose what she wants. Constant talk about healthy eating would get anybody obsessed with food either by overindulging or not wanting to eat at all.

She is a child so stop expecting her to think calories and health. It is your job to guide her by what you offer. If you know she has had a big chicken dinner then give her a smaller tea to balance things out. She doesn't need to know all your thinking.

[manicinsomniac]

I would be very careful about making her feel like she needs to be on a diet and restricting what she eats.

Yes, 5 yorkshires was too much but children will always overdose on the tasty bits of meals if adults let them. It wasn't her fault.

I would apologise to her and make light of it. Then I'd try and work out a meal plan that means that she is eating healthily (and less if she really needs to be) without her noticing or focusing on it too much.

My friends chubby 6 year old was on a 'diet' and had no idea!

[BabyDubsEverywhere]

Yorkies are a bit of a nothing food, just egg milk and flour. Not really worth worrying about imo. You are being VERY U being angry with her for the very thing you do!

Relax a bit, and join in with her healthy eating and exercise

[ChippingInLovesEasterEggs]

Mac not your finest hour :( But hey, none of us are perfect. I think it is SO hard when you have eating/food issues to not pass them onto your children, either by allowing them to do what you do or by over compensating. It. Is. Hard.

5 yorkshires isn't that big a deal. Even if she'd had that and a lot of crap, on the odd occasion she goes to her GP's not going to make much difference. I would have just said 'Really - you'll go pop!' & left it at that. Too much focus on eating/healthy eating isn't good for her and if she knows you are going to comment/criticise/go mad she will just start hiding what she eats and that would be bad.

Personally I would stop making any reference to healthy/not healthy food, keep mostly healthy food in the house. Be careful of what there is 'extra' to have (so serve her a portion size you think is fine, then only have veg left over for 'seconds').

BUT if she is going through puberty, she may well be genuinely hungry and need more than you think she does.

Don't keep beating yourself up, just learn from it, talk to her & move on (I would explain to her that you are just worried if she gets into bad habits now that when she gets older she will regret it and worry about her weight like you do).

Look after yourself! x

[kw1986]

95th centile is absolutely perfect if she is in proportion in terms of height and weight. As someone else said it just means that out of 100 children her age 94 will be smaller.

I just used that calculater for my DD and she comes out as the 99th or 100th centile!! (I cant remember her exact height right now! lol) But her BMI is either 22.8 (when using the shorter height) or 19.4 (using taller height) Which both fall under the "normal" category.

You need to ignore that silly little box on the right linking percentiles to whether they are overweight... I think who ever has done it has made a mistake as it should be the BMI linking to whether they are overweight.

As for the yorkshires, YWBU. Shes 9 so you shouldn't expect so much of her. It was a treat. And yorkies are mostly air anyway (thats what I tell myself when I've got my plate piled high with them!). My DD is 3 and can easily eat 4 when we have them.

[olibeansmummy]

I think any child would eat 5 Yorkshire puddings if offered. She is only 9 and the healthy eating message may take longer to sink in.

[Portoeufino]

Using that calculator, my 7 yo dd is in the 90th percentile, but has a BMI of 18.4. She is classed at being at risk of being overweight! She is solid (as opposed to skinny) but not fat at all and does loads of exercise. She too would eat 5 yorkshires if offered - it's her favourite bit of a roast dinner.