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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think people should appreciate their parents more.

39 replies

leedsgirl79 · 01/05/2011 17:23

Not referring to anyone in particular but see lots of threads where people are annoyed with things parents have done. As someone who has lost their remaining parent recently I would give anything to still have a parent. (however annoying they can be at times)
Obviously, I am a little oversensitive at mo.

OP posts:

Megatron · 01/05/2011 17:25

I agree. Mine drove me mad at times but I would give anything to be able to spend time with them again. Sorry for your loss.

petitepeach · 01/05/2011 17:28

Yes sorry leedsgirl.......mine live 5 hours away, wish they lived next door!

deemented · 01/05/2011 17:29

YABabitU

It's all well and good if you got along with your parent(s) - but what if parents were abusive or just simply not bothered?

I adore my dad - he's fantastic, but my mother and i never got on, an in honesty, i breathed a sigh of relief when she died.

manicinsomniac · 01/05/2011 17:33

you are and you aren't

My dad died when I was 22. So I agree with you. But before he died I guess I took my parents for granted too.

TheProvincialLady · 01/05/2011 17:34

I am sorry you have recently lost a parent. But honestly, you would not give anything to have just any parent. Some are awful, really awful. Emotionally and even physically abusive. The sheer fact of them being a parent does not make them a better person or that their children don't have the right to moan. A lot of people come on MN to vent about the people close to them and that is fine - better that they come here to let off steam and get perspective, than to bottle it up.

musicposy · 01/05/2011 17:34

I adore my parents, absolutely adore them, and there's not a day goes by I'm not thankful I have them both still with me.

However, a good friend of mine was appallingly abused by her father as a child, really appallingly. She has said it will be a relief when he dies, and I can quite see why. She is very good to him in his old age, and quite honestly, he doesn't deserve it at all.

No parents are perfect, of course, but very many do their best. Those are the ones to appreciate whilst they are around.

Sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how hard it must be

follyfoot · 01/05/2011 17:34

I think its a personal thing, you cant generalise about parents based on your own good or bad relationship with your own.

thirtysomething · 01/05/2011 17:35

YAB A BIT u. It's fine if your parents are generally supportive and have your best interests at heart.

If, however, one or both is abusive, neglectful, narcissistic, and more interested in the neighbour's dog than their grandchildren's lives, then I think it's perfectly ok to have a moan on here and ask for support from others that understand.

Until you've walked a mile in other people's shoes and all that....

I am sorry for your loss.

SauvignonBlanche · 01/05/2011 17:37

YANBU leedsgirl, I lost my second parent a few months ago.
I find some thread titles really set my teeth on edge. I have, so far, manged to resist all temptations to answer with an 'aren't you lucky to have a Mum?' type comment.
I usually just ignore such threads. I think we're allowed to be sensitive.

Original poster

leedsgirl79 · 01/05/2011 17:44

I must admit I have come close to doing that too sauvignon. Fair point though that not all parents are great. Of course I don't mean those that have abusive parents. I just mean those that have trivial issues. Matbe I just need to ignore those types of threads for a while.

OP posts:

DarthNiqabi · 01/05/2011 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tee2072 · 01/05/2011 17:49

But what seems to be a trivial issue to you may be a very big deal to someone else.

I am very sorry for your loss.

I will not regret it when my dad dies for many and varied reasons.

Ishani · 01/05/2011 17:53

If you have lovely parents it must be dreadful to lose them, I wouldn't even notice so YABU to suggest mine are any great loss to me.

Punkatheart · 01/05/2011 17:58

I was in tears today watching Lawrence of Arabia. My father and I had a troubled relationship but we shared a love of westerns and war films. So we would sit quietly, companionably. Then sometimes we would discuss the history. He drove me potty but yes, looking back I miss an awful lot about him: his calmness, that dark sense of humour.

But there are real issues with some children and their parents that hurt particularly when they are happening. So I feel that you can be angry or even hate a parent at times.

I am very sorry for the loss of your parent.

Tyr · 01/05/2011 18:11

Sorry for your loss. I think most of us only come to evaluate our parents after they have gone. When they are around, we take them for granted unless we have real cause to resent them. I'm assuming that you don't?
After they are gone, you revise and edit your memories of them.
Hopefully, you will only remember the good and forgive them their flaws.
Either way, it will be some time before you really understand the influence that parent had in shaping you.

DaisyLovesMetronidazole · 01/05/2011 18:15

I'm sorry for your loss.

However, yab a bit u. One can be grateful for someone, but still be annoyed with them from time to time.

Also, someone is not of worth simply by virtue of the fact that they are a parent.

I appreciate my parents. However, I do so because they are kind people and not because they are my parents.

Groovee · 01/05/2011 18:25

For me I'd much rather have my gran back, she was the mother my own mother should have been. I am sorry for your loss but you can't say we should all appreciate our parents more when our relationships with them are different.

cherryburton · 01/05/2011 18:27

YABU. Some parents are total arseholes and don't deserve appreciation.

I'm sorry for your loss though, and it's nice that you had a parent that you cared about and cared for you.

Hatesponge · 01/05/2011 18:32

YANBU. And am sorry for your loss.

I feel this sometimes- my parents died when I was in my early 20s - I was still a student when my mum died so she never even saw me at work. They also never got to see their GC (my 2 DSs) and as I'm an only child it means my DSs have no family on my side.

Whilst I entirely understand that some people have horrendous relationships with one or both parents, what annoy me are the petty posts you see from time to time where (for instance) someone's PFB has been given chocolate by the grandparents, resulting in the poster flying totally off the handle, causing row with parents, saying they won't see DC again etc. ones where there is a complete overreaction to the GP's action.

It's those posts which make me want to grab the poster, give them a hard shake and tell them to grow up, that none of our parents will be here for ever, and not to be so bloody ungrateful.

diddl · 01/05/2011 18:32

But being annoyed & venting on here is sometimes all it is, doesn´t always mean that a poster doesn´t appreciate & takes forgranted & doesn´t care.

ChocolateTeacup · 01/05/2011 18:41

Sorry for your loss,

But I hate my mother she stood bye and let abuse happen to me and she called me a slut and a liar when I tried to get her help

Change the title to Some people

I absolutely wouldn't be without my inlaws though, even though I may lose them soon :(

lubberlich · 01/05/2011 18:48

I am very sorry you are grieving.
I know that I am very lucky to have the wonderful family I do and I know other people aren't so lucky with their family relationships. But I also have friends who only truly understood the permanence of death once it happened - when it was too late to make amends. I understand why you feel sensitive about it.

Original poster

leedsgirl79 · 01/05/2011 19:27

Yes some people would have been much better. Sorry chocolate teacup.

OP posts:

Original poster

leedsgirl79 · 01/05/2011 19:30

I was also young when my dad died. In fact I was still a teenager. You are right hatesponge its the things they missed out on which hurts the most.

OP posts:

IloveJudgeJudy · 01/05/2011 20:41

YABabitU. If my DF had died 20 years ago I would have been sad, but since I have had my DC he's not been the nicest of people. He has also been really horrible to my DH and so I don't think I will be upset when he goes. However, I will be very upset when my mother goes.

If your parents have been lovely then I don't think you can understand how nasty some can be. Their awfulness can cast a long shadow.

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