to think people should appreciate their parents more.

[leedsgirl79]

Not referring to anyone in particular but see lots of threads where people are annoyed with things parents have done. As someone who has lost their remaining parent recently I would give anything to still have a parent. (however annoying they can be at times)
Obviously, I am a little oversensitive at mo.

Yabu

and the comments of "think yourself lucky you have a dad/mum" are patronising and out of line IMO

Did the op make that comment ENormasnob?

No redkate, another poster did.

Apologies op, that wasn't aimed at you at all.

sorry for your loss

its probably true that if you had or have normal loving parents that you would think like that

but yabu. some people are not so lucky.

I appreciate that some people are not so lucky and I am sorry if I have caused any offence. Yes, I am lucky to have had 2 caring parents but that actually makes losing them both so much harder. I an certainly not feeling very lucky at the moment.

you poor thing, losing a loved one is truly awful. no offence taken and none intended either, just different perspectives, but ive been clumsy in my last post, of course you should appreciate your loved ones, its just they are not always your parents.

when i lost my last remaining loved ones i felt quite abandoned.

I can see where the Op is coming from.

Yes, some people do have really abusive parents and that is a matter of its own.

But plenty of threads on here are slating parents who have done sod all wrong other than not conform to the parenting book that the poster has recently read.... and it really does sadden me to see the vitriol written towards the people who simply want to love their grandchildren.

A bit of chocolate or cake is not going to kill your child. A parent speaking to you as if you were still a teen is not worth having a hissy fit about (you ARE still their child, and will probably be exactly the same as they are when your own kids are adults)...

Trust me on this, once they are gone, you really do miss them, and you even miss the nagging.

I am so sorry for your loss. But not all parents are wonderful, or even normal, flawed, slightly annoying human beings. Some parents are bastards who don't deserve kids.

Mind you I worship my PILs, think I am very lucky to have them in my life teaching me what normal loving parents are like. My BILs and SILs grumble about them in a vague way, and I sometimes think 'think yourself bloody lucky'. But I think that is normal in a regular family so I keep my mouth shut.

YANBU. I've often felt just the same. Having lost my mum at 15, I'm just glad that my kids have a granny in my MIL and they have my dad as a grandad. Of course there are times when we don't see eye to eye, and I might have a moan, but they won't be around forever. I'd like to think most people have loving parents that did their best. Obviously some people have serious issues with their parents, but life's too short to get worked up over every little thing. In most cases, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Sorry for your loss leedsgirl

I am so sorry for your loss, leedsgirl.

I cried when I read your post. I am so lucky to still have my lovely parents, I will never forget the sacrifices they both made when I was growing up, we were poor but they tried their very best to make my childhood a happy one. I was sexually assaulted as a child and after telling a teacher -who dismissed my experience as fairytales - I didn't feel like I could tell my mum, in case she thought the same.

From that day, I have let them down constantly, I am pretty much a failure in all aspects of my personal life, yet they are always there. They are non judgemental, kind and just there for me. They don't know why I am quite so damaged, I find it extremely difficult to say the words I want to. I wish I could find it in me to tell them how much I love them and thank them for all they've done for me. I appear very cold and aloof but inside I'm a soft, soppy wreck. So many times I have tried to tell them and the words will not come out. I do appreciate them, and love them to bits and just wish I could say it before it's too late.

Wine, your post made me cry. Sometimes you don't need to say it for people to know you appreciate them. Op, sorry for your loss.

ENormaSnob I can only guess you are referring to me, if you had read my post you would see I said
"I have, so far, manged to resist all temptations to answer with an 'aren't you lucky to have a Mum?' type comment"; the reason being is that it would be insensitive, callous and thoughtless; all the things you hope not to see on the Bereavement board.

Your parents sound lovely Wine, you don't always need to find the words.

Wine Have you tried writing down the details of what you want to say and giving this to your parents? Perhaps this will help to break the ice if they read it when you're not there.

I think if you're lucky enough to have good parents you really can't take them for granted. No parents are perfect - I'm certainly not, and mine aren't, but I will miss them like crazy.

My dad has Parkinsons, I can see it eating him up a bit more every time he visits (they live abroad so about 3 times a year). My mum is his carer, I can see her becoming more tired and anxious all the time - and this is with them having the best possible support system money can buy around them, because there is a Parkinsons cluster where they live so services are brilliant.

I know I am going to lose them within the next 10 years and am dreading it.

DH has lost both his parents in the last 4 years and they too are a hole in our lives. I think the OP is trying to tell us all that if we have good parents we should savour every moment and forgive the foibles.

Wine I second writing it down. It could be very good for you as well as for them.