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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in objecting to this obvious sexism

185 replies

bibiane · 01/05/2011 14:35

I have been surfing the net in search of fishing trips to Puffin Island,Anglesey when I came across www. starida.co.uk which advertised fishing trips to the island. When I clicked on the Prices link I read this little gem - ' a family trip ideal for even MUM' ? Duh! To whose Mum they are referring I can't imagine. A victorian heroine of a gothic novel who swoons whenever she sets one dainty foot on a sea vessel perhaps?

My 11 yr old daughter took umbridge to this straight away and wanted to contact the company. I think an email to the North Wales Tourist Board is in order.
Is sexism alive and kicking in Wales?

OP posts:
Animation · 01/05/2011 23:22

Gorgeousx and Stewie - do you two need to get a room!

fit2drop · 01/05/2011 23:29

SGM how is Gorgeousx's post on here intended to hurt.
her opinion is that its not right that an 11 year old should post on the forum.
Not a bad opinion (IMO)
There is nothing provocative about her post here, just a simple and obvious observation that there is no control over what replies the youngster would get.
Personally I think 10pm is far too late for an 11year old to be up and not tucked up in bed but hey ho thats a whole new thread /debate/argument/flaming ....

but I see no intention of hurt here on Gorgeousx 's post

carminaburana · 01/05/2011 23:32

Agree with GX;

SGM - you're out of control you really are.

BeerTricksPotter · 01/05/2011 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HarrietSchulenberg · 01/05/2011 23:37

Missed most of this - popped out to do some real life stuff.

Lubberlich - I don't think it's a hard concept to grasp that if you don't challenge something then nothing will be done about it. Obviously you agree with the idea that silly little mothers would need some persuading to go on a fishing trip but I'm not a silly little mother and that particular statement makes me feel patronised. As it did the OP's daughter.

Granted, there are much bigger battles to fight in life than this one but if someone feels moved to make a stand then they should do it and be encouraged to do so, not derided because you or someone else thinks their views are not significant.

Won't be checking replies until tomorrow so apologies for not being able to carry on a coherent debate. Would love to say that I'm off to do something radical but the sad reality is that I have a hot date with a pile of ironing.

OP - sexism isn't alive and kicking in Wales but the North Wales Tourist Board does seem to have employed a jaded hack as its brochure writer.

bruffin · 01/05/2011 23:42

If my dd 13 got upset about something as stupid as this I would call her a silly little girl and would be quite happy for others to do so.

Knowing my niece she will go on to have her own business, she knows exactly what she wants in life and I am sure she has the resolve to get it. She is not the accademic type . She did not have the qualifications normally accepted for the course, but her tutor wrote to the university and asked them to take her and they accepted her subject to certain conditions which she went onto fulfill. As i said above it's the women who go about it quietly that are successful.

carminaburana · 01/05/2011 23:43

I know GX's posting history - she always comes across as very level headed and sensible ( although I'm sure she has her moments )
SGM I don't know that much about as I avoid the majority of feminism threads - but on the threads I have seen her on she is over-powering and usually talking complete shite.

HarrietSchulenberg · 01/05/2011 23:48

Can't start ironing without commenting on Bruffin's post:
Bruffin - your lovely niece was only able to go to college because some shouty women fought for their right to education 100 odd years ago.

And why is it acceptable for modern women to have to work extra hard to make it in a "man's world"? Shouldn't the world of work be accessible for both sexes? Seeing as it so clearly isn't, shouldn't we encourage people to campaign for workplace equality rather than discourage them by calling them "silly" like some Victorian patriarch?

BeerTricksPotter · 02/05/2011 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

heleninahandcart · 02/05/2011 00:38

It IS insidious sexism.

Yes, the majority of fishing trips probably have men on them, but is this really the way to encourage young girls/women? Would you feel it was acceptable if they were describing entrance to a gym? driving lessons? access to further education? All these things were described in similarly patronising terms as unsuitable for women just a few years ago...

SardineQueen · 02/05/2011 08:38

I am genuinely really shocked at what Bruffin has said to OPs daughter. What a horrible horrible person you must be.

Why are people so threatened by this? To the extent that they will say these things to a child around primary school age?

OPs DD saw an advert she objected to, she wants to write a letter to complain.

She has been called a "silly little girl" and that she will never get anywhere in life
Been told to get a life
Someone has said that they hope the company write back and tell her to get stuffed

What is the matter with you all? She is 11. She only wants to write a frigging letter!

Bruffin for your information many women who succeed in male dominated industries, or indeed any industries, are feminists! Supporting equal rights and opportunities for women does not automatically preclude you from any success in your life! Having a parent who belittles the things that you care about, and advises you to ignore any (illegal) sexism that you encounter and just suck it up, might well damage your life chances though.

This is a parenting website, seriously, the way some of you are behaving towards this is just mind-boggling.

SardineQueen · 02/05/2011 08:43

Bruffin if you are seriously happy for all and sundry to call your DD a "silly little girl" about things that she cares about then I can guarantee that you are doing her a lot of damage.

There is nothing worse for a child, and especially one your daughters age just coming into adulthood, than to be belittled, have your interests laughed at, being told that the things you care about are of no consequence, and to shut your mouth. If anyone called my children "silly little girls" for voicing an opinion about something when they were any age I would go mad. There's just no need for it.

SybilBeddows · 02/05/2011 08:56

I think it's really interesting that Bruffin's argument against complaining about sexism is based on her having a young relation who is currently succeeding in a man's world.
a lot of posters are going to read this with a wry smile and a 'been there, done that', I think. Because it is extremely common for our generation to not meet any obvious barriers in their career, no matter how male-dominated the career, until they have children, and THEN they discover that somehow the fact that they have been consistently outperforming men has suddenly stopped resulting in promotions.
and making sure that this doesn't happen to Bruffin's niece and her generation is exactly the reason why so many successful women I know are passionate about feminism.
OP's dd is spot-on in focusing on sexism against mothers, because the way older women are treated is key.

SardineQueen · 02/05/2011 09:11

Plus look at the really successful women out there. Have they got there by keeping quiet and keeping their heads down? No. Very successful people (of both sexes) are usually extremely confident, somewhat charismatic, and definitely not diffident.

Being submissive is not a quality that most companies find desirable in their leaders Hmm

rainbowinthesky · 02/05/2011 09:28

"silly little girl" - Jesus, if anyone refered to my daughter like this I would be fuming. Like feminism never happened. Nice to see the patriarchy is going strong, keeping girls in their place.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 02/05/2011 09:29

Good for your daughter! It's a small example of sexism and yes, there are bigger issues out there, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter. I think your daughter should absolutely write to them if she wants to. It doesn't need to be a massive ranting email, just a polite note.

StewieGriffinsMom · 02/05/2011 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aliceliddell · 02/05/2011 11:54

"It's the women that go about it quietly that are successful" Like Sylvia Pankhurst, you mean?

aliceliddell · 02/05/2011 12:00

The OP & dd ANBU, it is obviously sexist. Like, really obviously.

edam · 02/05/2011 12:02

Quite, Alice. If women had been 'quiet' about about getting equal pay, or the vote, or the right to keep your job when you marry none of these things would have happened!

Bruffin, your niece is standing on the shoulders of women who fought these battles. And at some point in her career, sadly, she is still likely to be confronted with sexism. Being meek and mild about it will not help at all.

thaigreencurry · 02/05/2011 12:03

Perhaps they were thinking of mums like me?

I have travelled, I have camped and I have roughed it so I know that getting back to nature isn't about glamour. However I had a mad moment a few years ago when we were on holiday in Pembrokeshire. We were off to skomer island to see the puffins and for some reason in my head I was imagining a big ferry type boat and a little island with sandy beaches and maybe even a couple of shops. Hmm I brushed off dh's suggestion that I was inappropriately dressed and caught the little boat to the rocky island of Skomer wearing a little denim skirt and big wedged shoes.

I was so embrassed when all the twitchers got on with their north face fleeces and alpine walking boots. I had to sit on a rock whilst dh and ds explored the island and I got pooped on by a seagull just to make me look even more stupid.

We all have our "moments".

edam · 02/05/2011 12:05

But it's the assumption that all women dislike fishing that is so insulting, thaigreen. Just because you weren't dressed appropriately doesn't mean every woman or most women will do the same!

thaigreencurry · 02/05/2011 12:08

Oh don't get me wrong Edam I do agree with you. The advert is sexist and it grates on me. The British Tourism industry is so behind the times, I'm always seeing adverts for British caravan parks that are so 1950's implying that because of their wonderful pub grub even Mum gets a night off cooking.

StewieGriffinsMom · 02/05/2011 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 02/05/2011 12:33

Yes, those ads are irritating. dh does the cooking round here! (I only cook when he's out. Although I do the washing up so it's all fair.)

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