Just a thought after realising I had it easy or so it would seem

[fit2drop]

I didn't, but the easiest part of my life was raising my children.

AIBU to think that (oh my God I dont believe I am saying this, I have officially turned into my mother) anyway I digress, AIBU to think that In my day we just got on with parenting. If a problem came up , we just did what felt right (usually the right answer) Health problems were discussed with the HV at the weekly visit to the clinic IF we went and no problem if we didnt.

However I think that these days there is such a deluge of books ,magazines ,DVDs ,info on the net etc etc, all contradicting each other about whats best for baby, mum, family, that any new mum these days is almost guaranteed to feel a failure before she even starts because the information is so bloody conflicting .

I feel lucky that I did not have access to so much info, My instincts saw me through with a bit of help from family and what I had learned without even realising it from my own parents and parental figures.

Far too many celebrities make themselves experts at parenting because they had a baby. WOWSIE FUCKIN WOWSIE.

How the hell the human species has managed to progress and continue for zillions of years without the professional advise and skills from all these "experts" is frankly fucking amazing!

back to basics is not a bad thing...is it?

Too much information has taken away our confidence in ourselves as good nurturing parents who know our own child better than anyone else.

Yes I am aware that its a changed world from when my babies were , well babies... but surely the basic parenting has always been the same.

I am not knocking people who now find they need support for various reasons, just think that if we did not have such an overload of conflicting "whats best for baby" these confused and perplexed overly anxious parents would be able to make a much easier and confident decisions for their offspring and stand by their decisions with pride not fear that they had done it right and looking over their shoulder because someone might mention that a lilac pram would/could be responsible for the baby having issues or that winding a baby was taking away its ability to take responsibility for its actions when it gets older (and yes tongue is firmly in cheek with last statement before anyone starts asking me where the hell I got that info from )

[dons asbestos suit and a voddy]

weekly visit to the HV at the clinic how lovely. I saw the HV one a month to 6 months, then at 11 months and then will see again at 2 and a half.

I'm 37 and can remember as a child the health visitor coming to visit at home!!!! when we were 3 or 4 years old

oh i think it's swings and roundabouts tbh

i do agree to a certain extent, but i also am really, really glad that places like this (and other sources of information) are around now because they have meant I have been able to do things i woulkdn't have otherwise... for example breastfeed my babies, which is very important to me, and if i had been stuck with a health visitor and my mother then i doubt any of them would have been BF

so i think it's good that mothers have access to a variety of sources of information.... as long as they realise that ultimately their choices are theirs to mkae

I think you're probably right, sorry to make you waste the asbestos suit!

DS1 I read everything and spent a lot of time thinking everything I was doing was wrong. Still haven't worked out the difference between tired, hungry and bored cries.

DS2 have just got on with things, if he's not been fed for a while he's probably hungry, if he's not slept for a while he's probably tired. He doesn't have time to get bored with DS1's constant toddler dramas

I kind of get what you are saying. I have often started aibu threads asking if I shouldn't/should have said/done something. We do worry more now about upsetting others and their dc's (not so much my own!).

HOWEVER, MN is a place where people come for support and clarification and I for one am glad I found it.

I couldn't catagorically say I'd have been a more confident mother 20 years ago - some people naturally aren't confident.

i mainly agree OP, no one seems to use any common sense anymore

some of the threads on MN are quite bewildering as to how that person manages to survive daily life without asking for advice on when to fart

Morph my eldest child is 37 , I stayed in the mat home for a week, had HV visit everyday until umbilical came off..then it was a weekly weigh in at the clinic to make sure she was thriving and putting on weight and discuss any probs I might have had. after about 3 months these visits were then done very infrequently and we had letters reminding us of vaccinatons etc.

I had all that too Fit2drop (apart fm the Maternity home!) and I am 38 with 6 year old and a 3 year old!

Our HV came daily for around 10 days....then I could go to the clinic if I wanted to.

I reckon it depends where you live.

thisisyesterday andhelium

Please don't think I am knocking MN or MNers who need to ask for advise. Im not , I guess I am querying our ability to make a desision without needing confirmation iykwim.

When I was a young mum , I was scared, I was worried, I had sleepless nights with very poorly babies, but i made most of my desisions by gut instinct, maternal instinct and probably several crossed fingers and they have all survived relatively unscathed and grown into level headed adults

i just read a variety of parenting books (gina ford/toddler taming/baby whisperer/UP books) along side talking to friends - and then just made an informed decision about how i wanted to raise my own children. Took the best bits from the best books. I've always found reflective informed parenting to really suit me and my family and of course it's still very instinctive to a large degree. Seeing as I really have only one shot at it, i want to do my best and for me this means having a bit of specialist knowledge under my belt. I know I'm a good parent and don't feel a failure while reading any books as i don't believe there is any one correct way to parent.

I get where you are coming from, but 1 of the biggest differences these days is that people move around so much more, so they often don't have their mothers/family closeby to advise (whether they want it or not)....

When my mum passed away when DD was 2, I did need MN to help me out with things that I knew nothing about. I've got Cod to thank for helping me with potty training DD so easily.

I agree that people need to have more confidence and not to worry so much especially about what other people think, but it definately helps to have to tools to do that. And places like MN or books give the tools when needed.

i'm just loving WOOSIE FUCKING WOOSIE

OP i pretty much agree to thine own self be true

Heifer I take your point on people move around etc.

But before the net and all the media hyping celeb mums as experts and all the books etc etc...

Many new mums didnt have a parent for support or anyone other than themselves.

I guess what I am saying is " yes its brilliant that you got the support you needed and I am not negating what COD did for you, but had there been no MN you still would have potty trained your DD,.... eventually

But i certainly agree with Southcoastsarah too about being at a loss as to understand how some posters (not just on this forum) manage to survive daily life when I read what they perceive as a major dilemma and in my younger mum world it is something that just needed a common sense response.

I don't think having access to information is a problem - you can always ignore it! Does anyone actually pay attention the sleb "expert" parents anyway?

I read a lot before I ha dmy first child and did learn some really helpful stuff BUT not as much as I have learned "on the job". Now we have 5 I feel like I know what I am doing most of the time, but I do still access information as it never hurts to hear another idea or point of view

I agree OP. I'd never actually heard of Annabelle Karmel, Gina Ford, Elizabeth Pantley until I got the internet in last year and came lurking on MN. I was totally blind to the benefits of BF and things like latch problems, mastitis, block ducts etc, because I didn't read up on them and was told these things by Dr's and HV's. I did read a folder (given to me by a friend) about stages of pregnancy, labour, birth (CS and natural) and post birth feeding options and HV checks up to 5 years old, but they weren't very detailed, just basics.

Seems a bit daft really, considering my kids are only 5 and 6yo, but they're fine, in good health and pretty well mannered.

I think that society changed with the industrial revolution.

Now we don't live with our parents and grandparents, with a community of people where we could watch how to do it.

I think yes parenting is big business. Parents are being bombarded with misinformation from large corporations. Children are being bombarded with advertising.

We are also surrounded with so many challenges that didn't face people a few hundred years ago and we can no longer trust our instincts. Our instincts don't always tell us the long-term impacts of particular forms of childcare, of watching tv, of new drugs. We don't know all of the challenges facing our children because when we were kids there weren't even mobile phones.

So I think that we do need to inform ourselves and others so that we get a balance.

fit2drop Oh thank God for common sense!

I am astounded that my children have survived and grown up well when I look on here sometimes and realise that I haven't pandered to their every whim. :)

I think you are right. I am an old mum - 42 when DS was finally born. I spent his first year just tormenting myself that I wasn't doing the "right thing" all the time. Finally it dawned on me that everything was just someone else's opinion and that I should go with my instinct. How much better life was after that little epiphany!

Depends in what you believe in. I don't 'do' celebs, couldn't care less what they dress their kids in / how quickly they lost their weight after birth / how big birthday party was. Neither did I read a lot of books. In the beginning I consulted the Dr Sears book on attachment parenting a few times as it resonates quite well with my line of thinking but now I just parent on instinct. Hardly ever saw the HV either. They popped around first few days after birth and were never seen again. But I like it that way.

So, I guess it depends on individual people on where they like to get their info from and what sort of lifestyles they lead. You dont have to get sucked into it all.

I agree and disagree with you. When my DS was born (11 odd years ago), I was a single parent (had been single since early on in pregnancy) and they didn't bother me one bit. Despite seeing me crying my eyes out, not having a clue what to do they still left me to it. I heard nothing from them. DC2 - my HV was bloody fantastic - left me to it but any stupid question I had, any support I needed she was there instantly (this was only 5years ago) but with DC3 it has been awful. I completely freaked out when DC3 was about 9weeks old (Iwas finding BFing hard going) my DH rang them for advice because I refused to feed him in fairness I was bonkers at the time and wanted advice on formula but they wouldn't discuss it with my DH, only me but I couldn't/wouldn't because I was bonkers - see previous so they were no bloody help whatsoever. I really do think its about having the right HV. If you have a good HV she is worth her weight in gold but if you have a bad one it is horrendous.

What do you think most people do? You think we're all such morons that we can't just parent our kids?
Do what feels right, seek advice when necessary...thats called life, I really have no idea what you are talking about, other than knocking other people.

Where am I knocking anyone. I am actually and have actually said that doing what feels right is usually the best way to go, was definitely the way to go when I was a young mum. My point is that I actually think there is far too much CONFLICTING info out there now for todays young mums to be able to make confident choices. TOO many pseudo experts. When actually parenthood is mostly about common sense and doing what comes natural.

I think HellNoSayItAintSo that accusing me of knocking other people is a little unfair as others reactions up thre is testament to. However if thats your opinion , fine , you aint gonna get a rise from me love , not at this time of night.
[cwink]

Again - I think the issue is far more that before the industrial revolution families lived with periodic epidemics and lack of food as well as the abuses of a feudal system. Often the challenge for families was simply keeping their children alive to adulthood without them developing any chronic health problems. It is obvious that in these situations the challenges families faced were much more basic than the challenges faced by parents to day. I think the environment was much more the issue than family or lack of family advice. Unless you were lucky enough to be born in a rich family.

Don't be a naif.

"in my day we just got on with parenting" translation: you silly women with your books and internet just don't get on with it.

There may be a lot of pseudo experts, what on earth makes you think we're all paying attention to them all and just so darned confused we can't function?

Shocker; nothings changed. We're just getting on with it, same as before. The cult of the expert and the baby manual is nothing new, as Dr Spock and Truby-King, to name just 2.
And get over yourself with you "in my day" bobbins.

HellNoSayItAintSo naif? sorry don't understand that .

But be a dear and go and throw your tantrum somewhere else that gives a shit.
You translate my words in a deliberate provocative way, no where have I called anyone a silly woman with books and Internet.

You my dear need to "get over yourself" and realise that not everyone reads malice in peoples posts. I never ever said ALL new mums were paying attention to the overwhelming amount of conflicting advise out there, but to be fair there is enough ridiculously banal and quite frankly absurd questions about parenting on not just this but many other forums that makes me despair of either (a) the intelligence of new mums or (b) the confusion of new mums .
I prefer to go for option B as I believe our younger generation do have it more difficult than I did when my babies were born.

I mean seriously seriously, how much confidence must these new mums lack to have to ask the advise of strangers before deciding what first shoes to buy for a pfb or what to do about the mess they cause through leaving colouring books on the floor, and that what neighbors think of them and their parenting are the most important thing in their whole fucking world?
Some people are so afraid to make their own choices because OMG a terrible thing ..... there's no one to blame but themselves.

Anyway any fat arse can fart an opinion ^^^ is mine ...excuse me

HSIAS I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Both my mum and I were 35 when we gave birth. Huge culture change - I've had it easier thanks to online groups, online shopping (mostly housebound for last 4 months of pregnancy), and most importantly the microwave and washing machine.

On her side, she didn't have the eternal paranoia about babies being kidnapped, reported to social services, or the media telling you how you MUST do XYZ. My dad heard about parent+child toilets recently and asked if I was actually worried about someone stealing my baby while I was in a toilet cubicle. I said no, but I was bloody terrified of all the women telling me I should be!

My parents didn't have any support from family so luckily Dr Spock was fairly sane as they followed it to the letter! Not that I've had that either but at least have friends with older kids to talk to.

The ability of midwives, HVs, doctors etc to visit at home and support seems much more limited nowadays, though back when prams couldn't go on buses and few people had cars I suppose it was more vital.