Just a thought after realising I had it easy or so it would seem

[fit2drop]

I didn't, but the easiest part of my life was raising my children.

AIBU to think that (oh my God I dont believe I am saying this, I have officially turned into my mother) anyway I digress, AIBU to think that In my day we just got on with parenting. If a problem came up , we just did what felt right (usually the right answer) Health problems were discussed with the HV at the weekly visit to the clinic IF we went and no problem if we didnt.

However I think that these days there is such a deluge of books ,magazines ,DVDs ,info on the net etc etc, all contradicting each other about whats best for baby, mum, family, that any new mum these days is almost guaranteed to feel a failure before she even starts because the information is so bloody conflicting .

I feel lucky that I did not have access to so much info, My instincts saw me through with a bit of help from family and what I had learned without even realising it from my own parents and parental figures.

Far too many celebrities make themselves experts at parenting because they had a baby. WOWSIE FUCKIN WOWSIE.

How the hell the human species has managed to progress and continue for zillions of years without the professional advise and skills from all these "experts" is frankly fucking amazing!

back to basics is not a bad thing...is it?

Too much information has taken away our confidence in ourselves as good nurturing parents who know our own child better than anyone else.

Yes I am aware that its a changed world from when my babies were , well babies... but surely the basic parenting has always been the same.

I am not knocking people who now find they need support for various reasons, just think that if we did not have such an overload of conflicting "whats best for baby" these confused and perplexed overly anxious parents would be able to make a much easier and confident decisions for their offspring and stand by their decisions with pride not fear that they had done it right and looking over their shoulder because someone might mention that a lilac pram would/could be responsible for the baby having issues or that winding a baby was taking away its ability to take responsibility for its actions when it gets older (and yes tongue is firmly in cheek with last statement before anyone starts asking me where the hell I got that info from )

[dons asbestos suit and a voddy]

ok. You're explaining how you're not being judgemental, by pointing out its only some young mothers who are dimwits. Well thats ok then.

I don't have any problem at all. You clearly do, you felt the need to start a thread pointing out that it was much better in your day, Well sorry grandma, thats what every generation thinks.

HNSIAS

Where have I said anyone is a dimwit?? Again YOUR perception and frankly says more about you .

Calling me grandma ... thank you , and yes I am to over 20 and very vey proud of it too also proud of my several great grandchildren too

Anyway Thank you for your input

notcitrus lots of valid points there , thank you .

I have written about it on another thread this weekend already, but not everyone has the instincts/common sense that are being glorified. My instinctive reaction to my DDs winding me up is to scream and shut them in another room or hit them (not smack. Hit.) Thanks to plenty of (usually daily) reading I keep the way I want to parent in the front of my mind.

Many mothers want to do things differently from the way they were parented for lots of different reasons, the wonderful amount of easily available information and opinion that there is available is so valuable.

Of course its my perception, whose else's could I have? And what it says about me is that I find people like you tedious, misguided, and plain old wrong.

Grandma is a state of mind, Ms it was all different in my day". My actual Grandma has far more sense than you and knows that today's mothers are in reality no different to any other generation, and wouldn't dream of being as rude as you.

HSIAS I gave you the benefit of the doubt, thinking you had an opinion and of course you are entitled to it.
What a shame you do not allow others the same courtesy,

If you read my post properly without looking for an argument you would see that I am actually saying that parents today are no different to any other generation(just that the experts and conflicting info is so rife and confusing )

sigh ... and I have never said it was all different in my day,So please stop misquoting me and deliberately taking my words out of context.
And where exactly have I been rude?

But I will say your grandma sounds a lovely lady, what a shame her grandchild did not inherit her intelligence and good manners.

I can't believe this thread has degenerated into a slanging match. People are allowed to have different opinions, surely we are all adult enough to impose them with the petty name calling?!

fwiw, I don't think the OP intended to be "holier than though", I just took it as more of a criticism of the "slebs" and other so called experts rather than of Mums "these days".

There are some threads you expect to get heated, but this one I really wouldn't have expected.......guess that's just MN for ya!

oh eff it - shouldn't have been trying to do 2 things at once!

Hopefully it's obvious I meant to say express not impose and without

DOH!

buggy My instinct is to bellow / run for the hills too.

When I had DS 4 yrs ago I had no idea what I was doing, my instinct was shot to pieces. I didn't have anyone to help me so I got it all from books. I had barely been around any babies and no one in the family had had any babies in donkeys years so it was new to everyone (and all my family were at work anyway so couldn't help much). Books were a lifesaver for me.

fit2drop. I brought up my DS1 (and pfb) using Gina Frd. We're both still going through therapy and so when it comes to 'get the fck on with it' attitude, I couldnt' agree with you more.

HAVING SAID THAT.... all three kids were totally easy as pie births, no complications, and I suspect that if some women felt it necessary, at least they do have places to turn to. And I don't think that the family GP is as helpful on the whole, as they might have been. I remember our GP from when I was a kid - he was amazing, and I've never found one similar, or one so full of common sense since...

Oh, a very fence-sitty response, but on the whole, YANBU.

Thank you zest01

and as for guess that's just MN for ya!

yep, hence my asbestos coat in the initial post. I have been pleasantly surprised that I have not (as yet) needed it

What has been refreshing though is everyone (well apart from HSIAS) has been respectful even if they don't agree and have put forward very valid reasons as to why they believe todays young mums do need/ read/ want/expect/depend on various ways of obtaining supportive info .

Its food for thought for me, but I still think I was lucky to not have been bombarded with nor have access to excessive info, it made my parenting days easier.

I would hate seeing a hv weekly.

Do I count as one of todays young mums at 41?

My (well, DH's) family look at me with bemusement when I do / try and explain my reasoning for doing, things that I do. They are very much "a mothers instinct is correct". But to me this just translates to "why don't we do things exactly the same as we did in 1970?"!!!! And a lot of the HV's seem to be getting their information from 30yrs ago too. If I took my family's advice I'd have been putting rusks in DS's bottle at 3 months, leaving him to cry when he won't sleep, and would be very concerned that he didn't sleep through from 6 weeks (WTF????). I very much doubt I'd still be BF him now at 18mnths.

I fully admit that I'm not a "natural" mother, it hasn't come easily to me at all, so having the internet and books to refer to has been invaluable. My instincts have helped me choose what type of parenting I want to do. I also like that I can be more up to date that the HV's on, for example, weaning advice.

I'm often told "well mine grew up ok" and I don't disagree with that, (most of the time ) but it seems sad that other areas of our lives are allowed to be improved by increased knowledge and understanding (the internet, anyone?), but parenting is supposed to stay the same whatever decade we are in.

Meglet and Buggy don't get me wrong my instinct when I saw my first baby was oh my god what have I done, I am now responsible for this little human for the next 18 years at least and every instinct in me was to get the fuck outa there... but my common sense, or reality or whatever it was kicked in and my flight or fight or whatever it was turned to fight, so I stayed with it .Because there was no other option.
I had not even heard of Gina ford until I started using forums just a few years ago and as for spock... never heard of him either until after my third child was born by which time my way was tried and tested and seemed to work for me so if it aint broke ya don't mend it do ya.

Hmmm, I think this is really interesting. My DS is nearly 6 months. I have had loads of support from my Mum and cousins who have young children. However I have found that they are much more pushy about parenting the right way than anyone I've spoken to on here. I love the fact that I can post a query on here and get a variety of opinions that I can choose from. I also think that places like MN have sadly replaced the support that used to come from the midwives and HVs. My antenatal classes consisted of two 90 minute sessions during which we were given basically a GCSE level explanation of what happens during labour followed by some info on how to prepare for having a baby by having food in the freezer and taking advantage of any help offered. I had a Caesarian section and was discharged from hospital after 48 hours having not been shown how to get my son to latch on, how to bath him, how to care for his umbilicus or anything. Since then I have had one HV visit at home and been told to come to the clinic once a week for the 1st 6 weeks and once a month thereafter to have him weighed. At the clinic everyone queues up together and the babies are weighed in the same room - there's no privacy to discuss any issues you might be having. Consequently I find MN invaluable. I have had to find out all sorts of information by myself - most of it from places like mumsnet. I think today's mums' experiences are different from my Mum's generation's in lots of ways. Having said that I am sometimes amazed at some of the posts on here and wonder how some MNers manage to get dressed in the morning without hoards of helpers on hand with advice.

Icoulddoitbetter

Three of my babies were born in the 70s. never had a rusk in their lives, but I was weaned on them and cod liver oil tablets fgs!!

Mothers all over the world have done it right (for them and their way)since time began, the fact we are still here is testament to that isn't it.
and I have every confidence that todays new mums will continue to do so. Its just so sad that the torrent of information could lead to disturbing low confidence and self esteem issues, making parents second guess their beliefs and choices which is a shame.

Betty thank you , your theory that MN for you almost replacing the HV role in a positive way is interesting . It would appear from your post that mums today certainly do have a different experience to when I was a new mum and I accept that and know that from my own children having kids in a totally different environment and after care than what I had as a new mum.
But I still think too much info from self imposed experts is a negative for todays new mums. Of course they can discard the crap , or what they feel is crap but there seems to be so much pressure on new mums to do it this way or this way or that way and the right way....thats added pressure on what is already an incredibly emotional time for any new mum. The younger mums (much younger) especially are in all liklihood to be influenced by the celeb side of things .(yes thats a generalisation and assumption which I am happy to be flamed for)
Its worrying

it is as it has always been. some people (usually not parents) write books on how to Do It Right.

Then everyone (seemingly) lambasts new parents with advice, some culled from their own experience, others quoting verbatim from parenting manuals. This is nothing new (the earliest parenting manual i can think of? The Bible.)

There are HVs and other professionals that you can access if you wish (it has always been optional, how that 'optionality' has worked has varied - My Mum stopped having any truck with HVs after geting repeated doses of crap advice that she ignored anyway, My current HV is a gem, though i only see her when there's a need) But how good they (Hvs, MWs Gps) are will depend on whether the individual person in the job is any good, and how able you are to access them.

It has ever been thus. There is no such thing as a guiding 'instinct', people learn how to parent from others, - as proved by the way it varies so much from culture to culture what is considered 'right'. Someone will always tell you you are doing it wrong!