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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or do I have anger issues? Response to being kicked in the face...

66 replies

cherryburton · 30/04/2011 19:59

My 2.8 year old this evening booted me in the face (with his bloody shoes on!) whilst I was trying to get him changed. It wasn't really an accident, he's being a really violent little get at the moment and am at my wits end with what to do with him.

Anyway, that aside, I find that when I get hit/kicked/bit I get incredibly angry and have to go off somewhere else to calm down/kick something. I don't mean I get angry and want to retaliate at whoever did it - like tonight, I didn't want to hit my son back or anything (obviously!) but I do have to go off and release some tension by swearing/shouting/whatever.

Is this fairly normal or do I have underlying anger issues? How do most people respond to being kicked in the face? [chmm]

OP posts:

rosie1979 · 30/04/2011 22:46

the behaviour of children today comapred to years ago seems in great decline

I really do not agree! Why were there borstals, approved schools ect? There have always been problems in society but we are more open about them nowadays.

There are awful things happening, gun crime ect but post war there was a HUGE gun problem - there was an infamous case in the early 50's where a 16 year old shot a policeman in Croydon and it turned out half his class at grammer school carried guns.

I dont see how smacking your kids will improve society, all it is just lazy parenting.

Cat98 · 30/04/2011 22:46

I think a lot of you are not giving 2 year olds enough credit for what they can actually grasp. But that aside - so it's ok to hit them because they might not understand an explanation? Is this the same with a cat/dog then? You can whack them? A baby? Nonsense. During their formative years especially they need patience, understanding and accepting. And it does not just work on paper - capital punishment is proven to be an ineffective deterrent. I wonder why?!

sickoftheholidays · 30/04/2011 22:50

btw, I was smacked as a child, and I'm not angry. If I crossed the line, I got a smack, yes it hurt, and yes, it worked. Time out wouldnt have worked on me, I was a daydreamer and sitting on a step doing nowt but daydream for 5/10 minutes would have been no punishment at all for me. Same for being sent to my room, I would just sit and read a book, again, not really a punishment. The threat of a sore arse on the other hand was a very effective weapon in my parents arsenal.

worraliberty · 30/04/2011 22:53

rosie I'm not talking about crime, I'm talking about attitude..back chat and kids thinking adults are not their superiors...particularly in the classroom.

I'm not saying we should return to years ago when a lot of kids were terrified of their teachers and parents (especially their Dads) but I think on the whole, the pendulum has swung FAR too much in the other direction.

rosie1979 · 30/04/2011 22:53

"an effective weapon" what lovely terminology. One I would prefer my dc's dont link in relation to my parenting when they are adults.

Cat98 · 30/04/2011 22:54

'in my parents arsenal'.. It's not a war! Think 'working with' not 'doing to'. I am not a fan of time out either, but it's got to be better than using your power to hit your child. i was smacked too, and i'm not angry either, but I know it didn't make me respect my parents for doing it. Not in the long run. And my natural reaction even as an adult is to lash out. Because I was smacked? Maybe.

rosie1979 · 30/04/2011 22:55

worraliberty i hear what you are saying re: backchat ect but would never accept this from my dc's. Just do not think you have to hit them to get them to be respectful.

worraliberty · 30/04/2011 23:01

'Hit' is not the right word here..it conjours up the wrong image of what a short sharp 'smack' actually is.

Re the 'effective weapon'...the naughty step is a weapon as is the removal of toys/privileges etc.

It's all about power and the child learning quickly what is acceptable behaviour and what is not.

It doesn't bother me in the slightest how other people choose to parent their children. I have 3 very well adjusted, very polite boys and that's all that matters to me.

hmc · 30/04/2011 23:01

I was also smacked as a child - it left me with huge anger issues in contrast to you sickoftheholidays. For a long time if someone pissed me off my learned response was the whack them - how I didn't get an assault charge in my younger years I don't know! I've had to work very hard at controlling it

hmc · 30/04/2011 23:02

Oh and I really struggle with my parents! (lots of simmering resentment here)

sickoftheholidays · 30/04/2011 23:03

Rosie, cat, I LOVE my parents dearly, but I know I was a little sod (my opinion not theirs) and they really did struggle to keep my behaviour under control, I have always been strongwilled and opinionated, and the methods they used to discipline my 2 sisters had no effect on me. The remark I made was tongue in cheek, sometimes it was a war with me doing my best to get my own way and do what I liked, and my parents trying desperately to keep me on the straight and narrow path. Whatever they did must have worked though, as I'm a model citizen now, and I have the utmost respect and gratitude for their efforts in bringing me up.
I do work with my kids, and the only thing I'm doing to them is instilling a sense of social responsibility and establishing standards of behaviour that I consider acceptable.

Cat98 · 30/04/2011 23:08

But you can do all that without hitting them! Do you not believe that at the end of the day, nost children will copy what they see? It's no coincidence that some of you who were smacked are repeating this with your own children. Honestly, not saying everyone who was smacked turns into a violent disrespectful person, but logic dictates that you can't expect it to give your children any sense of morality. You may as well be training a dog. Pavlov, anyone?

worraliberty · 30/04/2011 23:19

And teaching a child to 'sit and stay' on a naughty step isn't similar to training a dog??

Cat98 · 30/04/2011 23:25

Oh I think it is worraliberty. I don't use the naughty step. But that is personal preference - smacking, on the other hand, is illegal in 22 european countries and it is illegal in the uk if you leave a mark.. To me it is a completely unacceptable thing to do to another person. Especially one smaller than you who depends on you for guidance.

worraliberty · 30/04/2011 23:47

Fair enough and that's your perogative when it comes to raising your own children. It's all about what we as parents personally feel is the right thing to do.

smokinaces · 01/05/2011 00:07

OP, I can sympathise. My 2 DSs sound like they are similar ages to yours and they are a nightmare at the moment. DS1 last week punched me, kicked me and threw a rock at me. Still trying to get to the bottom of that one!

I do very occasionnally smack my children. But even I would say smacking in this instance doesnt sit right with me. I dont understand trying to teach them to curb their anger and not physically hurt but smacking. But then again I am trying not to smack at all at the moment, in case thats why DS1 is lashing out that way.

Walking away works here, as does cancelling whatever they were looking forward to (which works with DS2 as well who's just 3) So does telling them the truth - "Mummy is very hurt and upset with you, you have made her very sad" and then naughty step seems to have some response here.

But no magic answers sorry!

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