Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is DH?

45 replies

Cat98 · 30/04/2011 11:59

We are going to a bbq tomorrow, just a small one. Just us and one other family invited.

The host family are "vegetarians" (they do eat fish but not meat - they are bringing their DCs up like this too).
They have said that we need to bring whatever we want on the bbq. I think it would be rude to turn up with meat and then expect them to cook it. I was going to suggest bring veggie stuff anyway. DH thinks I am being odd and that it is absolutely fine to turn up with, say, burgers, and give it to them to cook for us.

Who is bu?

Thanks!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 30/04/2011 12:00

You are both being unreasonable for not picking up the phone and asking them Hmm

theagedparent · 30/04/2011 12:01

You could take a disposable bbq to cook the meat on so it doesn't go near the veggie stuff.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 30/04/2011 12:02

Have to agree with worraliberty - easily sorted out by speaking to them!

nickelbabe · 30/04/2011 12:02

yes, just ring them.
say, would we be alright to being meat or would you prefer us to bring veggie food?

if they've only got one grill, they might not want you to bring meat.

compo · 30/04/2011 12:02

Lol at worral, she's right though, send them a text 'is meat a no no?'

HalfPastWine · 30/04/2011 12:02

Although veggies themselves, as they have invited you they may well have bought some meat for you and other none veggies.

I agree with DH, take some with you. If they can cook it away from their food then great. If not, then I'm afraid you may be stuck with Vegetarian food.

PollyDecker · 30/04/2011 12:03

Phone and ask which they'd prefer!

Original poster
Cat98 · 30/04/2011 12:06

But they might not want to say no if we ask them, even if they are thinking we are being rude! I feel awkward asking, that's why I'm asking you guys for opinions!

OP posts:
PollyDecker · 30/04/2011 12:07

But we're not them, so we cannot possibly tell you what they actually think Confused Grin

It would be the polite thing to do to call them up and ask. That isn't rude in the least, really.

worraliberty · 30/04/2011 12:09

This is ridiculous! Why would they feel awkward answering a simple question?

It's only food you're discussing, not their bedroom habits Grin

IAmTheCookieMonster · 30/04/2011 12:10

I would take "bring what you want for the bbq" to mean, if you particularly want meat then bring your own. Ring them and ask!

Original poster
Cat98 · 30/04/2011 12:11

I've texted and asked them.
Is it really ridiculous to worry about offending people? Genuine question :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Cat98 · 30/04/2011 12:11

Iamthecookiemonster - would you think that that means we should cook our own meat if we bring it? Grin

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 30/04/2011 12:12

Phone.

I should think they are expecting the other families they have invited to bring their own burgers which is why they said bring what food you want.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 30/04/2011 12:12

also, they eat fish so i would guess that they don't eat meat because they don't like it, not because they are ethically opposed to eating dead animals.

worraliberty · 30/04/2011 12:12

No, but it's ridiculous to think such a normal question would offend someone. It's only food we're talking about Smile

Original poster
Cat98 · 30/04/2011 12:13

But food does offend lots of people - you only have to read mn to realise that! (recent example off the top of my head.. the free range egg thread!)

OP posts:
PollyDecker · 30/04/2011 12:13

No it is not ridiculous to worry about offending people. It is a very considerate thing to do.

But in this case there was nothing offensive about picking up the phone and calling them. I cannot think of a single reason why anyone would be offended to be asked.

Original poster
Cat98 · 30/04/2011 12:14

I suppose I'm just imagining the thread "we invited friends to a bbq, they know we are veggie, they turned up with meat and expected us to cook it for them! Rude?"

OP posts:
Original poster
Cat98 · 30/04/2011 12:14

Pollydecker - because they might feel they have to say it's fine when actually they are not comfortable with it, and would rather we were just considerate and brought veggie food!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 30/04/2011 12:15

But really MN doesn't always represent 'normal' people...just folk letting off steam and posting a load of PC nonsense to pass the time Grin

Honestly, I wouldn't even have sent a text. I would consider it more polite to actually speak to the hosts.

Original poster
Cat98 · 30/04/2011 12:16

Too late worraliberty.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 30/04/2011 12:16

I suppose I'm just imagining the thread "we invited friends to a bbq, they know we are veggie, they turned up with meat and expected us to cook it for them! Rude?"

That's exactly why you should phone and ask, surely? Confused

PollyDecker · 30/04/2011 12:18

See, now we're going to get into the "AIBU to think friend should have phoned rather than texted me about bringing meat to my bbq when she knows I'm a veggie?" debate.

Cat, YWNBU to ask. YWBU to do so by texting Smile

Carrotsandcelery · 30/04/2011 12:21

I am a vegetarian and I would not personally cook meat on my bbq. If a friend brought their own disposable bbq and cooked the meat well away from me then I wouldn't be offended but it is not very sociable.

Could you not make some Halloumi, red onion and pepper kebabs (to serve inside a pita bread maybe) and add them to the feast? Or some meat free but meat style burgers or sausages if that is what your family prefer. It would be a good experience for your dcs to consider doing a bbq a different way. That way you could share your food with the hosts as well.

As they eat fish they may well be far less offended by the idea of meat on their bbq though.

I wouldn't feel offended by someone asking but I would feel awkward saying, "No, you can't bring meat." I would find it hard to understand the need to for just one meal.

I hope you have a great time. Smile