To ask you honestly, if you think are circumstances are such that we could afford three children??

[twoorthree]

DH and I are seriously considering a third DC at the moment. I REALLY want another one, but honestly, I don't know if we'd be more sensible financially to stop at two.

Have namechanged, am going to give our exact financial circs and would be grateful if you could give your opinion on whether or not we should stop at two (based on financial circs alone, as in all other areas we are very keen to go ahead).

We live in the SE

• Have a mortgage of 175k on a house worth 250k
• DH earns 43k a year
• For now I am a SAHM (when I gave up work my full time salary was 40k a year, I hope to go back to p/t employment at a lower salary when the DC are in schooL)
• We have savings to dip in to day to day of circa £15k
• No debt
• DC both have trust funds set up by DH parents (no idea of what is in them but apparently enough to put them through Uni). We have never asked for this, or been consulted on this so kind of in the dark here.

Live in a 4 bed house.

People who are low earners with no savings have three children so having read your 'list' I think you can comfortably afford a third. I think you knew the answer already.

Well, a little one won't cost much more in the short term, and in the long term you would expect to be earning more than you are now? Right? Esp if you are not working now but were well paid before and planning to go back to work at some point in the not too distant future.

Go for it.

I keep feeling that I need someone's 'permission' to have another one. I mentioned to my MIL that we thoguht we may have a third and she said "can we afford it?" in a very snooty away, as though she was financing our entire lives.

They've set up the trust funds for your two existing children. I realise you didn't ask them to but maybe they did what they saw as their job. And she thought 'job done', but now you're suggesting a third child.

Think of this from her point of view, what should she do regarding a trust fund for a third child? Set one up, that could make her feel put upon as they made a decision based on you having two children. Not set one up and let their 3rd grandchild miss out. Redistribute what they'd put in the funds into 3 not 2 pots (if possible to do)?

I'm not commenting on the wrongs or rights of any of this, just her possbile thoughts & why her initial reaction was snooty.

That of course should be possible thoughts [cblush]

Totempole, isn't it weird for the MIL to assume she knows how many grandchildren there are going to be?!

Maybe she should have actually found out before setting up secret trust funds behind people's backs!

On that salary you probably get around £2500 pm. Mortgage perhaps £1300 pm. Council tax I'd guess at £200 pm. I assume there is no childcare at all.

I think you could afford it but try not to dip into your savings as a matter of course as you never know when you might be thrown a curve ball.

riddlemeree, I think it's strange to do it and not discuss it with the parents. But, as I said above, maybe they saw it as their job and did it automatically without thinking.

I think you should take my third child as we are nothing near as secure as that!

YEs, sorry totempole, my message came across a bit arsey towards you and I didn't mean it to.

I'm touchy, I think, as I have three and have family who assumed for no good reason we'd only have two. And this sounds very similar to me, just think it sounds a bit weird and controlling, as though the in-laws can think they decide how many children there will be.

No it's ok, I see what you mean.

yes of course you can afford it. you mainly would feel the tightening of the purse strings while kids were really young. we have three kids on 40k and 160k mortgage. we run two oldish cars and have done lots of serious work to the house . we camp or take cheap holidays. we eat well and i can still pay for odd treats and for the kids to do extra out of school activities. as long as you can enjoy your time together and you have lots of love to go round - what more do you need? in ten years time would you regret not having a third?

It doesn't make much sense to say that the OP couldn't predict her db would have had children yet simultaneously say that she shouldn't have a third child because "what if everyone did?".

I think there's been quite a lack of compassion about the OP's loss of her db. To lose your only sibling - or have an only sibling with mental health issues or serious SN etc- is bound to colour a person's opinions of how a family with more children may be more "protected" from the vicissitudes of life. My MIL often says to me that I should have three "because that way if one of them died, the other two would have eachother". Needless to say she has experienced too much grief in her life . I think the OP's desires and anxieties are very natural.