AIBU?
Sorry another food one.
heliumballoons · 29/04/2011 19:30
This is a genuine one where I'm not sure.
Day out today with friend and her dc's.
We both took a packed lunch for ourselves and dc's. I took what my DS and I would eat but with a little on top in case of extra hunger or others wanting to try some.
So get out lunch and all eating sandwiches. Friend like me has a large bag of crisps all dc's like and says you can all have some, and dishes them out. I laugh and say 'oh well, we'll have to eat the large bag I bought' We both laugh and I open the prawn crackers. Her yougest (5.8) shoves (its hard to explain but its done with an air of attitude) her hand it and takes some crushing lots of them.
After sandwiches and crisps I give my DS his tub of raw veg, breadsticks and some soft cheese. (its his favourite). Her youngest says 'oh cumcumber' and grabs 4 of the 8 pieces in there and scoops out a load of cheese. Friend says 'please ask don't grab'. She then askes if she can have some and I say of course but check with DS before having more as its his lunch and he may want it.
Then I get out the grapes and cheese tub and offer it across the table to DS and she puts her hand in and grabs (so hands in it all) some cheese. Told by friend 'you need to ask please, and you haven't eaten the other things you've taken'.
DS takes what he wants and youngest asks for some. I say she can and I'll save her some but she has not eaten her sandwiches (from mum) or other stuff she took'. She'd eaten only 1/2 of 1 of the 4 bits of cumcumber and 1 of the 6 breadsticks.
So she bounces around, kicking DS chair and being annoying.
I'm chatting to my friend and then her DC says shes eaten 1 bit of cumcumber and 1 breadstick. I praise her and offer her some cheese with a nice explanation that she can have some of mine/DS but its not fair to take our lunch and then not it eat it but take more.
After she's eaten the cheese her sibling (7.4) pipes up 'X threw her cumcumber under the table' and as I glace down I catch my friend 'shushing' her.
BTW my friend bought lots of food of which her (youngest)DC ate only the crisps of and we had both bought a sweet item with enough for all the dc's.
WIBU or should I join the food police. 
needafootmassage · 29/04/2011 19:42
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heliumballoons · 29/04/2011 19:43
She has a major sense of entitlement - just wish it wasn't about DS lunch - especially if she's going to throw it on the floor. I think my bugbear was the sifly appeoach of just repeatedly saying 'please ask' but no enforcement of being polite or eating what you take. I was 
when friend said (excuse making I think) 'oh she doesn't really like sandwiches and would much prefer what you bought DS'.
Yes they do eat a lot but they had walked about 2 miles by then so were hungry. They all add fish and chips from the chippy and a film to end the day.
Our picnics are fun and we always provide enough for all dc's when it comes to treats. EG I took French fancies so made sure there was box so everyone could have one and friend took a packet of chocolate biccies.
heliumballoons · 29/04/2011 19:46
compo I agree with sharing. And I'm happy to do so - and would expect DS to share when he has a tub of veg/cheese. But there was 5 of us and her DC grabbed 1/2 the cucumber!. Thats not sharing and what pissed me off tbh
Jeez now I sound like a spoiled brat. 
worraliberty · 29/04/2011 19:49
No you don't sound like a spoilt brat. I think you handled the whole thing really well.
At least you voiced your point. A lot of people would have seethed in silence and then spent their time moaning about it once the child and parent had gone.
It's a shame the Mum wasn't more strict though.
heliumballoons · 29/04/2011 20:00
We do parnet differently - but are best friends and I wouldn't let these 'moments' get in the way of that for all the tea in China. I know she gets a bit 
and seems to rely on the fact DS is strange prefers veg/ fruit that I'll provide it.
My friend and I also had some btw, there was enough, to be shared between others.
heliumballoons · 29/04/2011 22:12
usual I know and accept that, and as I said wouldn't let this come between our friendship. I was OK with her taking food but not when shes taking it (half of the food for 5 people), not eating it, taking more and then throwing it on the floor.
Believe me I wish I had the money to provide a banquet of food that ends up mostly going to waste.
Anyone got any ideas of how I can stop this happening again? Should I maybe take this girl a little tub of her own as I know she likes it that much. That way she gets what she likes, DS gets a fair share of his own lunch, and the whole thing becomes more enjoyable.
Lucy88 · 29/04/2011 22:33
Next time this happens - and she wants some of the food you have brought - just put one peice of everything on her plate. Don't let her grab. My Nephew does this - takes load of my DS's food and then doesn't eat any of it. This is after licking it and messing about with it.
If he wants something, I insist on him saying please, or he doesn't get it and then I put the food on his plate. He gets told, that if he eats what is on his plate, then he gets some more. If he doesn't eat it then he doesn't get anymore. My sister, as much as she is lovely, allows him to grab and then just mess with food, so I set the rules and thats the way it is.
He Nephew has got a lot better, as he knows what is acceptable and what isn't.
heliumballoons · 29/04/2011 22:55
There wasn't any 'put on table' stuff bought by my friend. The crisps she doled out and also the biscuits. The veg/dip was for DS but there was enough for others to take a bit (as I made sure)
The 7 yo doesn't eat fruit/veg so not really an issue as such. (except raw carrot which she declined when DS offered).
I really hope it was excitement - but its something about the looks and mannerisms that show its more 'I can and will do this' than an impulse. (iyswim)
Do others think I should do her her own for future picnics. Or maybe do a tub for DS and then another for sharing. My main concern is he gets a fair look-in over his own lunch. 
I really don't want it to become an issue but also don't think my DS should have his food doled out to him just to stop others grabbing it.
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