To take my 2 children to an appointment at the fertility clinic?

[ilikeyoursleeves]

I have an appointment at a fertility clinic at a hospital next week, to discuss what we want to do regarding our frozen embryos. Ds1 was conceived 4 years ago from ivf, then ds2 came along after as a natural miracle. We were lucky enough to get frozen embryos from the original ivf so we need to decide whether we want to try a frozen transfer or let the embryos 'perish'.

Dh can't come to the appointment due to work, so i'd have to go myself. And as childcare is an issue, i'd need to take the boys with me, I think anyway! But I remember feeling a bit uncomfortable seeing kids with people at the clinic, like it was rubbing it in my face that they had kids & I didn't? On the other hand, I also found it to be quite hopeful though, that the ivf could work like it had for those people.

So I'm in a dilemma, what would you do?

I think I might rebook it for a time when I could get a babysitter.

I have spent a lot of time in the IVF clinic and wasn't offended by this at all, nor was my sister (but I was a hopeful surrogate rather than suffering problems), there were pictures of newborn babies all over the walls which I thought much worse!

I wouldn't, the fact that so many people there are desperate to have their own kids, and probably feeling vulnerable, better not to take yours.

It is very kind of you to consider other peoples feelings. I would suspect there would be more people finding it hard to see children there - and also a bit about why you are there when you clearly have children - than those seeing them as a sign of hope.

Are the children mature enough to understand what you will be discussing? I think that needs to be thought through and then you should be able to make your decision more easily.

In an ideal world, women undergoing IVF should be happy for others for whom it has worked and be glad to see their children - it's proof that it does indeed work and there is light at the end of the tunnel. However, many will find it hard to be around children especially since they're probably shot full of hormones too which make you less than rational (they made me into an irrational emotional harpie!). When I was being treated, I knew how I SHOULD feel about babies in the waiting room, but it did sting. Also when my DTs were born, as we were taking them home from hospital I took them to see the nurses in our Assisted Conception Unit to thank them. They did request that out of respect for ladies still under treatment that I didn't take them into the waiting room, they came out to meet us further down the corridor.

If you can find childcare, I would.

Don't you want your DH there anyway? Surely it's his decision too. Could you reschedule for a time when he can go along and you can find a babysitter?

I would get a babysitter or change the appointment to a more suitable time.

gut instinct: dont' take them - find another time that is more convenient.

It's very kind that you are thinking of other people's feelings, but aren't you a bit worried about your children hearing that discussion? Also, agree with poster who said that you probably want your husband there as part of the discussion?

Please don't take them. It can be quite distressing when you really feel as if you have no hope and someone has children there. Obviously children aren't quiet and that does bring more attention to them.

Surely it makes more sense to go when your DH can go too.

I would get a baby sitter.

Please don't take them. It doesn't really give the hope you might think it does - it'll feel like a slap in the face to many in there.

Don't take your children, get a babysitter. You can get temp nannies very easily so there's no need. Apart from it being inappropriate, this is a serious, considered conversation you need to have and you're not going to be able to concentrate if you're trying to look after 2 kids aged 4 and under

i've been to a fertility appointment and seen a young child there. It was fine by me. There was only a slow stream of people in the waiting room - 3 max.

nice that you as a women with children would even consider this, so many 'able bodied fertile women' seem oblivious and it wouldn't come into their heads. as an infertile women pls don't take them. i have had a fair few failed treatments and know the pain of sitting in a waiting room pumped full of shite to see a women sat their with her children, hits quite hard actually and have over the years had many other women in same situation say the same thing, thanks for thinking about it

Do you really have to ask this question?

Don't take your kids.

I've taken my DD to my fertility appointments due to lack of childcare. The clinic I attended shared a waiting room with the general gynae clinic though, so there were all sorts of people there, including other children and old ladies.

Rearrange for another time. Don't take them. :)

Another voice to the chorus - I wouldn't do it. Not just because it is like a slap in the face to infertile couples, but also because you really need to have a serious conversation, and IME it is impossible to concentrate for on anything with two small children in a child-unfriendly place. Mine would be wound up enough just from the hanging around in the waiting room. Plus a four-year old is big enough to listen in on the conversation and take a lot of it in. Would you want it repeated to all and sundry (with pre-schooler misinterpretations thrown in)?

This thread has really taken me back, by the way. I hated the fertility clinic waiting room with a passion. Couples desperately trying not to catch each others' eyes, all locked in our own private misery. And wondering what horrible revelations were going to be revealed next. :(

I wouldn't. Just like I don't take my uber-verbal toddler to her brother's child development clinic appointments, because the speech therapist clinic is on at the same time and I've reasoned that if there's one time you don't want a 3-year old chattering away in the waiting room, it's before a speech therapy appt for your non-verbal child.

Not slap in the face!! There are literally hundreds of pictures on the wall of our clinic of success stories for couples-patients of the clinic. It very heart-warming. No problem for me at all. More an issue whether you can have a meaningful conversation, but as it depends on you and your dcs, only you can decide.

I've had to take my toddler DS to fertility clinic appointments - the scans for the treatment I'm currently having can be nearly daily and I am a SAHM and don't have childcare for him. He was ivf himself and I am trying for a sibling for him. I am very aware of the other ladies there and do try to keep him as quiet as possible. If it was a one off situation like yours I would try to do it at another time if possible, but for this I just can't. He's often not the only baby/ toddler in the waiting room. There was a women there with an almost walking baby the other day helping it move all around the room the other day and try to talk to people and I did think that was inappropriate.

I remember the giant wooden carving on the wall of a sperm fertilising an egg being fairly insensitive. I would reschedule, it's a serious discussion which I wouldn't be able to concentrate on with two small children in tow.