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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have just phoned police about dss?

47 replies

GoodEggBadEgg · 28/04/2011 17:14

I feel awful.

Ds is 14, lives with me and Dh. Has done for many years. I've posted about him a few times before.

He got into a fight at school. I was talking to him about it when he got home. He flipped, as usual - punching and throwing things. Have 3 other dcs at home and was quite anxious about today outburst anyway.

Then he grabs a craft knife and matches and storms out saying he's going to use them.

Police are looking for him now.

That was an hour ago, didn't have time to post before police arrived saying they'd arrested him for possession. Had to give a statement, he'll probably get a 'reprimand' meaning he'll be bailed for a couple of weeks then have to go back for a 'telling off'. That's how its been explained to me anyway.

Dh had to go up in a couple of hours for the Interview.

God I feel awful about this. [Sad]

OP posts:
Original poster
GoodEggBadEgg · 28/04/2011 17:17

Sorry about typos.

Dh HAS to go up.

Possession of a weapon, obviously

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsNincompoop · 28/04/2011 17:17

No, of course YANBU. He could have done anything and you would have felt terrible for doing nothing.

Possession, as in drugs? Cannabis I assume?

What has DH said? Have the police given you any info as to where you can access support (ie. CAMHS etc.?)

Hope you're OK. :)

LoopyLoopsNincompoop · 28/04/2011 17:18

Oh OK, a weapon.

Where was he when they found him? Was he doing anything? Sounds like a very angry young man, and idea what might be going on?

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 28/04/2011 17:18

How worrying for you. No, I don't think you were BU to do this. He needs to understand that actions have consequences and the sooner he learns this the better. Children can't be buggering about with things like knives and matches and expect no repercussions.
Give him time to cool off if you can, and then see whether you can talk with him about it? I'm so sorry, what a distressing thing for you to have to deal with.
I'm a secondary school teacher and regularly experience just how selfish and bloody annoying kids of that age can be - but underneath if you can retain a relationship with him it'll come right. He must understand that although you love him, dangerous behaviour will not go unaddressed. I think you did absolutely the right thing. I would have done the same, fwiw

I'm sorry for you.... (())

Salmotrutta · 28/04/2011 17:19

Understandable that you feel awful but better this sort of awfulness than the awfullness you would feel if he had actually used the knife.

You did the riight (and brave) thing to tell the police, it must have been very hard to do.

WinterLover · 28/04/2011 17:20

I think you did the right thing :( even though you probably feel really crappy about it

Original poster
GoodEggBadEgg · 28/04/2011 17:21

Thanks.

Not used drugs to my knowledge. His mum is an addict so he's pretty anti drugs, though I'm not silly enough to think that's a guarantee!

CAMHS already involved, early stages, been begging for ages. Also on line for early intervention policing team support, that may come quicker now!

OP posts:
jojowest · 28/04/2011 17:21

you feel so awful, you couldnt wait to log on to mumsnet and tell the world eh?

awful :(

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 28/04/2011 17:22

jojowest?? WTF???

therealmrsbeckham · 28/04/2011 17:22

YANBU You would have felt awful if he'd used the knife.

He may not thank you now but it might just be the wake up call he needs to realise that his behaviour is not acceptable. Police should also be able to put you in touch with organisations to help him with his anger etc

What does your DH think?

Bohica · 28/04/2011 17:23

I think I would have reacted in the same way as you.
He needs to learn that this behaviour is totally unacceptable & his actions caused his arrest not you calling them.

therealmrsbeckham · 28/04/2011 17:24

Nice post jojowest Shock

Original poster
GoodEggBadEgg · 28/04/2011 17:24

Don't know where he was going, was picked up just round the corner. Thing Is I know he would have just been wandering, not looking for trouble iykwim

OP posts:
Bohica · 28/04/2011 17:24

jojowest where have you lot come from? I have seen some really nasty posts today over & over again by the same little group of twats people.

cuteboots · 28/04/2011 17:26

Have to agree with Jojowest on this one : 0 (

Salmotrutta · 28/04/2011 17:27

jojowest - the OP is worried and looking for some unbiased advice and opinions. An Anonymous forum is surely a good place for that? She is probably sitting waiting to see what will happen when her DH goes up to the Police Station so why not post and ask opinions?

Original poster
GoodEggBadEgg · 28/04/2011 17:28

Wow jojo cheers.

OP posts:
colditz · 28/04/2011 17:28

It's still the easter holidays round here, so we're getting a lot of silly little trolls.

OP, better the police pick him up than he uses that knife.

Salmotrutta · 28/04/2011 17:29

Just to expand - if I had a major worry that involved a waiting game of a couple of hours I'd probably post too for advice.

Hope you're OK GoodEgg?

MadameCastafiore · 28/04/2011 17:32

Do you think his behaviour is linked the the problems with his mother?

Sorry you have been having trouble getting CAMHS to help - has he got a diagnosed mental health problem or do you think it is a behavioural issue?

For what it's worth you did the right thing - problem is getting him to take it seriously. Has it scared him at all do you think being picked up by the police?

Ephiny · 28/04/2011 17:33

I think you did the right thing, you'd be doing him no favours in the long term by ignnoring or being soft on this sort of behaviour.

Original poster
GoodEggBadEgg · 28/04/2011 17:33

Was waiting for police. Or for dss to come back, doors were locked- he has a violent history. Was playing puzzles with little dcs to keep them occupied while I tried to keep calm and stop myself crying. Ds had a mate here too so was trying to be as normal as possible. Mn helped me do that and is helping now while my boy is at the police station and I feel all sorts if things.

Thanks to those with advice.

OP posts:
cuteboots · 28/04/2011 17:34

colditz Ive only been on MN for a while and Im deffo not a troll( what is a troll) each to their own and the right of free speech etc etc !! I hope she gets it sorted out but its not something I would want to openly discuss with strangers is what I should have said. I in no way meant to offend anyone.

Salmotrutta · 28/04/2011 17:36

You don't have to justify your reasons for posting GoodEgg - I can imagine being the same and I'd either be pacing up and down or trying to distract myself.

Nice work jojo Hmm

catchmeifyoucan · 28/04/2011 17:37

Yeah right cuteboots. You've only been here five minutes but you choose to agree with the obvious dickheaded troll. Pffffft.